Not sure how to feel.

When I was younger, I had a friend named Corey. He was a really good friend of mine, and once I moved out of the town we lived in, I lost contact with him for a long time. About 4 or 5 months ago, I got back in touch with him through my friend Brooke, who happened to have met him and began dating him. They came and stayed at my house almost every weekend for 2 months. And then the unthinkable happened. Brooke called me and told me that he had been shot. I thought maybe he was going to be okay. Then I heard the whole story. He was out with a friend and his daughter's mom, celebrating his birthday, and his daughter's mom's dad (kinda confusing, I know) shot him once in the shoulder, and once behind the ear. I found out he was hospitalized about 5 minutes from my house, so I immediately left and headed for the hospital. I got there and saw this guy, who was a very good friend, bandaged up, and hooked to a million different machines. I talked to another friend who was there and who had talked to a doctor, and learned that he had been brain dead since he was shot. The machines that were keeping him alive were only there because he was an organ donor, and they weren't going to harvest his organs until the following day. I still don't know how to feel, because it's hard to remember how he was before. Every time I think about him, I see him in that hospital bed. I tried telling myself that he couldn't be gone. That he was just gonna wake up and everything was going to be okay. But now I realize that the person in that bed wasn't my friend. He was already gone. I feel like I should have had more time with him. We had just gotten back in touch, and I feel terrible because we lost contact for so long, and then he was gone. Is anyone else in a similar situation, or been in a similar one? I would love to know how you made sense of it all, because I can't seem to. I try to make myself believe that it's not real.

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Permalink Reply by Amanda Ab on January 14, 2012 at 3:24pm

Hi Shannon,

Sorry for the loss of your friend in such a tragic way. We all cannot seem to make sense of things like this or wrap the idea around our minds, that our loved ones were really gone and taken away by someone else's choice to end their lives. My husband was also shot and killed last April. He died instantly. And when paramedics got there, it was too late. So, for me & my family the last memory I have is when he walked out of our home to go get dinner. And that was the last time I seen him alive.

Although, you did not spend much time with him like you would have wanted, but the very short time you did should be in your mind. But I can only imagine that the memory of seeing him on the hospital takes over any other memory you had of him. I am sorry that I am not much of help here but I cant understand or accept someone else's stupid and coward decision to end the life of another. No one has the right to do that.

Take Care,

Amanda

Permalink Reply by Shannon Finley on January 14, 2012 at 3:44pm

Amanda,

I am very sorry to hear about your husband, you and your family are in my thoughts. Also, you actually did help me. You let me know that I'm not the only one who can't seem to make sense of this. It always helps to know that you're not alone. So thank you. It seems like more people than I've realized either are or have been in the same situation as I am, and it's somewhat comforting to know that there are others who feel as I do, and who are trying to cope in the same way that I am. I think whenever I think about him and the hospital flashes in my mind, I will just try to block it out, and remember the last time we hung out, which was about a week before and we were all hanging out and drinking and having a great time at my house for his birthday... Maybe the good memories will one day overpower the bad ones. I hope you and your family find some sort of peace, and I hope justice is done for your husband.

All my best,

Shannon

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