What is a mom?
A mom is one of life's best gifts,
Someone to treasure all life through,
She's caring and loving,
Thoughtful and true,
Someone who is always a special part of your life,
Someone who holds a prime place in your heart,
She's a mentor, a confident and also a friend,
Someone on whose love you can depend.
A mom always has your best interests at heart,
She's someone so dear and so good,
She's a blessing, she's a gift,
She's a treasure like no other,
She's someone that is truly wonderful.
Wherever you go, and whatever you do,
A mom’s love will always see you through,
A mom is truly invaluable,
Indispensable and unforgettable.
I wouldn't want anyone but you,
And that's why I'm so grateful,
that life picked you for me.

Thank you Rachel. I really really miss my mom today and have a very heavy heart. Here's what she wrote to me on my last birthday in October. She passed in December...

To James

When I gave birth to you, the miracle never left my heart and changed me forever. Every second you are with me is a gift no one could ever put a price on... you are the reason why my life is so wonderful. Please remember I will always love you and thank you for being my son. Love, Mom

Dana, I do know how you feel...you miss your mom, especially birthdays and things like that, my mom always made my birthday special....hang in there hun

More than anything, I wished that she had made it to her birthday....she would have been 80 in March....it saddens me, but, things happen....I just hope it gets better somehow, someday....Rachel

Rachel

I am sure it will  get better in time  i lost my mom 1 year  ago  and just lost my Aunt 4 mos  ago its been a long road for me  and  i still miss  my mom very much,  last month my mom (84) and aunt would had been (91)  both   had a brithday's last month it was hard and i did not think i was going to make it  but i did, with freinds  and family. i am very thankful for . ( mostly for someone who is very specail to you.  i hope  you find peace  and comfort in your lost.

you are very welcome  and  i know where you are coming from. when i got the call i was over come with tears until i got to the Hospital  and then withthin 5 mins sudden she was gone, as  i remembered before  she slipped into  a coma  on the phone  I LOVE YOU ! the night before she left us  and i am still beatin my self up after 1 year later. even as i watch movies and  i still tear up so i know how you feel.

had you tryed a support group !   i had found a local one  and  its called grieif share  i am sure there is one where u are at,  and it help me  to hear other peoples storys  it helped me and i am still attending it,  you can  get on line and even look  it up as well. its wreath it..  time to heal and think of the good times and as i do follow the footsteps on cooking she loved  to do.. and family gatherings to.. as i did to give thanks  to my mother..

Hang there it will get better  be praying for you and your family

Sharon

Sometimes I just suddenly feel Scared, that I dont have my mum any more.  I just loved being with her.  Having a cuppa with her n a simple chat, I feel so sad I didnt go to her house so much more, it scares me that its too late now.  I hope she is watching over me and the family. I hope she knows how much I love her.  I too dont feel i have anyone of my siblings to really turn to.  I was only really really close to my mum.  Although I can sometimes get along and sort of feel ok with my eldest brother, it is difficult cos of his problems with effects of long term drug use affecting his mental heath.  He keeps asking if he should end his life.  Cos he is so depressed and says I am the only one who can stop him cos he trusts me and what i say.

I lost my mom in 2007 to several strokes and then the final insult, Alzheimer's.  It was devastating.  I am still reeling after 3 1/2 years.  I've tried counseling to no avail.

I wake up each day extremely sad and see no end in sight.  I don't know where to turn and how to go on with my life.  I am totally lost and see no end.  My mother relied on me since my dad passed in 1994.  We did everything together, vacations, holidays, etc.  Simply we were bestfriends.  I have read all the books written on grief and loss.  They just make me sadder.

Thanx for listening.  Jon

Hi Joan,

I've found that often the way to healing involves finding what emotions the loved one created in survivors that's now missing. In other words, what was it that endeared your mother to you. Those feelings, once identified, can be found  in other people, activities, or interactions (e.g. a sense of worth that made someone feel whole was recreated by doing worthwhile things with foster kids). Nothing will replace your mother, but the emotions you lost can once again appear. 

Joan - I understand how you feel.  I lost my mom in June, and I don't think I've even accepted it yet.  I'm in counseling.  I've tried grief groups - which make it worse.  I've tried reading books - which are too hard to do.

Today I had to meet with someone from the cemetary to make arrangement for the plaque for her grave.  We're Jewish and we do what's call an unveiling about a year after a person's death.  Today was harder for me than planning her funeral.  I think I was still in shock right after she died.  Today I feel just awful.  I can't stop crying.  I know the unveiling ceremony will be very difficult.  I think I'll be glad when it's over.

Nancy

First off I would like to say I am happy that I now have somewhere to go to read and share my story with people that have lost their mom too.... I would like to say thank you for the creator of this page....Thank you for taking time out to read this. My name is Karon B. Porter I am 33 years of age from The Bronx. I have that average story with weight loss that everyone seems to have. However, what makes mines a little different from the rest is when I lost my mother at age 29. During this time, it was really hard for my family and me to understand the reason or reasons why she was chosen. She left this Earth at age 48 (That is a very young age) of a silent killer called heart disease. Something I knew could have prevented this from happening was being active. From that moment it was more of life change decision for me.

I am asking YOU.. to take care of yourself.... I workout everyday with p90x, Insanity, just to name a few... I am Teambeach body coach looking to spead the word of fitness on to those who will listen, and plant the seed in those who are not ready.... if you are interested in learning more please email me (karonbporter@yahoo.com) or visit my site...www.beachbodycoach.com/karonbporter

Thank you

Hi Dana,

My experience has been that there comes a time when those who grieve need to make a decision: to remain within their grief, or look for ways of ending it.

Unfortunately, many approaches talk about waiting until it just loses it's intensity. I've never seen that work with the family members of those I've served in hospice nor with private clients. What I found is that most people who either transformed their grief, got through it, or replaced it with a joy they thought would never reappear, was to look for the emotion(s) that disappeared when their loved one died. For some, it did mean a literal replacement (e.g., a new husband), but for most the lost emotion was replaced by different relationships or activities (e.g., a husband who lost his wife who made him feel needed, became a volunteer for a homeless shelter). Identifying the emotions is the first step. The next is identifying where it might occur. Hope this helps.

Take Care,

Stan

Hi Kate,

In reading your post, what stands out to me is the guilt you're feeling for not being diligent in looking into a liver transplant and not being more effective in changing your mother's life.

Although I obviously don't know the medical circumstances of your mother's life, none of the patients I served in hospice with hep c or other liver diseases were able to qualify for a transplant. By the time the disease was discovered and with the huge backlog of potential recipients who were otherwise healthy, they were never even were placed on the transplant list. Although I'm not a physician, I think your mother's alcoholism would have disqualified her for a transplant.

As for the guilt you feel about not being more effective in getting your mother to change. Change, whether it involves something a simple as procrastination or as difficult as alcoholism isn't possible unless the person is willing to change. Often, despite the protestations from those they love and don't want to hurt, there are just too many forces holding them back.

It's a natural reaction saying to oneself, "If only I ....." A very wise Buddhist monk once said to me, "we do the best we can given the circumstances of our lives." I've found "If only" statements rarely do anything for someone other than make them feel guilty about events they most likely had no control over. I hope this helps,

Take Care,

Stan

Kate,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom, I to loss my mom who was my best friend.  It is something you don't get over you just get through it and learn to live with it.  I can tell you from experience it does get better, I thought I would never feel joy again and I did.  There is no time line on grief, it is different for everyone. 

You can not change anything that has already happened, worring about it will not change it.  Something that comforted me and brought me back to reality was a scripture from the bible Isaiah43:18-19 The Lord said, "Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old, behold I will do a new thing.  Now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?"  Learning from the past is useful. Dwelling on the past is destructive.  I'm sure your mom wants you to take care of your family and live a happy and joyful life.  You took care of her until the end but now you need to take care of yourself.  Another thing that might help you is keeping a journal, it helped me tremendously. And prayer!  I hope this helps you,

I will keep you in my prayers

God Bless,

Denise

Kate,

I'm sorry for the loss of your mom.  my mom died January 10, 2011. I miss her so much.  I think about her often, and I am deeply hurt by her passing. I know my mom would want me to go on and be happy, and I'm sure your mom would want you to be happy. Letting go is the hardest part for me.  I have to remember to take it one day at a time. 

Hi Kate,

Thank you for your kind words. I think you're on the right track.

Take Care,

Stan

Hi Katrina,

I've found that one of the hardest decisions anybody has to make is to exercise their DPOA and allow a loved one to die. The grief in losing a loved one is sometimes amplified many times with the DPOA's decision.

I think few people understand the depth of sorrow someone experiences when they exercise that power, even though they know it was what their loved one would have wanted them to do.

Take Care,

Stan