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Comment by Sophia on April 6, 2013 at 10:25am

I am a changed person since my oldest child died but the world & the people in it are the same. I see things differently than 'before', others do not. For people I know who know of my loss I wonder "what is wrong with them"!? I cannot/will not make the mistake of ever forgetting how short life is nor will I pretend that things which are not alright are! For people who do not know of my loss I too ask myself "what is wrong with them"? This thing called life is so taken for granted & mis-used. But alas I am guilty of this as well. People are such fools, myself included! On the other hand we (I) have done my 'best' with what I've had (emotionally & economically, etc). It's a shame our lives center so much around $$$, so cliche but it is the root of all evil. I'm just rambling on...typing my stream of consciousness. Grateful for this site & wishing all of you the best possible.

Comment by linda hernandez on April 5, 2013 at 8:16pm

revived my son's autopsy report today no pic thank god.such big words for what is cancer but to the extent of it i did not know it went from his chest(lungs) to his spline i guess you could say he never had a chance but it helped me under stand hat happen to my son don't get me wrong i cried and help those papers as if it was him himself but did help so thank you to those who told me to pursue this issue another something to have of him  

Comment by Grace on April 5, 2013 at 8:11pm

Berma... I also feel like my marriage is a room mate situation... and I just don't think he cares one way or another....  Our 25 th anniversary is May 28.... our son died on May 27 2009. 

My husband was in charge of him while I went to the store and left him unattended and he drank so much water that his sodium level dropped and caused the siezure that sent him to the hospital that gave him the drug he was allergic to that caused his ultimate death.

Now with his selfish careless financial actions he only continues to betray my faith and trust.   and he remains silent... there is just no fight left for this marriage it seems .....

Comment by Bern on April 5, 2013 at 8:00pm

Grace, you are not along. It has been 6 months now that my only son was shot. I know the girl that he was with is covering up why my son was shot. She told us at the hospital that they were playing Russian roulette. I know she knows more and will tell us. He had not reason to play with a Gun in that manner.

My husband and I have grown apart. I find no desire to be close with him now. He refuses to talk and I will not be a warm tool for him to use at night. I want to cry and I know it breaks him down to see me sad, but I cant help it. I am just looking and waiting on someone to tell me how to act but no one will or can. I have a battle fighting for my job and I have double troubles. My husband has run up bills too on top of all what we have to fight. I don't feel the same even though we been together for over 20 years....I lost my husband and son at the same time....but my husband is now a room mate.

Comment by Karen R. on April 5, 2013 at 1:05pm

Paddy, thanks for sharing, I will check it out.

Comment by Michele Hayes on April 5, 2013 at 12:21pm

Grace- are you getting any kind of help-ie counseling or going to a support group? Have you tried marriage counseling? We went to a support group called Compassionate Friends and it helped us a lot. They have chapters all over the US. You can look up their website. It just helps to talk about things with people who understand. I think all of us on here agree that you are right in not getting an abortion. I'm sorry people have to say such hurtful things. hang in there(:

Comment by Dennis C. on April 5, 2013 at 11:27am

Linda Hernandez

As parents it is normal to be concerned about our children. No matter how old they get, we are still their parent. And always will be.

Of course, as adults they are no longer obligated to obey us. And if we keep that in mind then when we offer our opinions or views then it won't sound like a command.

Just some things to think about.

Comment by Grace on April 5, 2013 at 11:03am

well folks I am having a really bad days.....and I find that I feel alone in all of my feelings....  this has seemed to be the only place I can vent....

My son will be dead for 4 years in May.... his birthday will be mid April... he would be turning 18.

My family is a shambles.  I seriously think my marriage has failed... we have had sex only 1 time in more than the 4 years since my son has died... did not have much before... but now for these last years I feel emotionally empty.... and it is my husband who is not in the "Mood"... ever.   I feel like I have had nothing to lean on or to comfort me...  He has lied straight faced about finances.... ran up debt and has only confessed because he knew he was about to be caught....

 

My family (Mother and Brother) have told me I should have had an abortion instead of having my dead son who lived 14 years with Autism....

 

I feel like I have NO ONE I can turn to or trust anymore.  I feel so betrayed by the people I feel I should have been able to count on the most. 

It seems like since I found this site... it has helped give me a place where I can talk anonomously with maybe people who might feel this pain.

Because of the lies... I feel so betrayed by my family... I do not feel "Safe" to trust anyone with my feelings.

Thanks for giving me a place to vent...

wondering if I should divorce and feel my whole life has unraveled.

Comment by Paddy Estridge on April 3, 2013 at 1:57am

Hi Everyone,

I wanted to share a personal project with you in the hope that it might help you in some way.

A close friend of mine was suddenly killed in early 2012, and in the aftermath, it occurred to me that there are limited online places to commemorate someone with your family and friends - so I built www.memorypins.org as a place to remember Rachael and for others to remember loved ones that they have lost.

The site allows you to set up a board in remembrance of someone, that anyone can post to , and also allows people to choose a charity close to their loved one’s heart that everyone can donate to.

I hope it helps in some small way to bring your memories of your loved ones together.

If you have any thoughts or questions I would be happy to answer them on this forum or my email: paddy@memorypins.org.

Best wishes,

Paddy

Comment by linda hernandez on April 2, 2013 at 6:21am

yesterday was unbelievable i have two remaining kids in my life age 38 and 37 and i see destruction coming there way but as i remind them of what i have lost already it seems to be a joke,the lost of there brother was enough and took its toll on me and i see them destroying there own life,but they act as though i have no idea when in fact they don't. they act like they are untouchable but if i say anything i am in the wrong i get were grown yes they be but a parent worries and in my kids case they don't care.am i to over proactive due to the lost of my first born do i step back,and watch i need help.if i say any more to them they push me away,

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