Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Stella on January 7, 2012 at 4:37pm

My father was also 70 and died on September 15th, 2011.  He died in his sleep with no warning whatsoever.  I just talked to him a few days before.  Because he had been in bed for almost 2 days before he was found, we were not even able to see him.  He was extra special to me in particular, of all my siblings.  I know it doesn't seem real, I even find myself going to call him on the days I would normally call.  Some days I am ok (ok=numb) and other days I am inconsolable.  There are also people who can't understand why I would still be grieving after 3 months.  It makes me want to kick them in the head.  Nothing is normal anymore, and I feel like I have an elephant sitting on my chest half the time. I quit my job and each day flies by in time warp speed.  My teenage daughters keep me functional and loved, and that seems to be the only reason I get up in the morning most days.  I feel alone, even though I am not, and I feel afraid all the time, i.e. unsafe.  I am 40 years old and feel like I'm 5.  I am really sorry that your father died and wish I didn't know how you feel, but I do.  

Permalink Reply by Linda on January 7, 2012 at 7:46pm

Hi Stella

 

I am so sorry for your loss.  Sounds like we had unfortunate similar experiences.  I know what  you mean about people not understanding why after only a couple months, we still are upset.  I feel that these people don't understand until it happens to them.  I have to say I am having better days finally.  I am looking at pictures and smiling rather than crying.  Stella good luck to you and I am here to talk if you need.

 

Linda

Permalink Reply by Amanda Ab on January 7, 2012 at 10:55pm

Hi Linda, Sorry about the loss of your Dad. I unfortunately have suffered sudden looses twice within 1 year. First, I too suffered suddenly the loss of my Dad. He died March 10, 2010 at the age of 63. He died in his sleep of a sudden heart attack and did not find him until next morning. I had been calling and calling and no answer from him. Until, that day I receive a call from his cell phone and answered by saying "hi Dad". But it was not Dad calling, but police who had been called to the scene after his roomate had found him. At the time, I felt my heart ached in so much pain. And all of my sorroundings were silent, no traffic, no noise, just my own screaming and crying for my Daddy!!!. I still close my eyes and cannot seem to believe his sudden death. I had just seen him 3 days prior. We were so close. I was a Daddy's Girl!! I loved him so very much and was there for him, despite past wrong decisions he had done against my mother. I loved him and he was my Dad despite everything else. At that time, I felt I had not endured so much pain in my whole entire life, but I was wrong! there was still another painful and another broken piece of my heart to come...

On April 28, 2011, 1 year, 1 month after my Dad's passing, my husband of 6 years and known for 12+,  was murdered at the age of 29. In such a senseless way they took away his life and forever changed mine and most of all my son's, who was just 19 months old. He had just gone out to buy dinner. Hours later, I have detectives knocking my door to deliver the news. This could not be happening to me again!!!! Not again!!!. So suddenly again, no. Never got a chance to say goodbye.

After my husband's passing, my dady's passing has and continues to hurt a lot more, now that I feel most alone than ever. There are times, where I just so much wish, I can at least, at least, have one of them back here with me to give me support and watch over my son too. Sorry, but cant write anymore, tears are taking over me.

I just wanted to say, that I have suffered sudden looses and yes that day is just stuck with me all the time 24/7 and hurts so very much.

Thanks for Reading,

Amanda

Permalink Reply by Stella on January 8, 2012 at 10:42pm

Amanda I'm so sad for you.  I cannot imagine how hard it must be, but I am proud of you that you can share with us on here.  

Permalink Reply by christianlee on January 8, 2012 at 9:23am

Stella.....yes I replay the whole day in my mind over and over again. It wad the most unwelcoming day of my life and nothing can prepare you for it. I didn't get to say goodbye to my dad either. I wish I would have stopped by the day before he passed. You just never know. But I do know dad knew how much I loved him. He was a wonderful dad. And my heart still aches for his smile and laughter. Yes he never leaves my thoughts. I only hope he is still here with me and my boys. We still need his guidance.

Permalink Reply by christianlee on January 8, 2012 at 9:30am

I too.......am 39 and after most days dads passing has made me feel like a little girl again going out into this big wide world without dad. Its like you have to reidentify yourself and your own security.

Permalink Reply by Stella on January 8, 2012 at 10:08am

Ladies my heart goes out to all of you.  There is comfort in knowing that we loved each other so much that there would be nothing either of us could say today that we didn't already know and express.  Unfortunately my brother and I are not speaking because I had big issues with the way his wife treated my father.  Even just a few days before he died, I walked out on a conversation that was turning negatively against my father, and that was the last time I saw her.  She has not approached me, not even at his funeral, and not to this day.  I expressed my feelings to my brother and he says he won't pick sides (I never asked him to), and will not let me see my baby nephew, to whom I was practically a second mother.  So in turn I feel like I've lost my brother, too - and we were just as close as I was to my father.  Anyone who knows me at all knew how I felt about my dad and I found it to be horribly disrespectful.  Fortunately my sister and I feel along the same lines and she has been a godsend to me.  We talk about him a lot, and are even able to laugh at stories and photos in good memories.  I have come to accept his death and am so comforted by the fact he did not suffer in passing.  I know it would break his heart to know my brother and I are not speaking, but I truly believe he would understand.  He always told me, "nobody knows or loves you more than I."

Permalink Reply by christianlee on January 8, 2012 at 10:18am

:) so sorry to hear about your brother. I only have one sibling..a brother. But since since passing relationships have been strained. Seems some days were on two different pages. Grief affects us all in different ways. And know in time things will all get better. This too shall pass.

Permalink Reply by Stella on January 8, 2012 at 10:53am

Yes, I just said to my sister last night that we must be getting stronger, because nothing could be as bad as those first few weeks.  One thing at a time I guess?  Thank you for your words.

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