Emma
  • Female
  • North Yorkshire
  • United Kingdom
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About Me:
I am 41 from the UK. I lived in Canada in 2013-2014 but moved back to the UK after my sweetheart passed away. I am currently a Tour Manager, leading escorted coach tours around the UK and Europe and hope to do this in Canada and the USA someday.
About my Loss:
My Canadian Sweetheart Brian died on 12 March 2014. He was an alcoholic albeit one in denial. He knew he had a problem but did not know how to handle it. We met initially in 2006 and only really got together in June 2012. We were long distance for a year before I moved to Canada. I guess inside I knew he had a drinking problem but because of us being long distance I never realised how bad it really was. Just before I moved over his friend told me he was in hospital. It turns out he had alcoholic related hepatitis. He recovered but not completely, he had changed and become so closed off from everyone, he had never been overly affectionate but after this he did not let anyone get close. He was more selfish and rude. I still saw the man I fell in love with though deep inside. A few months after I moved to Canada I stupidly told him I loved him and asked him where I stood and he could not handle this, he said he had too much on his plate and pushed me out of his life. I was devastated, it destroyed me it hurt so very.much and I don't think he cared. I kept trying to stay in touch but he cut me off completely. I never spoke to him again despite sending him texts and emails he never responded. He died six months later in March 2014 he was yellow and unconscious. He never recovered. I will never know if he cared about me or what he felt. His friend told me after Brian died that he had loved having me in his life but he just could not show it, that a man did not show affection but I will never know for sure. I feel guilty I pushed him over the edge, by telling him I loved him. He never really knew how much he meant to me how worthwhile and amazing I thought he was, I should have kept trying to help him to save him. I keep thinking I could have done something anything. I loved him so very much and miss him everyday. I moved back to the UK and don't have anybody to talk with about him, not anyone who knew him....I cry almost every day lately....I just wish he knew how much I love him and always will.

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Filling Machine updated their profile
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dream moon JO B posted a blog post

Not looking forward to Christmas

It's been a long time since I've posted a Blog on here but I am not looking forward to Christmas I am notBecause the people should be here it's no longer hereSee More
Dec 2
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Speed Weasel commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"GriefShare is a church based support group. They do have meetings online, but the usual format is a group of people experiencing a loss getting together weekly to watch videos (13 weeks total) about grief and loss. After the video, we talk about the…"
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Natasha commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"is griefshare a website like this?"
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