SUSAN.. when my mom died I was with her as well.. I had my hand on her ankle and my sister was by her head.. mom was so ill and could hardly breathe.. she had struggled HARD for so long... suddenly out of my mouth came the words "Lord You are supposed to be the God of Mercy.. where is the mercy in THIS?" And RIGHT AT THAT VERY SECOND as the word 'this' was coming to an end.. right on the final 's' sound I literally FELT a RUSH of what felt like tingling energy come out of my mom and through my hand on her ankle and at that VERY SAME INSTANT .. ALL of her monitors simultaneously CRASHED and I knew her spirit had FLOWN from her body and gone to be with God.. nobody much believes me but it DID happen and although I still grieved her death I knew that all the pain and suffering was now only MINE to bear... me and my sisters and my dad... and that MOM was now gloriously WHOLE and without pain FOREVER... and that one day we would all join her.. God willing.. so have HOPE and hold on to those little kisses from heaven.. they are REAL and they are God's way of allowing you to know that your mom lives with Him and still cares about you and is STILL WITH you in some way that none of us can really understand... I send you hugs from my broken heart to yours... we will hold on to each other here on earth until we too are Home at last...

My mom was a happy loving person.. we will always miss her terribly.. and I don't share the experiences I've had since she died with hardly anyone outside of here because I can't stand it when they don't believe it and make light of it or say its just my mind playing tricks because I feel that is like spitting in the Face of God Who can do anything He wants and Who loves us and our loved ones who have gone to be with Him more than we can understand and I will never put down something God does or allows that brings me comfort about mom... or my son who passed away in 2013.. or any of the others I have lost and have had different 'assurances' from heaven that they are somehow still with me on some level.. so I keep the stories mostly in here where others have had some similar experiences and where others have tender broken hearts like mine and are not so quick to say I'm crazy or delusional.. this is a good place mostly... sometime someone comes in to try to hurt others or cause trouble but they get shut down really quickly by either the other members or the administrators so it is a really safe place...

wen i wz burnn inses stiks i got ths tell me if im mad so on

it wz wear my dad usd 2 sit

After Ken went into a coma and brain function had ceased, palliative care measures were started and I laid next to him when he was extubated.  It did not take long for him to pass quietly and peacefully.  The doctor came in and determined he was gone, and called the time of death at 5:18 pm.  This was central time zone.  At 3:18 pm in Los Angeles, same moment, the lights went out at the church where our newest grandson was being baptized.  No electricity for the rest of the ceremony.  Ken had said he would be there!  Everyone there knew it was his spirit coming to see his grandson that he never held.  Then the day after his funeral I was walking from a playground with our other grandson, age 5, and on the lawn was a single plumeria flower.  It's the kind they make Hawaiian leis with.  Ken and I went to Oahu last Feb and tried to plan on going back in Oct, but his health was failing.  He died Oct 9th.  There was not a plumeria plant around.  Trace cupped it in his little hands and wanted to surprise his mom, Ken's daughter.  Just as we walked in the apartment, the photo slideshow they were watching (his son produced for the funeral) just started showing photos from our hawaiian trip!  I believe God sent His angels to produce these messages to show us His love and to comfort us, to let us know Ken was with Him.  I love these, I feel a joy when I retell the stories.  I wish it would stay.

http://vimeo.com/39734211

luv washin his show colin fry sad he died coz he wz si gud just hop ths likk i post wz ok im sorry if i carz upset 2 anyy 1 on hear

had a dream wen i had a npa i saw my dad for abot min but he lookt grt full of engy mor thn we hav flr real

http://vimeo.com/15143745

Your loved ones on the Other Side can and will use people to give you messages, and generally, the person delivering the message is not aware of it. Listen to those around you, the words they are speaking may be a direct message from the Spirit world to you.

This happened to me yesterday. Two different people in two different places. Coming up on the 4 year angel date and her birthday shortly after that. Feeling sad, I left the house to go run some errands. I'm glad I did.

I know Angela.. I treasure each one ... at first it seemed those little 'coincidences' and 'unexplained occurrences' happened so often.. now almost 4 years later they seemed to be so seldom and not as dramatic and i miss them.. maybe I'm just not looking so hard these days.. I don't know what it is but I sure do miss them .. I have no doubt that those 'signs' you were given were from heaven.. how they are sent and by whom exactly I don't know .. are they actually sent by our loved ones? or from God on behalf of our loved ones? I don't really care how.. I'm just so glad they do  happen .. because its what keeps me going and keeps me hoping for the day we will be together again.. amen.

Susan I just now saw your post below.. from Nov 5.. sorry I missed it all this time.. I wanted to tell you about my dad.. mom passed many years before dad.. I told you about that awhile ago on here.. dad lived alone in their house for many years after but eventually became ill and died in the hospital .. before he died my sisters and I had a big falling out because I felt they were not listening to me about what was happening to dad and they made me leave the hospital.. so I couldn't be there when he passed away which made me so sad ... but one sister told me how dad kept saying that my mom was coming to get him in his chariot at 9:30 .. they thought he was just delirious and didn't pay much attention .. but dad died at 9:30 the next morning...for a long time I never felt dad's presence, but in the past year or so I have smelled his pipe smoke all around me where there is NO source of pipe smoke anywhere... those signs are real.. I know they are.

Two years ago today on 2/19/2015 I lost the truest love I ever had.  I will miss you forever Mike.  My heart aches for your loss.  I will always love you. 

i nok i no its nt a hums sine bt wot abot a pt pet sine 2 day i had sines frm cat lcuy lucy pls dnt me be mad it me sory if iv arxd upst 2 bt 2 day sum of her otys toys trnd uo tyhy did it wz lk a sinse sayin she wz ok shes ok on my kitns havin her toys she wz  its lk she s sid my dad th r bth 2 geth agan bean hapy agan thy r im sory if i carz upst i am only sayin ths coz i carsd upst on aner sit i did ovr grivin fr my cat sory if i destry a pesn 2 i am its just coz i mis evry 1 its gon himens pets so on

i fond thes on imges i did nt on hear bt foto imges sit i did

Hi. My best friend who was like a step-mother (I would never say mother because it seems disrespectful to my Mom) passed away on January 24.  This is after losing my Mom, my Dad, my Uncle, my step-mother-in-law, and several friends in the recent past.  I'm handling it, because I'm going numb after that much loss.  So, I'm not really ready or able to talk about the pain right now.  What I am ready to talk about is the dreams.  With all of them I've had dreams that seem so real.  My friend Mike died four years ago.  Two years ago, his Mom died.  Right before his Mom's funeral, I had a dream that she was with my parents and everyone we'd known as mutual friends who had passed on, and I was watching the party.  They were having fun.  My Mom who was normally very shy even got up and sang a song.  Then, Mike came storming in and he was madder than a wet hen.  I asked him what was wrong and he started ranting about how men only use women for sex.  After his rant, he looked at me and said, "What are you doing here?  You're not supposed to be here.  Get out."  I woke up then.  At the funeral, his wife told me she had recently started dating and she knew he was mad because he was actually visiting her.  She said she saw him sitting at the side of her bed.  And, she said every time she comes home from a date with the boyfriend she now has that pictures fall off the walls or things fly across the room.  So, I thought - I didn't know she was dating or that he was mad about it, so was I maybe really there, because he sure let me know in the dream he was mad.  And, that makes me think all of the other dreams I've had are true.  I've had dreams about my Mom and my friend Linde Grace who just died and it seems like I'm really with them.  I'll tell you all about them later though cuz I can't tell the whole story in my first post.  I haven't had any dreams about my Dad, but believe it or not he called me on the phone for six months after he passed away.  My most recent dream from my friend who just passed away was it seemed like she was teaching me a life lesson that now other friends are telling me she had talked to them about her wanting this for me.  So, just wondering if this sounds familiar to anyone - has anyone else had these dreams?  And, sorry to post this and say I'll be back tomorrow to talk more, but I'm going to have to go to bed now, because I'm leaving early in the morning to go to an out of town birthday party and may not be able to speak with you all until tomorrow night after the party or Sunday morning, but I sure am looking forward to seeing what you all have to say.  God bless you all as I know you all are grieving too.  May God be with you.

I dream of my sister almost every night . In the dreams she is not dead she looks the same as she did before death. I have lost both parents and 2 brothers all dreams of them were they died. I was my sisters care taker. I had to place her in a board and care for mental illness because of yrs of addiction RX drugs took its toll on her. I had her living with me for many yrs off and on for 45 yrs. My husband and sons and myself couldn't handle it. The grief I am going through is worse than I have ever felt before. Although we were 1 yr apart me being the oldest, I feel like I lost my twin. We were nothing alike. She was very meak and passave, I am strong will say it like it is kind of person. I had 4 siblings 3 are gone 1 is left also RX addict. I hurt so bad that I am not a strong woman any longer. I started therapy in hopes of getting some answers. I wish someone could help me the Guilt is killing me. WHAT DO I DO.

Alicia its not you who determines when its time for someone to die... and you can't always fix other people's hurts ... you tried.. thats more than most family members do... but I can tell you are the kind of person who keeps trying even when its probably not working anymore... like me sometimes... I hope you can be kind to yourself.. your pain won't help anyone ... even you...

My 36 year old son Christopher died April 5th of an alcohol drug overdose.  He is a Christian and fought addictions for many years. I have tremendous guilt praying I could of helped him-saved him.  A few days ago I saw an Angel, just after saying I wish I could hear Chris say "Hi, mom, I love you-then the Angel appeared it was above me in the sky, there was a path leading up to where the Angel was. It was real and I was overcome with emotion.  I feel happy about this. Sad : because I know some people think he can't be saved because of how he died.  I pray for understanding and support. Thank you....

I believe you got your answer Cindi... God is a merciful God and knows our hearts even with everyone else thinks they do... but only He does and only our hearts matter.. we all say and do things that hurt Him and like the best parent ever He loves us anyway.. and He wants us with Him.. and He did the ultimate to make a way... I think the angel showed you the path that was there for your son... I can't prove it.. but angels don't come to tell us bad news... do they?

Gosh, I read all of your stories and I feel as if I am one with all of you. 

Alicia Dawn - I too have dreams all the time of my Mom and she is alive like she was here but in the dreams I keep acting like we are sharing the life we had on earth as I keep asking her to please go to the doctor and take her medicine and she keeps telling me that she doesn't need to, that she is healed, that she is still alive - and every time I have that dream I wake up expecting her to still be alive it is so real and then I remember she's not.  But, is she not?  She isn't here like I once had her, but every time I have that dream she is basically telling me to get off her back about going to the doctor, because she doesn't need to since she is alive and well again.  I was her caregiver too and I feel a lot of guilt for a lot of things - that I couldn't save her, that even before she was sick that I couldn't save her from her hard life, etc. etc. etc. - but maybe they never needed to be saved because when I see my Mom in my dreams all she tells me is she is alive and well.  My guess would be that the same is true for your sister.

Cindi - my Dad got sober before he died, but he spent many years drinking heavily in order to self-medicate from physical pain since he was handicapped and emotional pain since he was handicapped due to severe child abuse.  I worried myself sick over did God really forgive him for all the things he did when he was drunk.  I still don't know the answer to that question, but as I live and learn I'm starting to ask myself does God judge us the same way the world does.  My dad might have drank too much, but he broke the cycle of physical abuse and didn't pass physical abuse on to his kids.  He worked himself to death on a handicapped body to make better for his family.  He was forever bringing stray animals home, because he couldn't stand to see anyone or anything hurt.  He met a man who was worse off than him and took that man under his wing and helped that man for the rest of his life even though my Dad barely had anything himself.  Does God look less kindly on him because he drank a bunch along the way than he looks at the pious person in church who looks down their nose on everyone and never lifts a finger to help anyone other than to judge them?  I surely hope not.  I think also of my Uncle who was in WWII and he went in with plans of being a preacher but he was on the front lines and saw so much that he drank most of his life, quit for a few years, and then when he started again quickly drank himself to death.  He was also one who was forever saving stray animals.  Sometimes I think people who drink feel so deeply in a cruel world that they have to turn it off some how.  Does God really see that as bad?  I surely hope not.  I'm not going to lie.  I still worry sometimes.  They had hard lives and I want them to be at peace more than anything, bu those old religious tapes are hard to turn off.  Yet, the more I live the more I see beauty in the lowest places and see evil in the highest places, so maybe God doesn't see the world the way we do.  Who did Jesus walk with when he was on this earth?  The lowest.  The people Jesus was actually hardest on were the highest who were sitting in their comfortable religious and political grandstands weighting people down with heavy loads.  I really think your son is okay.  Listen for him and see if he breaks through to let you know he is okay.  My father broke through when I was having Reiki done and told the Reiki practitioner that he was okay, and the Reiki practitioner used some words only my Dad used, so I believe the Reiki practitioner really was getting a message from my Dad.

im thinking this is a little too heavy for me with the organized religion, i prefer spirituality :) but one last thought before i go. i think the word sin implies guilt and judgment and i am thinking we don't need that negative energy anymore than what we have been burdened with considering what we've all been through here. I think perhaps a better way to consider human beings is perhaps that we are not perfect and will always make choices differently than one another. My choices may be wrong in your eyes and vice versa. In addition a christian considers certain choices wrong that a jewish individual may not. In other parts of the world outside of America, we are completely wrong in every way and headed for a horrendous afterlife. So who knows what the actual outcome will be, are we correct or is the other side of the world? We wont know until we get there. Whats important is to live your own personal truth, to be kind and not to hide behind words like sin and judgment and to forgive human beings because  that is what love is. Hatred fuels bad things to happen and so does judgment, i know that for sure. So does believing in someone who you never met , yet continues to get you to doubt reality and your own self control. Stay positive and dont ever for one second think you are a sinner. Wake up each day knowing its a new beginning and you are in charge of your own destiny, not anyone else.  I mean the truth is what you're saying completely contradicts itself, if you really know your stuff about what you are preaching. you are forgetting the part about hell and all that.....but i am not going there i would rather forget all about that part of my childhood completely since it was traumatizing. 

Nicole, I belong to the Religious Recovery movement, and for those who are still struggling with punishment in the afterlife beliefs or a need to recover from any type of religious harshness or abuse, I recommend one of the co-founders books "Every Path Leads Home," (https://www.amazon.com/Every-Path-Leads-Home-Spiritual/dp/098986810...) which helps us to see the bigger picture of religion and it's history.  However, when someone has been indoctrinated into the concept of hell just telling them to get over it isn't going to help, because some people have been hardwired since birth to believe that and it takes work, love, and support to help them recover.  So, my hope is that we can all be patient and nurture people through that so they don't go away from here more afraid than they were before.  It took me years to get over that hardwiring and even after that hard work that fear is still in the back of my head after someone dies even though I've attended seminary classes and put a lot of hard work into unlearning and re-learning.  In the hope it will comfort some who have been indoctrinated into a hell doctrine, I have learned in my hard study that the concept of hell arose from Gethenna - a desert place people were exiled to in biblical times - and was introduced into our theology late in our religion (Christianity arose from Judaism which did not have a belief in hell) and the bible really says a new heaven and a new earth as a starting point for recovering from fear about our loved ones - but people still need support in overcoming that teaching, and I hope they can find it here.  The only thing I will have a problem with here is if people start either in public or in private messages in our inboxes trying to convert us to their religious beliefs and if that happens I encourage people to report it to the administrator if it continues after an initial no.  When someone is in deep grief is not the time to lead them to conversion to another faith, but it can be a time to help them heal from teachings that make grieving harder for them.

Also, the definition of sin is just missing the mark.  It means we made a mistake.  We have this concept of sin in our culture like it is some horrible soul crushing thing that is looked at with such trepidation - and the definition of it simply means to make a mistake.  True, some mistakes are bigger than others and can range from a little white lie to doing something criminal, but I think looking at sin as it was originally intended to be looked at can help us fee a lot more forgivable.  It is much easier to picture God forgiving us for missing the mark/making a mistake than it is to picture him forgiving us or our loved ones from a word that carries the weight the word sin carries in our culture.

every time we think we are without sin we have committed the sin of pride... every time we think we are humble we are not... every time we think we don't need God we are wrong... but believe what you want...

Thank you for sharing this. I've had just about every of these ADC's. Perhaps when I'm more comfortable and aware of the community I can share some. 

Leslie please do share.. its been 4 years since my son died and most of the assurances we experienced after he died no longer seem to be happening very often.. for a long time amazing things kept happening...now I still smell Lilies often ... where there are no lilies..but the rest of the signs seem to have stopped.  I miss them.

I'm still navigating the way the site works, so I'm sorry if I'm not responding appropriately. My father died in September, so it's rather recent. I'm sorry to hear of your loss, I know it's devastating. His spirit was particularly strong and vivid the first month. I literally had to tell him he died. He didn't believe me at first. I shall write something about it someday.  He was there for the first month, by my side, literally moving things and finding important documents like his will for me. Now he's more here in dreams. 

Wow.... we had songs just 'play themselves' on the computer, a guitar strum itself, lights go on by themselves over a manger twice, and many other things.. mostly during the first year... then things came less and less.. but the lilies are almost daily still..

lilies are lovely. And yes, somehow our loved ones manage to share things.. the radio would end up on a station. I spoke to him many times, directly, as if he were right there. It's a bit sad when it starts not happening as much as you would want it to. I'm naturally gifted at spiritual types of communication despite being an atheist. With my father, it makes sense as we were so close. But even still, most people can't communicate with him like I can. I spoke to a friend of his last night who said my dad came to him and asked him how "work on Leslie is going". My dad's friend said "I can't reach her now John." And my dad replied "try harder". 
Ever since my father's passing I've shut myself away, hidden my pain and avoided most people because the grief is too unbearable. 

hey dolly ,I wrote a well thought out response which seems to have disappeared. I'm sorry for that 

leslie... thanks for sharing... sometimes I write out posts and forget to push 'add comment' and leave the page and then later I see my post never made it on...

Leslie, I am sorry for the loss of your dear father. I read your post about the ADC with your dad. It would seem like you must be clairvoyant, and these are gifts for some reason, that some people seem to have. (especially those who have been near death themselves seem to come back with this ability). 

I too had many instances of odd things that happened.

Very real dreams, like I was actually somewhere else...it felt like that very much the first year or so after my beloved son passed. 

I send you gentle thoughts this evening, grief can be hard.

i fond a a fethr on bac door sptep few wks ago i did so i kpt it thn few mor seam 2 lnd near me say berds sia ngls coz thy hav angl wings wen thy open thm thy do

I can only wish that I could have an ADC. It's been a year and a half for me. Just some sign that my mom was still aware of me and that she was still in my corner. I'm selfish that way. I know that she is fine now. No more cancer. No more COPD. I can envision her in heaven being, healthy, young and better than ever.

It's hard to feel secure about an after death communication. After my moms funeral I asked my minster if mom was still aware of me. He told me that the soul will always remember but that she is in the presence of God now and that is all that matters to her. Well, all of that is glorious, but it didn't make me feel any better about my own grief. I was my moms caretaker. How does one go from 24-7 with my mom to absolute zero.

I lost my mom on Christmas Eve. I woke up Christmas morning remembering all of the joyous Christmas mornings with mom. There was nothing joyous about this one.

There are many people who will tell you that an ADC is from the dark side. There are many who will tell you that it is wrong to try to communicate with the deceased, that you may get someone, but it won't be your loved one.

There are also those who say that my mom can't see me grieve because there are no tears in heaven. I don't want my mom to be sad for me. If anything, I think that because she is in heaven, she knows that everything will be okay. She knows that I am still here and that I cannot realize what is on the other side. Maybe she knows that all will be well one day and there is no reason for her to cry for me.

All I know is that I love my mom and that I really miss her. Just feeling her presence once would be a dream come true. If I knew that she still loves me, and if I knew that she was still a mom to me, it would help so much.

When we were little we could run to our moms when we were hurt. She would hug us and make everything better. That is the kicker about death. I can't run to mom anymore. I can't call her on the phone. I can't watch television with her anymore. No more Sunday dinners. But, man... I hope she still is with me. That she hugs me when I cry for her, even if I can't feel it. 

Dear Brett... I have had so many of the same feelings and have been told much the same about ADCs.. that they are dangerous and not real and such... but in my case I got signs without asking... with my son.. many... but only one with my mom.. it was just a brief wisp of the aroma of roses that came and went.. she loved roses... its a long story but it happened in such a way that it had no explanation... I didn't seek it, but I wanted it... and I guess God knew it and provided it... I don't know how they work but the ADC's I have had are so real and inexplicable and unasked for that I think they have to be real... I don't know why they seem to have stopped pretty much now after 4 years since my son died, but they have I think... strangely now the only thing that keeps happening is a brief aroma of pipe smoke that comes and goes... always in the basement... never asked for or sought... and always brief but strong... dad?.. I don't know what these are just that they are real... they don't scare me or anything... rather they make me feel as if there is some attempt by someone... a loved one or God.. it doesn't matter who.. to reach out to me for some reason ... so don't give up hope... I often ask God to tell my son how much I love him and miss him and one heartless online preacher insisted I was praying to the dead by doing this and kicked me out of the online church because of it... I never prayed to my son... sometimes I would say 'I miss you so much baby' and things like that but never prayed to him.. people can be so cruel ... and this man was supposedly a man of God... but God isn't cruel and I believe He wants us to know our loved ones are safe and well and that we WILL be together again one day... I don't have any PROOF that this is true except all the wonders of God that I HAVE seen come to pass and those are what give me hope and faith that life after death was always part of His plan and we WILL see this eventually... come here to this site and let us talk to you... we aren't your mother but we have mother's hearts... and we too have broken hearts for loved ones who have gone to be with God... its not nearly the same but its something... we share a bond of loss... 

Dolly, you do have a mother's heart and that means a lot to me. Sometimes I will see a mother and child together and I will just start to cry. There is nothing in this world so dear to me as a mother.

About that on-line preacher... good golly. I wish that people would just let God decide the rules that we play by. God knows what is in our hearts. I ask God every night to tell my mother that I love and miss her. Sometimes while I am in prayer with God I will start talking to my mother as well. That is not because I think she is any kind of God. It's because that she is with God in heaven now. Maybe they are aware of us still. Whenever I cry and start talking out loud to my mom, I always include God in my words. God is love. My mom is a part of him. I just have to believe that there is a connection between the three of us when we are joined in love like that. Isn't love what God is all about.

I can get pretty fired up  talking to some folks about this. One friend told me that I should not talk to my mom because she is likely in purgatory. That did not sit too well with me. Right before my mom died she sat up in bed and was staring at the ceiling. She reached over her head for a minute and then died. It was Christmas Eve. It felt like Jesus had just come right into my house on Christmas Eve. That memory hits me harder now than it did then. At the time I was just consumed with my mother's death. She died with her eyes open, looking at me. And that is a hard memory. Her eyes were lifeless and I will never forget that. She was gone.

I am so sorry that you lost your son. I don't mean to pry. I would just like to know more about your experiences. How you can know that they were undeniable and real. Experiencing that would give me so much peace. I am sure that they were a great comfort to you.

I don't know much about the afterlife. I do think that we are likely to keep our personalities. If I had passed before my mom, I think that, if I could, I would want to some how let her know that I was okay. My mom never went in for those kind of things. To her, you died, went to heaven, and didn't look back. That's what she believed anyway. That was my mom. She didn't need or want her mother to reach out to her from beyond. She was just happy knowing that she was in heaven with my grandpa.

I need to know that mom is still aware of me. That she knows how much I love and miss her. That she is still in my corner. I have been told that kind of thinking proves a lack of faith on my part. I have been told a lot of things. I only know what I feel.

God Bless you, Dolly. I wish you love and peace. And I thank you for being a mom.

Thanks, Dolly. You said something very telling in there. The pain is yours to bear. It's not your moms. I am glad that my mom is not suffering anymore. She suffered enough. She is whole and she is happy somewhere with God. That is something to hold on to.

But Lord do I miss her. She's all that I had. And she was enough. Where on earth do I go now? I just don't know.

all

i seam 2 fnd in brd fethrs i doon my door stp orin my bac yrd or ft i do r it lnad on me

sorry abot typo ers i am just los fealin in my hnd bt i am

Brett.. I went to my music.. which was so much a part of my son's life and because it had meant so much to him it had become important to me.. he was totally physically disabled and could only really move his head and left arm on his own.. he totally loved GOOD music of any genre except opera and sad sounding classical music and when he especially loved a song he would shake that left arm and chortle and smile and his whole body would seem to just about burst out of itself trying to 'dance'... when that happened we would buy the tune on iTunes and learn to play it along with the recording... my husband on his electronic horn and me on my Q chord [which I had bought for my kids but which they refused to play so I started playing it].. so after he died we fell into long sessions of music and many things happened around the music to make me feel closer to him... and also we still had his brother Bo at home and that of course helped immensely to keep us focused.. he too is severely physically disabled.. we adopted both boys as infants/toddlers... we couldn't have any the 'natural' way and I had always worked with and loved kids with disabilities and when we went to adopt they said we were too old and too poor to qualify for any children except older kids, or younger kids with disabilities and/or of minority races... so we looked for younger kids with BOTH qualifiers and adopted first a Mexican American baby and then an African American toddler.. both with severe CP... we took them into our very remote mountain home where we had few amenities but lots of peace and purity... later we moved them into town when it became obvious that our youngest needed to be closer to medical facilities and to make it easier for them to attend school and be a part of the goings on of the world.... looking back I wish we had stayed on the mountain because the world isn't a good place for kids like mine... so if its in any way possible for you to find some way to interact with the disabled or the elderly.. like in a nursing home maybe... I would highly recommend your at least thinking about it... it will never be your mom... but it could make such a world of difference to some lonely soul to have someone like you with such a caring heart to be a part of their lives if only for a short time each week... there are SO many children with disabilities that desperately need families... the world is getting more and more cruel to them as it is to the elderly... it won't be long before they are openly killing them off and convincing the rest of us they are doing us all a favor.... including those they are killing... its insanity.. but it's the way of the world... I don't know where you live, but most areas now have Senior Centers where they serve dinners and have activities for the local elderly population.. after several years we started to go to them and play music on one or two mornings a week... right through the meal... along with some other musicians... we aren't all that welcome by the other musicians because they don't think we are 'real' musicians but the elderly people like to hear us because we always try to play what they want to hear instead of just showing off our 'expertise' like some of the others do... we would love to play at a nursing home or even at a prison but so far have been too shy to do either.... we also have an adopted daughter... now estranged due to her totally lawless lifestyle... who was born to a woman who was at the time in a local federal womens' prison so there is a place we might be able to go.. and there is a nursing home just down the road... I am trying to get myself inspired enough to pursue this but so far have not been able to do it.. I am too old to adopt or foster children anymore or I would do that too... here is the url to the adoption site where we found our son Brandon .. the one we lost in 2013... they are an exceptional agency and just a wonderful bunch of people... they recently spoke to me about the problem they are now having with teenagers who are aging out of the system but have no where to go.. I am an absolute failure with teenagers... we have tried but they always just run all over us and run wild... but some people are amazing with troubled teens... myself if I was still young would go for the severely disabled kids in wheelchairs because both our boys were/are just amazingly wonderful people... a REALLY tough job taking care of them... medically fragile and with all the physical side of it... but so worth it... so loving and inspirational... and if all that is just impossible to contemplate there are special ed classes that I bet would LOVE to have volunteers to help... I started out working with adult women with severe disabilities in an institution and it changed my life totally.. I was working my way through college and had neveer had any exposure to people with disabilities and here was a whole two hugh rooms full of them and I was the only one that had the time to do anything with them at all... the help was so meager... I never was the same and all my life I have worked with the disabled in one capacity or another and it is so dear to my heart... so I would encourage you to at least think about getting involved with the elderly or the disabled in some way... they are so dear to God... anyway enough of my yaKking...I'm posting the picture of my son Brandon that won my heart over... and  here is the URL to the agency where we found him:  http://www.capbook.org/

JO Its so amazing that the feathers are still falling around you after all this time... we have not had many 'events' lately.... mostly just that wonderful aroma of lilies from time to time... I don't know why all the things stopped happening ... at first there were so many... and so amazing and impossible to ignore.. but not any more... I'm glad that you are still seeing dad's feathers.... I hope you are having some peace now.. we do have some peace now but NEVER stop the missing.. it still comes on like a train wreck out of the blue so often.. but we seem to be able to get through those times and still find some peace on the other side... at first I didn't think I would ever really smile at anything again... and there is still deep sadness in every smile... but I know our separation isn't forever and every day is one day closer to when we will be together again with all those sweet loved ones we have lost... love you JO..

BRETT .. I just remembered I wanted to tell you something else... I told you the story about the lights that went on in our mountain house TWICE... the thing I forgot to tell you was that they weren't just ANY lights.. it was a little STAR light that was over top of a MANGER scene we always leave up all year round !! How cool is THAT?  and the house where its found is WAY back up the mountain .. the road is almost impassible.. the only power is from solar panels.. nobody could have gotten into the house to turn on the lights.. and we KNOW they were off... they were battery powered but after the second mysterious lighting they never would work again... just wanted to tell you that.. of course there's always the chance that the lightings were some fluke to do with the batteries but I don't think it was a fluke.. especially considering what the light WAS, and the fact that I had asked God to repeat the lighting if it was from Him or my son... and it was the VERY NEXT TIME we went there.. we only went once a week then.. nobody was there the rest of the time... I'm posting a picture of the lights after the second lighting..

here's the house where the lights went on twice...

Here is Brandon playing music with us... I added the little pictures but he is actually stroking the keys of his little keyboard...

thnx dolly bean a bad few mnts u cud say bean a real y bad few i thng my dad othr lovd 1s drop thn  let thm no thy stil arnd now thn thy r