Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by donna on January 15, 2012 at 12:07pm

I have not been on this website for quite awhile or I would have responded sooner. I still have horrible flashbacks. My brother was murdered almost 4 years ago trying to break up a fight. I needed to know, (but later regreted finding out) as many details as possible. I know how he fought for his life with no help from the man who he was helping and I know he ran for his life even though he was already stabbed and I know there were 3 or 4 men doing this to him, and I know there were MANY witnesses and NOBODY helped him or saw enough to help solve his murder.  It is TOO MUCH!!! I have had such bad insomnia from these flashbacks that it has started to ruin my life. I am obsessed with this case and I can not give up. Since my brothers murder my mom has passed away and my dad has had to go to an asissted living home. They were both so devastated their health took an awful toll on both of them. I have gone to Dr.s, counselors, physciatrist, physcologist......it all cost a fortune and nothing helps. I can not afford to try to get better anymore.

 I hope that your flashbacks subside. It is part of the devastation that comes with someone you love getting murdered. That is why greif for someone who is murdered is so much more complicated than a natural death...or even a car accident , etc. The images are horrific!!! I thought if I pulled myself away from all sad things it might help me, that is why I pulled away from this group that I started. When I started this group it was to help myself and others who can all relate to eachother. I now realize this seems to be the only place I can go to really let my feelings show.

Permalink Reply by Lisa S. on February 6, 2012 at 12:39am

yes,it's so hard.my fiance was murdered last november.he was found beaten and tied up,dumped in the river.I imagine the fear/terror he must have felt.he was so kind and was always helping the homeless.they even took his shoes(the only nice thing he ever bought 4 himself.)i still dont know how to deal with the imagery.its so haunting.i just try to block it out.but that doesnt always work.my sister was also murdered 3 years ago.what can we do?how can we go on?I'm so sorry about your husband.~hugs~

Permalink Reply by donna on February 7, 2012 at 9:53pm

Lisa, I can not even imagine losing two people I love to murder. Did they catch the people resposible for either of the murders?  I am sorry for your loss.

Permalink Reply by Elizabeth Ann Collins on June 26, 2012 at 12:02pm

Deborah, my husband was murdered right in front of me too 7 months ago and I have flashbacks as well.  I keep seeing his falling and holding my hand and taking his last breath.  I can be doing anything and bam it happens.  I try to shake it off but it leaves me upset and it is like taking a step back.  Doctors have told me because it was such a violent act I am suffering from PTSD and all they cansay is eventually you will have less and less of them.  My husband's killer has not beencaught yet and I live with that too.  I miss my husband terribly and when I am home by myself it is really hard.  People say you have your memories but thinking back makes me miss him more and we were only married 3 years.  I guess there is no "magic" pill for our situation because the flashbacks are in our minds and we can't turn them off.  My sister-in-law says when she has them she immediately gets up and tries to find something to do to take her mind off of it but that does not work for me, it might work for you.

Permalink Reply by Stanley Ruiz on May 27, 2013 at 11:15am

MY SOUL MATE WAS MURDERED  AND I WAS SHOT AND ALMOST DIED IT WAS OCTOBER OF 2012 but this WAS HIS BIRTHDAY AND I CRIED MY HEART OUT.I WAS DOING WELL A THERAPIST BUT EVERY NOW AND THEN FLASH BACKS .YOU ARE NOT ALONE,IT CAN HAPPEN IN A SUPERMARKET OR IN THE DENTAL OFFICE OR WALKING DOWN THE STREET.I START PRAYING AND ASK GOD TO MAKE ME STRONGER AND I ASK ME TO MAKE ME FEEL PEACE AND CALM A,I KEEP TALKING TO OUR CREATOR AND THEN I FEEL BETTER.STANLEY

Permalink Reply by Bern on June 2, 2013 at 1:07pm

I wake up crying. I wake up yelling my son name. I can not prove who shot my son. No one will listen. I wait for a phone call from the police or DA like a parent sitting in the principal office waiting for suspension papers. He was not angel in school but he was my child. We supported him and got on to him when he did something wrong at school.

Is this how it feels to loss your mind?

I don't want to say I held up for a year and loss my mind, but I can't help but to cry everyday. I have to stop myself sometimes causes it starts to hurt my body, inner heart starts to beat like crazy. Everyone said that is anxiety. I don't take any meds for it. I took meds before and they make me worst. So I deal with it until I can breath on my on.

I am 50 years old and hurt for life.

So Stanley Ruiz, our love ones is just another CASE/File/REPORT/JOB to the police and DA Attorneys. They have a box of tissue waiting for people like us.

Permalink Reply by Stanley Ruiz on June 2, 2013 at 1:52pm

I LOST MY SOUL MATE DURING A HOME  INVASION IN OCTOBER 1 2012.I sSTILL CRY.I THINK PRAYER IS THE ONLY SOLUTION .STANLEY

Permalink Reply by Shirley Holt on June 13, 2013 at 12:21pm

I try to think about where my sister is now and not how she died. A few weeks after she died a friend gave me the book "Proof of Heaven", by Dr. Eben Alexander. The author is a neurologist who has spent his life looking at how consciousness works in the brain. He had a disease that made his brain stop working for a week, but he was still conscious. His consciousness went to a place he calls heaven. It doesn't look like heaven the way I was taught in Sunday School.

I know that my sister died a violent death, but I also believe her pain stopped when she died and that the best part of her still exists. I still miss her terribly, but I don't think about how she died as much as I did.

Permalink Reply by Stanley Ruiz on June 16, 2013 at 8:43pm

I LOST MY PARTNER OCTOBER 2012 BUT I AM CRYING TOG >PRAYER TO OUR CREATOR IS THE ONLY SOLUTION.I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL .SOMETIMES I WANT TO DIE  .STANLEY

Permalink Reply by Kate Toivonen on January 14, 2016 at 3:43pm

Hi Deborah

this was posted awhile back, but as I was reading your post, I felt quite connected because I often have flashbacks about finding my mother's body, reading her autopsy report, hearing testimony in court. My father killed her 7 years ago now, and he was just granted a retrial. I find myself with these flashbacks more often than not now, and I am wondering if you ever found how to deal?

Permalink Reply by annjulie on February 13, 2017 at 9:34pm

hey Deborah, I have experienced something similiar to what you are describing. My mother commit suicide and my boyfriend was tasered to death by the police. I wasn't there for either incident, but I imagine what It would of looked like over and over again in my head. It is very disturbing to know our loved ones died in such a tragic way. I haven't learned how to deal with this yet but I just tell myself, stop thinking of that and I just say stop stop stop. I try to think of something nice to distract myself. I tell myself it doesn't matter how they went it was quick. I just tell myself anything nicer even if its a lie. Not sure if this helps.. I know a technique for anxiety and its is to count in random number in your head, for example "4826295267". It does work in case you feel you are having a panic attack at night. You are not alone, sorry for your loss.

Permalink Reply by Stanley Ruiz on February 14, 2017 at 3:06pm

 I AM A GAY MAN AND I LIVED WITH A GUY SINCE COLLEGE DAYS AND WE BUILT A RETIREMENT HOMR IN THE DOMINICAN REPUBLIC AND HOME  INVADERS CAME ON OCTONER 2 2012 AND SHOT ME THREE TIMES AND ONE GUY SHOT MY PARTNER TWICE IN HIS HEART AND HE DIED NEXT TO ME.I HAVE MANY FLASK BACKS TO THAT NIGHT BUT THEN I ALWAYS PRAY AND THE PRAYERS MAKE ME FEEL BETTER BUT THE MEMORIES RETURN TIME TO TIME