My mom died suddenly on the 12th of March, just over 2 weeks ago.  I have 3 kids aged 2,4 and 8.  She was the center of our family.  My husband loved her and we saw her daily.  She wasn't feeling well, I called to say good night, we told each other we loved each other, I asked if she wanted to go to the hospital, she said no and that was it.  She didn't wake up the next day.  Its really easy for everyone to say how wonderful this death was because there was no suffering for her, and I would agree God was merciful in his plan with her, however, I feel as though my left side of my body is gone.  I go to call her, my 8 yr old asks to talk to her, the 2 yr old wants to talk to her on the phone.  I know this is a process, but I cannot take much more of this incessant pain coming over me in waves.  Anyone have any advice other than you will adapt, because if I hear that again, I pity the fool who says it.

Judy -- I'm afraid I don't have any good news for you.  I moved in with my mom in 2002 to take care of her, and she died in June 2010.  Some days I don't think I can make it. She was my best friend, and I went to her with everything.  I don't know for sure, but it seems that having kids may give you something to live for.  They can become the people you know your mom would be proud of.  I guess at the same time,  it's probably hard to see them do things knowing that she would have liked to see them do it. 

I guess it all boils down to I don't really have any answers. There's lots of pain, and I miss her so much.  Someone told me to put one foot in front of the other, but many days that's too hard.  I do have days now that I smile.  I can talk to her and tell her how much she would have liked something that happened to me.  The tough part (and I guess the selfish part) is when I need her and she's not there.  I don;t feel like I can handle things on my own, but I guess I don't have a choice.  Since I don't have anyone to whom I'm responsible except my cats I usually just fall apart for a few days.  I resort to old behavor (I isolate, eat too much, and do other things that aren't so good for me) until I get it out of my system.

Sorry if this didn't help.  But after nine months it doesn't hurt enorously every moment of every day,  I can appreciate some of the fun times we've had together.  And even though I miss her horribly, I've been told I always will in somed way or another.  After all, she's my mom, and that's the best relationship I ever had.

Nancy

Hi Judy,

I lost my mom in 2005 after a year of her being sick with cancer and going for treatments.  She was my best friend and the center of our family, always at my house, there for every occasion. 
To lose your mom so suddenly has to be devastating, I lost my younger sister in July of 2010 suddenly, she had a massive heart attack in her sleep and left two children ages 9 and 10.  I went over it a million times in my head what I could have done to change things, it was the way I coped with such a sudden shock.  I felt as if my heart was broken, every time I looked at her children I wanted to cry and sometimes did.  I think for the first two months I cried everyday, not all day but I did do a lot of isolating.  One thing I did was write my sister a letter saying everything I wanted to say and I put it in my bible, when I'm really sad i take the letter out and read it, and it makes me feel better.  I also do a lot of journaling that helped me with my mom and it is helping me with my sister. Another thing I could suggest is doing a scrapbook about your mom , I have even made scapebook pages for my siblings, when they thank me I thank them because it was therapy for me.  You could even do something with the kids like making a stepping stone for your garden, or letting them pick out pictures of your mom and themselves to put in the scrapbook. I also went to the library and got books about grieving and specifically on the lose of a parent.   Remember you not only lost your mom you also lost a part of yourself, the self that had a mom.  I remember thinking I just want to be the person that I was before this happened, I want things to be normal again, it took me a while to realize I would never be that person again, and things would never be normal like it was, but for my mom I could be a better person.  That gave me a glimmer of hope, but I don't think anyone ever get's over it you get through it.  It does get better, I can't tell you how long because everyone is different grief has no timeline, just remember to take care of yourself and try to remember those great moments you shared with her, and what advice she would give you if she were here. 

Hi Judy,

I too went through the thought that this was just a bad dream, sleep was the only time I did not think about what was happening.  I even wished I was Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz and I was sleeping for a week and dreaming this happened.  But eventually when the time was right I did accept the reality, I think it's a way the body and mind works so that you can function from this devastating event in your life.  I would say the Serenity Prayer over and over.  I could not change what had happened, and I had to go on with my life for the sake of myself and my family.  One quote I read that help me was "Learning from the past is useful. Dwelling on the past is destructive.  I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

God Bless,

Denise

just looking for another way to work through my pain, lost my mom in Jan 2010 and just haven't taken the time nor wanted to face the thought of being without her.  I had lost my dad 10 years ago too, and the more i think about it I dont think I really grieved him either.  I try to be the tough one, the support for everyone else...take a few minutes, let it out and move on...dont have time to deal with this ----but i need to make time or its never going to get any better.  Im hoping this will help me to do that.  I dont have my mom to "talk" with anymore, but maybe by expressing how I feel to other people who understand it will make it that much easier to work through. : )

Hi Jennie,

I am so sorry for your loss, it does help to talk about it. I also was the one I thought who had to be strong, but I realized I had to deal with it or it would come out some other way. I think we know someday we will experience the loss of our parents, but it does no make it easy. My mom was my best friend, the one I called when something good happened or when I was feeling down. I could tell her anything she loved me unconditionally. I miss not talking to her, I think I talked to her everyday specially after my father died in 2002, she died in 2005. I still miss her alot but I know someday I will be with her again which comforts me. In the mean time I need to live life because that is what she would want me to do. When my dad died I had my mom to grieve with, but when she died I felt alone in my grief. I did go to a bereavement group which help alot. I will keep you in my prayers, keep coming back this is a great and safe place to express your feeling.

God Bless,

Denise

This pass mother's day was really hard for me being that I am in a different place of my life.... I asked my girlfriend to marry me almost a month ago.  I realized my mother will no be here with me in the physical.  I know my mom is with every day.  I really hope you all are taking care of yourself.  I would like to extend my services to you all... I am beachbody coach.  I would like to shre with you all "Please take care of yourselves, that is what your mother's would want."  Please read below...

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My mom passed from a stroke in 2008, but it was so tragic, she had the severe stroke in 2002, and was in  a vegetated state in the nursing home until she passed 2/1/2008.

I miss her so, we lived 500 hundrend miles apart, but, we spoke every week or more, she was 74 when she passed. Watching her just lie there for almost six years and than pass was more hurtful than words can say! My heart goes out to all of you!!!

My mother died on May 7th 2011, three years to the day my father passed.  He had been diagnosed with terminal cancer and we had time to prepare so I handled things differently.  Add to it I had my mom to lean on and talk to.  Now I am lost.  I want to scream and yell but all I can do is cry. 

My mother became my best friend and I miss her so much.  I feel so alone and just don't know how to handle this. 

Hi Cindy,

I am so sorry for your loss, my story is similar I lost my dad in April of 2002 he was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and then I lost my mom in March of 2005.  I know exactly what you mean about having your mom to lean on when you lost your dad.  My mom was my best friend, I supported her when she was diagnosed in May 2004.  I watched her die slowly, even though she was sick her death was so unexpected.  She went for treatment than decided in January of 2005 she did not want anymore, we thought she had about 6-9 months to live.  I felt so alone and devastated, I loved my dad and missed him but my mom was different.  I realized my relationship with her was a more emotional relationship, we shared everything and anything with each other.  What help me was journaling about my feelings and doing things that memorialized her.  I made some scrapebook pages and I also set up a memorial on line that to this day I visit often.  Another thing that help was I went to a bereavement group that ran for 6 weeks once a week.  That really helped alot.  Try to remember your mom would want you to go on and have a good life.  Keep coming here this is a great place to talk, another great resource is going to the library and look for books dealing with your loss.  I hope this helps you a little and I will keep you in my prayers

God Bless

Denise

Hi Lisa.  Know that people are just trying to give you support.  Trust me I hate hearing that "what your feeling is normal".  My mom died on May 7th this year very unexpectedly.  The only thing I have been able to do to cope is go back to work.  My job has been the best therapy and everyone I work with has been very supportive.  I told them to not ask me how I am or to say that they are sorry.  I asked them to let me work and focus on something else.  It isn't easy, but it's all I can do.  

Lisa-

I too am also tired of everyone telling me how time heals.  It has been 10 months since I unexpectedly lost my moma and there are still days when I wonder how I will survive this.  I think people are trying to be kind but they just don't understand.  If you are anything like me then your mother was your mother, mentor, best friend, counselor....the list goes on and on.  It's not easy to move forward after such a loss.  Talking w/ others in this group is a great way to begin coping other than that it is a day by day battle.  Your emotions can change from one minute to another.  I will pray for you and pray that you will get strength through this difficult time.

Rachael, Judith and all that are suffering:

My mom died of the ultimate final insult .. Alzheimer's.  She was my very bestfriend.  We did everything together, vacations, celebrated our birthday's which were both on April 11.  She suffered 3 major strokes over 7 years and then the Alzheimer's.  It was awful.  She has been gone almost 4 years and the rug has been literally pulled from beneath me ..... I can barely put one foot in front of the other.  Whoever coined the phrase, "time heals all wounds" should be shot.  It gets worse  for me daily.  I've tried "grief" counseling to no avail other than to empty my wallet.  People don't understand.  Some move on.  Not me.  I have no children and have never married so I am pretty much in this world alone.  I recently lost my job and my health insurance and am wondering what the purpose of life is?  I am an Atheist so the "God" thing is no comfort to me.

I wish I could help anyone but I can't even help myself or deal with this.

Write if you'd like.  Maybe we can find some comfort with each

I lost my mom on June 11, 2010. This weekend is the one year anniversary and the grief is overpowering. The heartache is literal. The pain is palpable. I miss her so much. I remember trying to help lower her fever as she passed away in front of me. I felt like I had failed her even though we knew hospice care wasn't going to take a different direction. I felt her spirit very strongly that day. I've never been particularly religious but there was an instinct that came over me that knew her body was a mere shell and her spirit lived on. I am going to her grave tomorrow to lay flowers and it feels nice to have that feeling like I am going to visit her.

•  Yesterday  i went back to church for my frist  se enice my mom's death  and  let me tell you  it was not easy waiting for her walk in  and coming  to sit with me  as we use to do,  i felt alone yesterday  all day  and plus i had  a mom moment after chruch  i  do miss  the family meals   we use to have  after church,   i went to church  and  i  needed  to do that for my self so  i can have some closer ffor my self  and  plus   she  would wanted me to go too  i  know  she was with me yesterday and allways,,  keeping  all of you in prayers of healing at this time of sadness, 
• Blessings Sharon