Rebekah,

I am sorry to always see the blue gray boxes in the column because I know there are now more people who have had a great loss and have come to this website to find answers for their grief.  I am sorry to hear your loss was sudden and traumatic.  Nothing about death of our loved one is ever easy but when there is not warning I think it is very difficult.  Alot of what we end up thinking afterwards is all the things we supposedly left unsaid.

 Don't go there.  Even with warning there is never enough time and we'll never say all the things we wanted to.  It's just the nature of a loving relationship.  We always wanted more.  More love, more touch, more time.  

I am not saying you get used to losing the love of your life but after 35 years of marriage and only 27 days between the time my husband was diagnosed with Stage 4 to his death I realize there never would have been enough time with him.  I am now almost three years along in this grief journey and courtesy of the pain I have learned more things in that amount of time than in the rest of my 61 years.  What I learned is there are two separate universes here on earth for those who love deeply.  I have now been catapulted into the secondary universe.  I participate in the old one but I live in the newer one. There is no going back and I can't honestly say I am going forward as what you will find out is it becomes a lot more difficult to participate but the energy slowly comes to you as do the techniques to pull a mask on and find a way around the loss out in the public.    

The best thing I think most of us have found is that we are able to have a site like this to share our pain.  No one judges and we find our support here.  I don't really feel that I ever want to welcome someone as no one wants to have to even have to be here in the first place but I will say we are here for you and will help in any way we can if you need feedback or just want to vent.  

Just try to go slow and take little steps.  And yes, you will cry.  You will cry like you never have cried before but better out than in.  The mind and body have no other release for the anguish so cry.  It will help.  It will hurt too but it is about the only thing I can say is an absolute necessity.  At this point in my journey I can go a couple days without a major breakdown and that alone is a major accomplishment.  

Stay here for as long as you need to.  We are all here for each other.  Take care and read and write when you need to.

morgan