Emma
  • Female
  • North Yorkshire
  • United Kingdom
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About Me:
I am 41 from the UK. I lived in Canada in 2013-2014 but moved back to the UK after my sweetheart passed away. I am currently a Tour Manager, leading escorted coach tours around the UK and Europe and hope to do this in Canada and the USA someday.
About my Loss:
My Canadian Sweetheart Brian died on 12 March 2014. He was an alcoholic albeit one in denial. He knew he had a problem but did not know how to handle it. We met initially in 2006 and only really got together in June 2012. We were long distance for a year before I moved to Canada. I guess inside I knew he had a drinking problem but because of us being long distance I never realised how bad it really was. Just before I moved over his friend told me he was in hospital. It turns out he had alcoholic related hepatitis. He recovered but not completely, he had changed and become so closed off from everyone, he had never been overly affectionate but after this he did not let anyone get close. He was more selfish and rude. I still saw the man I fell in love with though deep inside. A few months after I moved to Canada I stupidly told him I loved him and asked him where I stood and he could not handle this, he said he had too much on his plate and pushed me out of his life. I was devastated, it destroyed me it hurt so very.much and I don't think he cared. I kept trying to stay in touch but he cut me off completely. I never spoke to him again despite sending him texts and emails he never responded. He died six months later in March 2014 he was yellow and unconscious. He never recovered. I will never know if he cared about me or what he felt. His friend told me after Brian died that he had loved having me in his life but he just could not show it, that a man did not show affection but I will never know for sure. I feel guilty I pushed him over the edge, by telling him I loved him. He never really knew how much he meant to me how worthwhile and amazing I thought he was, I should have kept trying to help him to save him. I keep thinking I could have done something anything. I loved him so very much and miss him everyday. I moved back to the UK and don't have anybody to talk with about him, not anyone who knew him....I cry almost every day lately....I just wish he knew how much I love him and always will.

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Latest Activity

Speed Weasel commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"GriefShare is a church based support group. They do have meetings online, but the usual format is a group of people experiencing a loss getting together weekly to watch videos (13 weeks total) about grief and loss. After the video, we talk about the…"
Oct 21
Natasha commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"is griefshare a website like this?"
Oct 21
dream moon JO B updated their profile
Oct 16
Morgan Sangrouber is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Oct 10
Welcome Them!
Addie replied to Kali's discussion It was not supposed to be like this in the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
"Kali I’m so so sorry you are going through this. Grief is hard enough, but going through it secretly, all the while having to continue showing up for your kids, is just brutal. Perhaps your friend was careful to hide your conversations behind…"
Sep 26
Kali added a discussion to the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
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It was not supposed to be like this

In 2014 I met the most amazing man ever. We were both in our very early 20s and were looking for different things at the time. We ceased communication for roughly 6 months. During which time, he completed basic training and joined the Air Force. By the time we reconnected he was already at his first duty station.. 8 hours away.We decided we wanted to continue our relationship and proceeded to cultivate a deeply emotional connection. Regular calls and video chats, visits while he was home on…See More
Sep 26
1 Comment
Kali joined Cathy Richardson's group
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Being the Other Woman/Other Man

This is for anyone who has lost their lover to death and you were the other woman/other man in their life. We have to grieve in silence. I can't find any support groups and feel like I'm the only one going through this situationSee More
Sep 25
39 Comments
Profile IconKali and Bridget Baker joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Sep 25

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