Tonight I was overcome by sadness,missing my Zach so very much. It is so hard to think about celebrating Mothers Day this year without him. I feel guilty because I know that I am still so blessed to have my three daughters and two granddaughters, but that doesn't fill the void of my son not being there. Tomorrow is another day, hopefully I will feel a little better in the morning. Thank you all for listening and understanding. Robin

Mother's Day morniing my husband and I will sing at a nursing home.  I have been determined to defeat the calendar....  I have even planned to do a 25 mile horse endurance ride on Memorial Day Weekend  (the Day Before the 3rd Anniversary of his death).   I am gonna treat it like any other day ..... at least that is my intention.    I miss him everyday and yes these Dates on the calendar mark time.... and I don't want it to defeat me.

mothers day is the last night i held my 24 year old baby girl...that date will forever be hers

my daughter had a best friend that came home with her after school for snacks.  junior high and high school.  they shared the same name, Christine...5 weeks after my daughter died..her friend dies too.  the news was overwhelming.  oh my

Teri... That must have been so devastating....  I know there seemed to be a rash of young people dying when my son died too.... or was it just that we now pay attention and are more in tune than folks that have not had this pain?  I replay those final days in my mind some times... I cherish the tape and there are somedays I wish the movie would stop repeating ...   PEACE

I am still around I have not abandoned anyone. I did have a bout recently. On Saturday, I went to my niece's first birthday. Someone asked her brother (4 Y.O.) does he miss Uncle Danny? He said yes but he is sleeping with Jesus in Heaven now. I have been off ever since. So therefore, it never goes away - just a low tide.

i work in a vetrans nursing home.  i care for these men in there ending days.  i face death almost every day.  i am the one who has been the strongest to comfort those in mourning.  now i am the one who cries the most. 

Grace, I agree it does seem like every time I turn on the news it is reporting the death of a young person. About 3 1/2 months before my son died, my neighbor (only 3 houses from mine) 19 year old son was killed in a car accident. Little did I know when I went to her house to say how very sorry I was, and that I couldn't even imagine the pain she was feeling, I would be going through the same thing. Teri, how very sad that your daughters best friend died so soon after. It is so hard to understand. Hugs to all. Robin

thank you robin and thank you grace for your words...it is so very very sad to lose a child.

there is a reason for that saying 'broken heart'.  you truly can physically feel the pain in your chesk...

(((((HUGS)))))

Well the wife and I were driving. I mentioned a certain landmark reminds me of Danny and at that exact time "Daniel" by Elton John came on the radio. We both had our moments of grief at that time. Very odd.

this is a difficult month; Mother's Day & the anniversary of Sy's death.  I have been unable emotionally to reach out and for that I apologize. I have been isolating as the days get harder.  I hate this, and wish no one had to go through such loss. I am so sad my son did not get to finish the things he set out to do on earth.  I guess I'm just plain sad. sending love to all~

Sooo Sorry Sue... you are right there is never answer to "WHY". Lorraine you too lost your son to cancer... that damn disease.

Dick... so Ironic for you and your wife to experience such a moment... hope it is Danny saying he is ok.

Oh Sue, I also lost 2 children, both sons, well adult children, but still my children none the less.   I did not lose them to cancer though.  I am so so sorry , I know the pain of this.....tommorrow will be a tough day for me too..my last son just died this March.....I dread Mothers' day.....

yes, and bone cancer is so damn painful; so much suffering. My Sy guy's had spread to his bones... I'm so sorry Sue, for your double loss.  I know that no matter how we lose our children, the loss is just as devastating...

This is why we Mothers are here.... Nothing can be more difficult than a Mother without her children to be there on Mother's Day....  (((((HUGS EVERYONE)))

Hi everyone, everyone knows mysorry by no, Ugh , what a sad sad day for me.....both my sons are gone......one died in 1994 and the other died March 24, of this year.........I just hate today and all the memories of this horrible life I lead..........I have no support for this is not the childrens father...and he is off to see his daughters' family.  I am just so so sad.  I see your comments and I know you are all feeling this too......please all take care......lynne

today chrisi and i were together for the last time. i took her picture infront of one of her favorite botiques...'angels by the sea'   i have had a brick with her name on it placed in the walkway of that very botique...my daughter is now that angel...sweet memorys to all of you...thank god for memorys

Thank you Sue, Hugs to you also.........:) lynne

Thinking of all my friends on Mothers Day who are hurting as I am. I went to my bestfriend's daughter's wedding yesterday. I really thought that I would be okay, then the Mom of the groom did such a sweet wonderful thing, she sang two songs to her son. By the second song I had totally lost it. I would have got up and left but there was no way to do it unnoticed. I feel so bad because afterwards my friend came over to me and hugged me to tell me how much she loved me and how she will always be there for me. She was standing there consoling me and ended up missing her daughter cut the wedding cake. When I knew what they were doing, I told my friend to hurrying so she wouldn't miss it but she did. I feel so bad that she missed part of her daughter's special day. Today so far, I am just kind of numb, I think that took so much out of me yesterday and I am just tired. Praying for all of you, big hugs. Robin

Oh Robin , I hate music, and I just cannot listen to it, I give you credit just for staying in the room.  I really cannot handle music at all.  I relate everything to my sons......I am wired today, I wish I were tired, Robin, so I could sleep...tommorrow night will be the first meeting I will go to for Compassionate Friends.....I hope I can just make it there emotionally.......

My wife is very sad this Mother's Day. We went to the gravesite and she just cried. Sad.

I know, Dick, it is so sad to be a mom and not have your child or children with you on Mother's Day.....I am so sorry

I highly recommend Compassionate Friends. I also love Irises.

Just sending hugs to all and some extra hugs to all the moms.

I went to visit my son's final resting place on Saturday, the day before Mommy's Day. It may sound crazy but this year, I deliberately avoided going on the actual holiday because I didn't want to see children visiting their mother's final resting place. That would only make me envy them and add to my sadness because children are suppose to bury their parents, my son should be here to visit my final resting place. I don't mean to offend anyone that has lost a parent, I truly don't mean to do that, I am just speaking from my heart, I just think it's unnatural to bury your children, no matter what age they are or what the circumstances were that ended their life.  I will forever be broken.

Maybe nothing to this but it is odd that it is my favorite flower.  Don never forgot. My husband did but Don didn't.  I'm sure it could have arrived other than as a gift from my son.  One person said maybe a bird.  But it's highly unlikely as this is a bulb flower that had to have been planted in the winter.  In any case, it made me feel better.  Sorry about the size of the picture.  Have no idea how to resize.  

I am just wondering who sunita hutu is?   Whoever it is she/he is sending all these messages t people here about being your friend.   Is she studying grief, she gives no story about herself.........I am sorry if I sound mysterfied, but I am......

I saw that also.  Maybe we need to ask her.  

Sunita Hutu, why are you sending all these messages to all grieving moms.......I don't get why you are doing that......do you need help with anything? 

Hi, I would imagine that Sunita Hutu is spam mail.  This has happened a couple of times on here.  

Adrianne, I am happy that you received a sign.  It does not matter where it came from, but I believe that God allows these small little miracles.  A sign of hope.  I sure could use one. myself.  Thanks for sharing.

Today is 22 months for us, and it's back to darkness.  Haven't had a decent day for awhile so Adrianne's news was helpful.

Karen, all I can say is I'm sorry and send a cyber hug.  I do understand.  

Praying you all are blessed in some way this week.  Hugs to all.

I really like that iris. Thanks for sharing.

I am hurt and very angry and need to vent..... so sorry hope you all can take it and understand.....

My son was 14 when he died and had Autism.  My family never tolerated him when he was alive.... I was asked to keep him away from my parents house.... when he was little he had a close call medically and my Mother told me when I called her from the hospital (With Clergy in the room) that she could not come until the mail man delivered her mail..... ok that pissed me off.... My Dad told me he would like to hit my son (when he was acting Autistic) and make him spin around 14 times.... Dad is dead and I don't think I have been able to really for give his harshness toward my son.... again( while trying to be a good daughter) I was trying to plan a 50th Anniversary for my folks and My Bully Brother threatened to man handle my son.... That resulted in a confrontation of me tryiong to defend my child and my brother giving me a black eye..... Ok I could go on and on... Yet My mother has made excuses and tried to say I am a liar about these events or deny that they happened.....  let's go to last night.... again a confrontation occured with my brother where he REPEATEDLY said in front of my Mother that I SHOULD HAVE HAD AN ABORTION of my Niles!  He repeated this evil cruel remark and even laughed as her twisted this knife into my heart.... My mother sat there emotionless and acted as if he did nothing.... AGAIN! 

I can not accept this from either and feel a totally cold stone heeart for both right now.... I swear if either dropped dead I could not forgive them enough to even attend the funeral!  I can not believe that when My husband confronted my mother she denied hearing a thing!

Jesus may forgive them but I have turned so many cheeks that I don't think I can.

Sorry for venting.... But I could not stop sobbing.... has anyone else experienced such Cruel abuse from "Family"?

I think I have to cut these people out of my life like a toxic, poison, cancer.   I can offer NO Honor, Respect, or Love since that is the compassion they have both shown to me and the memory of my son.

it is not written that we tolerate such abuse from family.  vent away miss grace!  god bless your son and the time that you were blessed with.  My mother is the same with my brothers also.  but the anger and hurt i feel about it is not worth my time.  they will have to answer to the maker.  when i go to the maker i know the gates will be open wide.....

Grace, my first child Bobby, had manic depression at 14 and my family  was horrendous to me , they never visisted him in the hospital or home,I found Bobby dead in his apt. he slit his wrist.....Now lets fast forward in the future..my son Terry died of a heart attack and my family when I left the room said , in front of my last son, Gerard, "be careful, for I hope there are no razors left around"  My son is a correctional officer (my only child now) he had to leave the house for he said he wanted to smash his face...........so what I did Grace, I wrote them all emails telling them please not to bother me, for their type of help I did not need.  In other words I have cut my family out for the better of everyone here and mainly me.  And you know what at least I feel peaceful in that I or my son or husband have to hear that junk again...so long family for me ....and honestly it is for the best........This was not the first time this happened, there were lots of other before, but it is to long to go into now.......for me this works........Love, lynne

Thank You... I no longer feel obligated to Honor any of my family.... Talk about insult to injuries!

I know Grace, you are going through a lot and you just do not need anyone in your life that is aggrevation to you.....take care of yourself ((())) I care about you , for I know your pain in life......love, lynne

Hey Ammy,  thanks so much for your support and your "hug".....felt good.

To Grace and all others that had a similar experience with family members, as I read some of the recent postings, all I could feel is a overwhelming shock that turned into anger and sadness. I can not imagine having my family treat my children or me as a outcast....to say the least. How incredibly hurtful and cold. None of my children had special needs but I have close friends who do have such children. The bottom line is that we are all human, we all bleed and breathe the same way. We never know what we will be dealt in life, did any of us know that we would be dealt such a tremendous loss and pain? I have never heard of something so cold. All I can say is shame on them and it's their loss that they never developed a love and bond with your children. If it were me, I would have no problem of cutting them off.

Well it has been one hell of a couple of weeks..... my family telling me I should have aborted my deceased son... and filling out papers to describe my son almost 3 years after his death because we donated his brain to the Autism Tissue Program to help research Autism and Epilepsy.... I meet that woman tomorrow as she has flown in from Pittsburgh to our small town just to interview us and give us some information about what they have learned so far from my Niles brain... Bittersweet... his death gave people life through organ donation and his brain may unlock the mystery of Autism... Our benefit has helped give about $9000 to others still living with special needs or medical crisis.... Complete strangers apprieciate my Niles... and yet my own brother with my Mother silently and emotionless observing my brother telling me that I should have aborted him!   He claims I knew he would have "Something Wrong" with him and yet I had him anyway...... that was not true... but even if it was My Niles Life was valuable to me and for them to say these thing just says the 14 years of his life was meaningless!   I just still can't believe it... but I do know that through all of these years and especially through all of this pain we all have to live with that I MUST Cut them out of my life.  It is sad but I can not forgive either of them.  And for years I have always tried to reconcile because my Mother is Older.... But I just can't do it anymore.  And I feel not much support from my other siblings who will try to swoop in to be her favored child.... it is absolutely sickening how we try our best to be "Good" and still want acceptance and love from family.... I think I am a fool for trying to want that..... It is time I cut lose from them.

Even dogs who are kicked and abused want the person to Love them... and even children hope to win a parents approval... and we have all heard that God wants us to Honor our parents..... But I guess I'm gonna go to Hell because if God forgives these folks for Hateful evil.... maybe I'd rather sleep forever than awake to sharing eternity with them...