2 weeks today my dad has been gone. I miss him :(

Tomorrow it will be 6 months. I still can't believe he's gone sometimes. It is so strange to continue living life without him. There are days when things are going along so NORMALLY, that I almost forget that he is gone. Then, I'll walk by one of hte photos in the house of him, or one of the kids will say something about him and it hits me all over again that he is gone. Really gone.

And, every night when I put the kids to bed, they ask me the same questions. Why did Papa die? I really miss my Papa, I want him to come back. Why can't his body come back? Am I going to die? When will you, daddy, I die? Will I see Papa in Heaven? Will I be big or little in Heaven? Will I have all my loveys in Heaven? It goes on and on. Until I just can't take it anymore. I have no answers for their questions. I have the same questions. I want him back too.

I know they are just scared and sad. And I think I've handled thier questions pretty well. We read books on death, like Sad Isn't Bad, What is Heaven Like? and Where's Heaven? I honestly don't know if they help or not. I do know that they prompt more questions from my children. I guess that's good. It is hard on me though. Some nights I am okay, and others, I just want to scream at them to shut up. Of course, I can't do that, but that's what I'm doing on the inside.

I just miss him so much. I keep thinking of all the things that he is missing out on with us nad hte kids. And I really hate to see my kids in such pain. I don't know what to do.

Debbie- I so know what you mean. My heart breaks whenever I think about my kids- at 7 and 4 1/2 they probably won't even remember him, and he loved them so much. My grandma died when I was seven and I only have dim memories of her. If anyone has any ideas on how to "keep him real" to my kids I would welcome them.

Debbie I know exactly what you mean...There are days when I feel everything is the same, everything is NORMAL, then as soon as I come across a picture or something that reminds me of him I can't believe he's not here..and then everything starts all over again...the tears, the WHY"S, the questions, the how did this happen. I don't think I will ever get over missing him.

Andrea I lost my dad Dec 8th and it's almost 2 months for me now too and I feel like it's not real, and I miss him desperately every day. The nights are the worst for me, the silence where I replay everything in my head. I want to believe that it will get better, but it really is so hard right now...the reality that I will never see him again hits me like a ton of bricks and I feel like I can't breathe.

I lost my dad three months ago tomorrow and I'm still finding it so hard to move forward. Everything has changed for me and I don't know how to go on. He died quite suddenly after a massive stroke. It was 9 days after his 82 birthday. It's so hard and I too feel that sometimes I can't breathe when it's like I realize all over again that he's actually gone. I can't get the images of him in those last few days out of my head. And I'm struggling with my identity a little. I've always been daddy's girl, so now that he's gone, who am I. I miss him so much. I'm so sorry for everyone's pain here because I know exactly how you all feel and I think it's so hard for people who haven't been through this to understand it at all. I think people at work think I'm "over it" because I seem to be able to "put it away" so to speak at work, but fall apart every evening. I get angry very easily and have little tolerance for people's crap. It's like I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs "your problem is nothing compared to mine"...selfish I know, but I can't help it. I'm grateful to have found somewhere to talk about it.

I heard a store clerk today talking about how her dad has retired and he's so bored, so he's always calling her to ask what he can do for her, like go to Sam's Club for her. I wanted to slap her, because why does SHE get to still have her dad and I don't? I feel totally alone- my mom ALREADY seems like she's "moved on" while I am just existing. I try to still function at work, but it's so hard. Tomorrow I go to my corporate headquarters for a meeting and this will be the first time I have seen them since my dad died, and I'm terrified I will fall apart when people sympathize with me.

Bethany,
Good luck with your meeting and I know it's hard but try not to be scared about falling apart. I did that on the first day I returned to work and everyone was very kind and comforting. One thing I've learned over the past 3 months is not to apologize for my emotions. It's so hard to function and I absolutely understand what you are going through. It's 3 months today since my dad passed away. I'll be thinking of you today and sending you strength to get through your day.

It has been a a little over a year since I lost my dad. It is like I could have written the earlier posts about returning to work and the nighttime being the worst. When I returned to work - I only went for a few hours on purpose. I wanted to get the whole "how are you" done. I returned on a Friday for a few hours and this seemed to help. It was months before I could close my eyes without seeing my dad lying in hospital bed. There will come a time when you close your eyes and you remember your loved one in better times. That is where I am now thankfully. I still think of him first thing in the morning and last thing at night and countless times throughout the days, but now I remember the dad i had for 69 years, not the dad who was lying in bed sick. Even a year later, I still find so much comfort in these postings, as unfortunately, everyone here gets it. Hang in there and many positive thoughts coming to each and everyone of you.

It has been the same time for me and it seems like the same day....I cannot even accept what has happened and I know I am not well. Every moment I am thinking about the events that led up to that moment at Stanford...I am numb, angry and I don't ever want to believe what has happened....I miss my dad so much it makes me physically ill. I just want hime here living his young life like he is supposed to be.

My Dad has been gone over 10 years now and I still miss him so much. His birthday was last month. Now my Mom is very ill. We have put her in a nursing home but she has dementia on top of all the other things wrong with her. I so wish my Dad was here. He would know just what to do, what to say to her. He was just to young to die. I miss him so much.

My father died January 9th - he'd been sick but he never told my sister and I exactly how sick he was. We didn't even get to say goodbye - he died two hours before we made it to his side (we flew cross-country). Seeing him in his ICU bed was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Amazing how I can be in my 40s and just want my daddy. Like Bethany, I was in the store a few days ago and saw a grandpa, his daughter and her kids... they called the grandma at home to ask what she wanted from the store, and overhearing that made me fall apart. All I could think was my kids and I don't have the opportunity to go to the store with my dad anymore, and it's not fair...... It's something that you know is going to happen at some point in your life, but it is so much harder than I ever thought it would be. :(

I thought we had more time. I had so many things to talk with him about. I wonder did I say I loved him enough. I have a journal now and I write down the things that I wanted to talk about. I don't know how to get over feeling guilty becaue I wan't there.

I lost my dad two years ago in April but everyday I relive the pain and guilt, I just dont seem able to move on. He was my best friend and we were so close...my 3 sisters all seem to have gotten on with their lives but I can't every day I try to fake being ok and it's so hard...the nights the worst all I can think about is him being alone in that hospital bed scared and in pain and dying alone..the guilt and the pain is destroying my life...I know this sounds so dramatic and over the top and I've probably posted this in the wrong place but I have no where else to go or anyone to turn to and I've kept it inside for so long it's killing me.

I lost my father very suddenly on Sept. 17th. He was 68 years old. I am an only child and was a complete daddy's girl. My family lived right next door to he and my mom. We were literally the Everyone Loves raymond family, not anymore. It is so horrible because he was our life. My kids were his life. My mom is a mess and is unfortunately not getting any help yet. She takes her frustartions out on us since we live so close. My father died of misadministration of the drug TPA. He hemmorraged due to poor timing of it after his mini stroke. I would be so honored to honor my father by joining this group.

Sometimes I just come in and read all the posts and feel that everyone of them speaks to how I feel. I do that just so I can feel that I'm not going crazy, and that there are people out there ( you guys) that know exactly what I'm going through and it helps so much. It's been 2 months now and I miss my Dad desperately.

Dara,
Trust me you are not alone! I am a 38 yr old married woman for 13 years, mother of 2 and 1 step-daughter that still feels I am losing my mind. I lost my dad after a sudden loss just 4 1/2 mths ago. I feel like I am losing my mind. I am a PT working mom and a full time master's student. Trust me you are not alone!!!! Please let me know if I can share any of my experience or advice with you. I am seeking counceling and have gone to my DR. I am a marathon runner and anyone fromt eh outside would never know I was dying inside!!! I understand....

It has been 8 months since I lost my dad. Last month I finally decided to go see a counselor because I was so miserable and just boxing all of my emotions up. The first two visits all I did was cry. I didn't realize that I was harboring so much guilt over my dad's death. He had a massive stroke during surgery and I had to help my mom make those tough decisions his last few days before he died, like stopping the medicine, etc. I guess I will always wonder if we made the right choices?

I am 23 years old. I lost my dad, unexpectantly, 6 weeks ago. I can't comprehend why or how he is gone. During the days immediately following his death, I had my myself believing that he's just playing a joke on us. Despite still participating in school and work, I find that all I do is cry and dream of him. I want him back. I didn't get enough time with him and that makes me sad. I feel like I could have done more in order to save him. If only I had a time machine...

I am 27 years old, my dad died January 27, 2010 due to a major stroke in his brain stem. It was very sudden and unexpected, he was only 57. The doctors told us he would make a sixty to ninety percent recovery, but then they didn't realize where the stroke actually happened and the affects it had on his system. I believe I am still in shock over this. I am a part time funeral director and am in grad school part time working on my masters in social work. It was a blessing to help my family help make the difficult decisions during the funeral arrangements, but it was like I was numb and it wasn't my dad's funeral who I was planning. Just a very strange/surreal experience.

My dad was my best friend. He was my rock. My dad was my hero, the only person on this entire planet who actually listened when I spoke and understood what I was trying to say. It will be 5 years on March 1st... I'm having a very difficult time with it. "I want my dad back", I've been saying that ever since it happened... The depression and grief comes in waves, even 5 years later. Out of no where it just hit me tonight - the sadness is so overpowering that I had to reach out for help. I doubt anyone is listening, but if you are, just know... the intensity of the pain and loss dulls as times goes on but the grief is everlasting

Maggie May,
I too have the depression and grief. IT's been about 6 months, and I tell myself that I can deal with this, but on days I start shaking thinking about the horror of it all. Some days I can live like nothing has happened, then I start thinking and am in disbelief that I cannot call and talk to him anymore forever!

I lost my dad two weeks and a day ago. I don't know how to continue going on! I feel like i died that day as well. He was my number one fan, my bestfriend, the one person I could tell anything to and it was ok. He was always proud of me even when I had let everyone else down. I keep trying to tell myself that he is on vacation and I can call when he gets back but there will never be another call....The pain is just unbearable

im 17 years old. i lost my dad on jan 9th 2010. he was in a fatal car accident in plaistow nh. me and my 2 sisters were at his house the weekend it had happened. we woke up to the policeofficer from sandown where he had lived banging on the door. i thought we had done something wrong but then i took a sec to think about it and was like no we couldnt have we were sleeping but the police officer had asked us if there was any adults home and we said no just us. he said well i need too speak to an adult so i asked what was going on he said ken has been in a car accident. so not thinking it was so bad at that moment i went and called my mom. he talked to her for about 30 min maybe more but then he came back and had my sister call her mom. and after he walked out the door i called my mom back to see what was going on she said she didnt know but then she said she was on her way to come get me. well thinking my dad was going to be okay we cleaned for him and everything. then my mom had called too ask for directions so i brought my phone to the officer so he could give her directions. and i looked at his computer screen. he had down all my sisters mom info then under neath he wrote i had advise vikki of kenneths loss. then thats when it hit me. i had told my sister when i went back into the house. and then everyone showed up and we were crying by the time they walked in the house. my mom had come right over to me and all she could say was im so sorry baby im so sorry... it hurts so much to know that my dad who also my best friend is gone forever. i have days where im okay then just randomly have a mental break down. its so hard to think about him being gone. i remember the day he died i didnt really believe it i thought it was a dream i had txted him saing "daddy. i love you." at 1:44pm. and everyday i sit here and watch my phone hoping to get a call or txt. hes gone but it just doesnt feel like reality at all just feels like a nightmare thats been going on for almost 4 months. i just wish there was someway i could have him back and not go through all this pain i have inside..

Savannah I know exactly what you mean. My dad passed away on February 18, 2010. Since then, my life has turned completely upside down. It's know I don't know my felt from my right anymore. It's so hard to think that I won't ever get to see my dad again--talk to him, hug him, or tell him I love him. Everyone says time will heal, but when? I have so many emotions that I just don't know what to do with them. Everyday is a struggle...

I am having trouble getting back to normal. i miss my dad and just can't believe he is gone.

Hello, I am new here and not sure where to post my introduction. I lost my Dad on March 25 to a sudden illness. He has always been a fit man and never sick a day in his life until then. He was admitted to the hospital on Monday night, moved to ICU on Tuesday night, Wednesday he was diagnosed with a rare blood disease, and he coded at 7:50 AM Thursday morning before they could even start treatment. We were told he would survive this and he would be fine even though he was very ill. I watched the code team due CPR on my Dad for 20 minutes and brought him back to life. He lived another hour and 45 minutes and in that time my brother, sister, and our spouses were all able to get to the hospital. I never told him goodbye because i was in denial I guess that he was really going to die. I was holding his hand though and said I Love you Daddy 2 times and after I said it the 2nd time his heartrate jumped up from the low 30's to the upper 50's and within seconds he was gone again. Only this time he didn't come back. I am lost, mad, confused, and the grief is unbearable. I was very close to my Dad and went to him for everything. I want to know why this happened to us. :( Things like this don't happen to us. I hope to find comfort in all of your stories and know that I am not alone in this.

i am still having trouble dealing with my dad's passing. He died unexpectedly at the age of 57. He went in his sleep and we are still waiting on the ME report. He was on heart medication so i suspect that his heart gave out. But i am in disbelief and numb to the whole situation. i still call him and look for his emails. I wonder why he is gone. We come from long line of family members who live well into their 90s, our longest was 103 years old. I miss my dad. He was my advisor, counselor, prayer warrior. He loved the Lord with all his heart and was a ray of sunshine. I miss hearing his voice, reading his emails, and listening to the going ons on his daily life. I struggle with seeing a doctor for sleeping pills or antidepressants or even seeing a counselor to talk it out. This is my only outlet for now. I am lost and trying to figure out how to go on from here. It has been 5weeks and 6 days since he has been gone. I love you daddy and miss you so much!!

just wanted to post some of my thoughts and feelings. I have had good days and bad days. I miss my dad, but i am looking at many avenues to help me get through this. last week i went to my first grief share group. It was perfect because i was on the second day of a really bad couple of mental melt downs. It helped to see the video and talk with people afterwards and share. I still try to keep busy, but my down times always go back to thoughts of my dad being gone. I hope to not be so mental but figure this out, usually he is my guide along with prayer and my Lord Jesus Christ. I sure do miss you dad. Love you!!!

I understand your feelings my dad died Nov 20th and it seems like a piece of my heart and soul is missing everyday. He didnt even get to see me graduate from college. That was is proudest moment of me. I just wish he could be here to guide me thru some of the hard times I have because he was my guiding light. I loved hime very much!!!....If you ever need to talk just write me up some time!!

I lost my Dad two weeks ago. It hurts so bad. I got a phone call yesterday from my step mother and in my cell phone their number is still listed as Dad. I without thinking looked at my cell and thought oh look Dad is calling. And then realized my mistake and couldn't stop crying. He used to work for the local newspaper and I saw a paper sitting on a driveway on the way to church yesterday and started crying. I feel guilty if I smile or laugh. Is all this normal? I'm scared of losing my sanity thru this.

Now the depression has kicked in. It's been since Aug 2009, and it is so unbelievable. Everyday I think about him, it is so unacceptable. I write to him in a journal and I think 'what am I doing?' I'm supposed to be talking to him like I used to. The only one I could every talk silly to. He loved all his children. He was the only one I would always have fun with because he was a good man. It is unbelievable and I feel so very alone.

@Courtney, thanks. helps so see posts. @Patricia, i know what you mean about the phone call. My sister and i had to shut off services from my dad's phone, but before that, if someone called me from his house, it read dad. i haven't taken him out of my cell phone and I randomly or habitually call him but now instead of answering machine i get the no service message. makes me sad, but i still call. Feeling crazy is normal. just realized that last week myself. I started going to a GriefShare group, and i understood my feelings better. For instance, i am sure you have a never ceasing voice echoing within yourself that throws thousands of questions, or runs memory flashes through your head constantly. You emotions go from simple sadness to complete anguish and you just want to scream, cry, run, go nuts and yell at the top of your lungs for the world to stop and realize the pain and the loss of your dad. But i realized the world hasn't stopped, not even paused because my dad died. Only my world has been affected and what i know now and still working on is that the pain will never go away or heal, it's a wound that i will trying to make better, and my world will never be the same. The normal that i once knew is different. And that is how i have to treat it, different, i have to live a new life without my dad. It's not taking day by day, it's taking moment by moment because one moment i will be fine and the next moment something will trigger me and i will go from 1 to 10 on my sadness scale, if you will. So my advice keeping moving along, and continue to seek avenues to give you the tools to help you make your wound better. I have turned to books, music, medication, greifshare group, counseling, and church. I am taking it all in right now. Hope that something i said helps. May you be in God's grace, covered in His love & strength during this time.

Thank you so much for writing all this to me, Mel. I just can't seem to get thru this and my feelings are just like what you describe. Its good to know I am not going crazy. I have been trying to find a Grief group. So far no luck. My husband last night just stated you seem ok one minute and then the next you are so sad its bad. I already am involved alot in our church. My dad also went to the same church so its alittle hard to go to church there but I am employed by the church so I have to go. In a way that helps. Thanks again for putting into words what I couldn't yet. You were a very big help to me. God Bless You.

@Patricia, you know my dad was saved. That gives me comfort, but the loss of him has also left me unmotivated to go to church too. I barely can read or study my bible. My dad passed away March 4 and i have been to church 3 times and couldn't sit thru one because it talked about dying and going to heaven and i couldn't focus and just sat there and cried so i had to get up and leave. On that note, not wanting to go to church is common too and your feelings about God. I got a perfect analogy from GriefShare last week that helped me get perspective. I am sure you are aware of the verse, God will never leave you or forsake you. So imagine that He is the sun and you are in a dark basement. The blinds and shades are drawn and there is no light that you can see. You are in the dark, but you know the sun is shining. That darkness, those blinds or window shades are your grief. Right now it is preventing you from seeing the sun and feeling the warmth. BUT it is still there. Just like God, He is still there, we are just in the dark because of our grief. So the old saying, "a time and a season for everything under the sun". Again, you just have to find avenues or tools to help you open up the shades again, you won't be the same, but you will see the sun again. Just like Job and David, they had joy and they had anguish, as well as our Lord Jesus Christ. Just gotta tell yourself to keep moving along, moment by moment. By the way, GriefShare is a national organization, if you go to GriefShare.org you can type in your zip code and it lets you know if they have a group in your area. Hope this helps you. God Bless you.

Thank you again Mel for sharing with me. I have found a Grief Share program that is scheduled to begin on June 3. My pastor has agreed to help me until I can get in. The church that is having it says I can come and still meet with them even though they are training. I probably won't do that. I will just talk to our pastor. You have managed to put some of this into focus for me. I really thought I was going nuts. I never in my life thought anything would hurt this bad. I seem stuck and can't seem to move on. Your loss is very recent too. I am truly sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you. Thank you again for talking with me. God Bless You.

@ Mel Your right moving day by day is not the way its moment by moment. Its hard but as long as you have people and family and even friend to help you thru this is becomes easier to deal with. The pain never goes away. I still find myself trying to call him asking if he needs something. Then I have to stop pull myself together, look up smile, and continue to go on with my life knowing he is watching me and knowing I am ok. My mom on the other hand its hard. we fight and argue all the time. I am not good enough for her anymore....I dont know what to do anymore.

@Mel how are you doing darlin??....I been sorried about you and.......@Pat How are you??...Hope you and Mel are doing good keep me posted and if you need anythign let me know???

@Courtney, hanging in there. dealing with sorting out my dad's possessions. Its tough, i wish our possesssions vaporied when we die so that our loved ones don't have to go thru it and feel so awkward, all you want is the person back. I just want my dad back....not any of his stuff. so dealing with that trainwreck....emotionally, spiritually, and mentally, all my cargo is damaged and trying to make it work & piece back together to get going again.

@Courtney, Thank you for checking on me. Just about when I think I might be ok I'm not. I had a great day last week and the rest of the week wasn't good. I saw alot of my Dad at our church. I work for our church and I see my Dad everywhere. I need a break. We just can't afford a vacation right now. I had thought about leaving this church but am committed right now to too many things. I just don't know what to do and don't have anyone to talk to. Thanks for letting me vent.

@Mel I understand yesterday was 6 months since my dad has passed....My mom decided to final take his clothes out of the closet....It was hard but she did it...I know its hard I have the banjo my moma nd I got him....I also have the exact shirt he died in....My mom washed it!!....I know its hard but believe me that when it comes down to it you know your doing it for him...He wouldnt want you to have the stuff to be sad....I look at my dads banjo and i laugh because the way he got it was funny...we took a picture of it wrapped it up in a box and told him this is as close as he was gettin to it...lol...then he went to bed that night with a banjo in his spot!!...he laughed sooo hard because of it...I think of the good stuff about him and the stuff that I am looking at...But I promise that it does get easier but no the pain doesnt go away!!........@Pat I would just tell everyone at the church that I need to back away from the place not anything or anyone general, but just where you can get your feet on the ground again...If you need to go and get a part time job at a place you like alot just to give you time away and at the same time give you extra money while you take a break but dont back away untill you find another job so you dont lose any money...what you need is a change in your life...I know its hard to say it but when our dads died it changed our lives...now to cope with it we need a change....I think if you do this it will help...And if you guys need anything just let me know I am always here I like to help people and its nice to have someone to talk to about my dad and stuff!!!..hope to talk to you guys soon!!

@Courtney, thanks. Was battling with the "What-ifs" this week. bummed me out for a couple of days and was hard to get out of bed. I want to hear my dad's voice, i want to chat with him, tell him about my day, and hear what silly thing he is doing. He had a dry sense of humor and always had a terrible joke to share with me. I miss that. I miss him. Sorting thru his stuff is hard for me, in fact, i am not doing it, just giving verbal instructions because i live in another state. So that makes me sad, not being able to do that myself, i started it when i was there for a month, but now i am too far. it is hard, when i was doing good, i got knocked on my butt again. So taking it moment by moment and hoping for and looking for better days. Keep me in your prayers and my family. My prayers and love to you and yours.

@Mel, I am glad that you are keeping faith that will help.....I could sit here and say i understand how you feel about being far away when you it comes to your dad stuff....But I will say this it is harder when your away I was talking to my step-sister and she is having it soooo rough, I told her about this website and hoping that she will join it to help her heal....See 3 days before my dad dies he left her a voicemail now we all have that voicemail on our computers........As for me and my family, my mom and I are getting back to the way it was.....We sit at the table and talk now....Things will never be completely the same but we try to think he is gone to his moms in a different state, or if we are in the kitchen we act like he is asleep in the bedroom....I know this doesnt help but we try to not make it hurt......I just want have my life back!!!....But I do hope that you are keeping faitha dn I will keep you and your family in my prayers....I know that you are a strong woman and you will be ok....I know that things will get rough but when you have friends it helps, and I consider everyone here a friend, so you have me if you need anything!!!...Just let me know!!!

@Courtney, thanks. I appreciate your kind words. Talking about my dad is on and off, a roller coaster of emotions. Sometimes its good and others is bad because it makes me so sad. I feel such a sickness or ackiness in the pit of my stomach that radiates throughout my whole being. AT times the world seems dull and muted because my head echoes, "My dad is dead." So my mind fights back and forth with the reality of it all and I too try to think that he is on vacation sometimes or that i am and i will get a chance to catch up with him sooner or later. I miss his goofy jokes, i miss his rantings on various subjects that after 5 minutes i check out of the conversation, and now, now i wish for a simple "Hello!" from him. I know that it is a process and sometimes i feel strong and others not so much. It is still moment by moment and the loss of a loved one is hard to bear. But, i know it's part of life and their is no manual on how to complete this experience, so i will take it in stride and have my moment of triumph and my moment of defeat. Lord grant us all the strength we need in all circumstances. Love & God bless and your family.

@Mel This pain is hard to bear I know....I have been having dreams about my dad...I dont know what to do....Its weird to have this dream is always about the same thing...Him finding a way to come back to life...I wish that I could bring him back to life...I know that if it was possible I wish we could have our dads!!....I know that dad is watching me hopeing i am making him proud....He has mad me proud!!!...I am glad that I have found such good friends on here to talk to!!!

Been having a rough day today. Letting go is so hard. I found this poem and it made me feel better and reminded me so much of my dad. I thought i would share with you. Not looking forward to the first father's day without my dad. Trying to be tough.
**************************************

What Makes A Dad

God took the strength of a mountain,... See More
The majesty of a tree,
The warmth of a summer sun,
The calm of a quiet sea,
The generous soul of nature,
The comforting arm of night,
The wisdom of the ages,
The power of the eagle's flight,
The joy of a morning in spring,
The faith of a mustard seed,
The patience of eternity,
The depth of a family need,
Then God combined these qualities,
When there was nothing more to add,
He knew His masterpiece was complete,
And so, He called it ... "DAD!”
Author Unknown

@Mel, Thanks for posting that poem. Its great. I don't know about yall but I am having a real hard time at night. I just dread going to bed. I guess its because I don't sleep. Its quiet and I start thinking. I try not to but it just creeps in and I start crying. I try not to disturb my husband but sometimes I do. Today was 6 weeks since he died. I always have a hard time on Tuesdays. I really am not looking forward to Father's day and then 19 days after that was his birthday. I'm not sure if I will be able to attend church on Father's Day. Thanks for letting me vent again.

i know what you mean. i cry my self to sleep too. i get up when it's real bad because i don't want to disturb my husband either. today has been rough, i feel sick to my stomach and my heart aches. I feel numb and distant. I was thinking of the day i got married. My dad was so proud, I felt like such a princess and was beautiful moment in time, dancing with my dad. He twirled me in circles, i loved it. Hang in there Patricia. It's not a bad thing to cry, you body and mind is suffering the loss and its everything in your whole being that is purging all the sadness. I don't know who long it will last but it's just a testament to the great love you had for your dad. Keep your chin up and reflect on the good times, embrace the warmth and love that those memories bring back. Forever in your heart! Love & God bless you my friend. Mel

@Mel tahnks that poem is my favorite last year on fathers day I gave my dad that poem on his facebook....I look back at that same comment name and I cry. The memories flood back in my mind and I dont know what to do, so I sit and cry.....Your very lucky Mel becuase your dad got to wakl you down the aisle and mine didnt....He always said he would be there to do it when I was ready...I dont know now what I will do if I ever get married.....@Pat This fathers day is goign to be hard on all of us...but taht is the joy alos because we have made good friends here....and our dads are watching us looking on us....all we have to do is look up and say happy fathers day...They know we care, I am sure they are watching us grow into wonderful ppl now...no matter how old we get they will always watch over us and guide us in their mysterious ways....Thanks again guys for always being here when I need someone to talk to!!!....Courtney!!!

Ok Folks I completely lost it today. It was terrible. First off I stood up and stretched and got my hand caught up in our ceiling fan. I nearly broke my thumb or at least it felt that way. I cut it too. No ER just hubby tending it. It is really sore right now. Then I got involved with my sons problems and I went on a rampage and don't really know why. I feel terrible for my husband and son. They took the brunt of it. I then completely fell apart and started crying. Not at all like me. All I could think about was I wish Dad was here to help me. Not going to happen. I finally got myself under control and apoligized. My son hugged me and said it was ok. My hubby is a saint and always helps me. The best thing that has happened today is my son finally got a job. He starts Monday. He has been with no job since December. We have been supporting him with us on not much money. Maybe that was part of my problem too. Thanks yall for letting me vent yet again.