me too adrianne, i would also never have believed that to be true for me. in fact, tons of the chaos in my life, i would just never have believed were going to happen.  they say thats why we dont know the future, cos we think we wont be able to handle it. but as it unfolds, we somehow endure it.  <3

I went to Danny's bench yesterday and someone had left flowers in a vase. Nice, but I am wondering who did it?

I too have been having a hard time this week, not sure why.

I would like to thank Dick for suggesting joining this group.  I lost my daughter(Heather) a little over 1 1/2 years ago and I am still struggling over it.

hi peggy, i'm so sorry for you, like all of us, to be in this position. may i ask what happened to your Heather?  love steph

Steph, first of all thank you. Heather had a pulmonary embolism in her right lung she also had Spina Bifida. She was 29.

that is SO SO hard peggy, im so sorry. so its also painful that she had a hard life. i so understand, my becky had cerebral palsy, with many complications. it was hard, so hard. but i loved having her in my life more than anything.  im so sorry for your loss becoz i know how much heather must have needed you, and loved you, and visa versa. do you have other kids?

Steph, I am so sorry for your loss. No I do not, Heather was my only child.

Hi Peggy... I lost my 14 year old Son who had Autism from a siezure in May of 2009.

I hope reading our thoughts helps you feel like you are not the only person "Alone" in this pain.....  Welcome .... even though we all wish we were not "Welcomed" into such a sad group..... PEACE

its true, so true. we lost a special needs child, such a strong connection. we can do this together  xxx

Grace, thank you. Yes it does help.No one understands unless they actually go through it themselves.

True Peggy and Stephanie...  many people think it is a "Blessing" because our kids had "Special Needs" ... but we also spent so much hard work in fighting for the best interests of them...  always protecting them yet it feels like some how no matter how hard we were on Guard they slipped through the cracks and we lost them.... It is such a deep Pit this grief.... and it does help to share feelings with others who have been there..... Even our best friends can not "Imagine" how painful this is.......Our Brain protects us from this until we live it....

Having a tough day today.

I justwant to say that it is never a blessing when a child dies. Its never a good thing to lose a child under any circumstances. Every child is special and important and has purpose. Special needs children are even more important because they teach all of us things that we need to be better people. When I hear people say "oh it's a blessing" I want to make it so they can neveer speak again. I get so angry at the stupidity of it. To all of the mothers with special needs children I thank you, I admire you, and I respect you. Hang in there everyone!

Hey everyone, just saying hello.

Grace u are so right, it is indescribably painful.  And Anne, thank you, what a very sensitive thing to say to us moms of special needs children. but as you say, the passing of ANY child is just the most horrific pain.  Dennis, and all, when people say things like "at least their suffering is over".... well i gotta tell you something....

when my 12 year old becky passed - she was always in a wheelchair - the most special soul, full of life and love and, well, you just cant believe - Anyway, when she passed, more than one person said, "in a way, isn't a bit of a relief?"  A RELIEF?  A FRIGGIN RELIEF??  THAT MY CHILD IS DEAD?  F-CKIN ASSHOLES!  NO, IF MY CHILD HAD BEEN BORN HEALTHY, AND NEVER SUFFERED AT ALL, AND WAS STILL LIVING A GOOD AND NORMAL LIFE, THAT WOULD BE A RELIEF?  THAT SHE WAS DISABLED AND IS NOW DEAD? NO DEAR, IT IS NO RELIEF WHATSOEVER??!!!  i mean...  what are people THINKING when they say such things!!!!   sorry ... thanks for letting me vent. thats been sitting heavy in my heart for a long time.  u might hear more of it.

I hear you Stephanie...

Michelle, I am sorry for your pain. My 14 yearold son died in May of 2009.  It is hard to see momentos of them.... I still have toys in the yard that have weathered with time and I still can not pick them up to put them in the trash.  And I Still have some clothes and items in his bedroom.   The sudden accident of your son or the unexpected sudden illness of my son only makes me riminded of how random our lives are.... one moment your here...next moment you are gone.  in an instant our lives can be fore ever changed.

every day gets harder.  faith is really difficult.  i don't know where my child is.  

i wish we could hold each other and cry and cry

Hey Adrienne sweetheart, thanks for asking, my day could have been a lot better but it wasn't the worst. How have you been getting through these days?

Hi Dennis, thanks for sharing. You said what I have been feeling all along, "death" is not and never will be a "BLESSING". That sounds crazy to me. People said that to me when my son was brain dead, they would say, "well, if he would have survived, he may have been blind and/or disabled or a vegetable". What the hell!!!......how about I don't care what I would have had to do to take care of him, he's my baby, he was only 21yrs old for goodness sake!!

I hear you too Stephanie......loud and clear!!! 

Hey Michelle, so sorry for your pain, it's so hard to see everyone going on with their lives. This pain is heavy duty......many hugs for you

Hey Grace, you are so right. I took for granted that my children would ALWAYS be here and that they would bury me. These things always happen to someone else and now we have become the "someone else". I just want all of this to be a mistake, I want my son back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is hard losing a child. I am thankful for this group. Everyone here knows and understands the pain and loss where others do not. My heart goes out to all of you.

Thanks Peggy......thanks everyone.

Hi Karen. No need for thanks. I know what it is like losing a child. I too, wish I could have my daughter back.

Last night, a friend of mine, called me sobbing. I knew that sob all to well. Almost 2 yrs ago, her 19yr old son, which was my daughter's boyfriend, had been shot and killed, he was a victim of a robbery at a gas station. She calls me everytime she feels like committing suicide or just to cry, sometimes we both just cry and no words are spoken. Even though I was completely falling apart, I struggled to find a way to calm her. She said that just talking to me, knowing how much I truly understand, helped her so much.  She expressed to me how it's all getting worse and she can't talk to her family about because they are only worried about her. I have been telling her to try this site but she feels like she can't do it, she says she's not ready., so I just told her to call me anytime and she does. Sometimes we plan to meet up at the cemetery since our boys final resting places are about 50ft away from each other. Sometimes we are there for hours, so sad. I can not express enough how important it is to have your feelings validated and not judged.

Wow. Karen... that is great that you both can talk in person to each other.  I understand what you friend feels because I can't talk to anyone either....  I think they are so uncomfortable because it is not something they have experience with.... I must say that it is very nice to have this group to go to....   As for her son being shot ....how sad.... and the case in Florida makes me so angry that those parents have had thier child gunned down with him holding Ice Tea and Scittles! And now this family has been in the spotlight in this grief as the gunman hides.... He should not have shot this boy.....  so sad for his Mother and Father..... 

Please hold them in prayer as we do everyone on this site.

Yes Grace, what an injustice, could have been any one of our children.

I am glad that she has me to talk to. I am sorry that she and I have this in common.

Everytime I hear stories of young people dying...my heart sinks for the parents.... any loss... from any cause... suicide, accidents, cancer.... in the end it really doesn't matter the how or why..... it still is.... GRIEF and PAIN.... and these parents and WE have entered a place where there is ALWAYS a HOLE in our Hearts that can never be filled.   We all know all TOO WELL what hell they have just entered in this "Club" of friends we all become to one another....  PEACE

everydayy i think to myself that i must have been a real terrible person to have had my lil boy taken away from me.....nothing will ever take away this terrible pain or this emptyness

as parents it is almost inevitable that for some time we will feel guilty, if i did this, if i didnt do that.  but maybe that very moment that our children passed on, was the decided time for them to go on to the higher spiritual world.  maybe if our children didnt die the way they did, they still would have, at that same time, some other way. and if so, we would STILL feel, we should have done this or shouldnt have done that. because we are parents, and our babies depend on us, and we feel responsible because that is the way of nature. that  is why it is so very painful for us to lose a child - becoz that is NOT the way of nature.  we dont know why ...  but one day we will know why

I too have had that feeling Nicky.... I think I am angry with God because I wonder why he has punished me so much to take away my son and leave me to live with this pain... what did I do that was so wrong?  I think we all have that feeling in common.... Well said Stephanie and Michelle.  My faith is very shaken... friends that I have that are still religious... I ask them to pray for me because I can not bring myself to have strong faith.... and that I need to call on them to pray for me to carry me through this time.   Yet I struggle with God.... does HE really exist and WHY my son?

Today my sweet nephew Nathan passed away. Nathan was a twin born with a heart defect. As a wee baby he had heart surgery and suffered several strokes on the operating table. He lived his 25 years without the ability to do anything accept smile this beautiful, wonerful smile. Nathans arms and legs were curled up and useless but his smile never failed. I will always remember that beam of light that came with one of his smiles. I feel so bad for my sister who has taken care of Nathan by herself sisnce her husband died 10 years ago. Even though he couldn't speak or move on his own he touched so many hearts with his innocent and pure smile. I will miss him.

Dear Anne... your sister does have a blessing.... IT IS YOU!  You have been through this pain and you can be there to help LOVE her through this grief time... even though we all know this is a Walk through Grief that we all have to walk sometimes Alone..... But She will know she can lean on you and YOU WILL UNDERSTAND and KNOW... And you will know that there will be NO WORDS to comfort her and that she may just need someone like YOU to hold her in your arms as she cries the tears that she must cry..... 

Grace, that was so beautifully put. And Anne, i am so very very sorry for the loss of your nephew.  I ache to know what pain she will endure, and what pain you will have to watch her endure.  I don't know why life is like this. I am so so sorry. Love Steph

Thanks to all, I am grateful for all of you. I gather great strength from all of you. Knowing you and reading what you write lets me know that I am not alone. I hope my sister allows me to love her. Peace and Love to all!

My dear friend Anne,

   Jesus told us, in the Sermon on the Mount, said “Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth “King James Version (KJV) Matthew 5:5.  While on earth Jesus taught his disciples constantly and everything he did showed his compassion.  Jesus’ father, the Most High God, gave him the power and authority to resurrect humans from the dead.  He brought several people back to life so we could have faith that he had this ability and because he “wanted to”.  As King of God’s Kingdom (or government) Jesus will remove all wickedness, make the earth a paradise as God intended and bring back the dead. (John 5:28, 29) “Do not marvel at this, because the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his (Jesus’) voice and come out.” – see also Psalms 37:10, 11 & 29; Revelation 21:4

   I have a multiply handicapped nephew, 31 years old.  His name is David.  I can’t imagine losing him even though he is stuck at about 2.5 years old.  He also has the most wonderful smile – one that sees through all the bad in the world and infects all who spend time with him with a better outlook. He has extremely impaired motor skills and speech. I know that God will fix all his problems and will bring Nathan back to life as well.  Maybe they can be friends in paradise, and they can tell us how much they understood even though they couldn’t tell us.

   Please give your sister a big hug for me and tell her she can email or call me anytime. 

   (Philippians 4:13) “For all things I have the strength by virtue of him who imparts power to me.”  God will give us the power to endure this terrible pain of death until the time when he removes death forever. (Revelation 21:4) "And he will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away.”

   I will keep both of you in my prayers, please remember me in yours. (Philemon 4) “I always thank my God when I make mention of you in my prayers.”

Love,

Brenda

Mawmaw1591@gmail.com

www.grief-and-comfort.com  

Dear Anne, so sorry for the loss of your nephew. Hopefully, you will be able to give your sis the support that she needs, just as you give all of us.......many hugs to you and your sis.

Dear friends, sorry I haven't been on for some time, just been taking things one day at a time. I have okay days and still some very bad days, but at least some days are bearable. I try to surround myself with supportive people, and spend a lot of time with my granddaugthers who give me so much unconditional love. Anne, I am so very sorry for your loss of your nephew. I am sure you will be such a great support for your sister, because she will know that you understand the pain and loss only we who have lost a child can understand. When Zach died, I felt like I could call on my brother any time I needed because he had lost his son two years before. I still feel like if I ever need someone who understands what I am going through I can turn to him. I went to my niece's weeding a couple of weeks ago with two of my daughters. I was so glad that I was able to go, it was my brother's daugther who lost his son two years ago, and my brother also lost his wife in a car accident 22 years ago. My husband didn't feel like he could go, he is having such a hard time being at gatherings, which I understood. I was happy to be there for my niece, but I admit that when she danced with her little boy, I had to leave the room it made my heart ache so bad for all that I won't have with my Zach. Some days, the pain is just as bad as it was that very first day. I can't believe that on the 3rd it will be seven months. Some days I feel like I just have to hold on a little longer and that soon I will see Zach again. I have to believe that some day I will be able to see that beautiful smile that could just light up a room. Thanks for letting me ramble tonight. Big hugs to all.