Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Jan Duvenage on December 23, 2011 at 11:27am

My deepest sympathies to you Ron. I know how you feel, for me this is my second Christmas without my wife. She passed away on the 19th of April 2010 and watching her condition worsen in the last ten days really hit hard. I too have lost my father and a sister and losing my wife was like nothing else. The pain, the grief and the realization that she is gone forever hit me hard and fast..i had no one to turn to and speak to, untill i found this group. It helps just pouring out your heart and your emotions, we have all been there and know what you are going through. As empty as it may sound you must know that your wife is at peace now with no more suffering and pain and the main thing is for you to carry on and look after yourself and try and find support at a support group near you if you find that you can't cope with these feelings. I had a panic attack 5 days after my wife's passing and thought i was having a heart attack but when i got to the hospital the doctors diagnosed that it was anxiety and panic that set in and prescribed me some tranqualizers which helped.

We are here for you.

 

Permalink Reply by Ron on December 23, 2011 at 12:37pm

Thank you Jan . My wife died Dec.16  and our aniversery is the 29th of Dec.The funeral was yesterday.It was very hard to get through.A few nights ago this house just got to empty for me so I went to the bar where my wife and i would go for friday fish. While there i talked to two men that i knew from going there.but never know that they to had lost their wives to cancer. One lost his wife 12 years ago and the other 5 years ago. I asked them if the hurt ever goes away. They both said no it stays with you always  but you try to do the best you can to cope with it. What they said made me more depressed so i went home took a couple of zannex went to sleep. Now i find myself missing the little things that she did that i took for granted. Even little notes she would leave for me if she was going somewhere and i was not there at the time. She would always sign them " Love Me"  How i miss my love.

Permalink Reply by michael sandoval on December 23, 2011 at 7:41pm

i agree.  its been two years for me and i still cry a lot.  especially at christmas.

Permalink Reply by Ron on December 23, 2011 at 8:36pm

It will not be much of a christmas for me this year. I used to go visit my moms grave on Christmas eve ,but now i have 2 graves to visit  .I know that i will break down.  I have been wondering if i should  postpone going this year.  I don't know what to do . I have been invited to friends and childrens  for christmas but i just don't want to go. I hear that how are you doing,  I'm sorry and shes in a better place now  it  makes me just feel worse.  I know they mean well,but it just does not help.

Permalink Reply by Jan Duvenage on December 24, 2011 at 12:03am

The first Christmas was the worst for me, i didn't want to share it with anyone. I couldn't stand seeing people happy and celebrating while my wife was gone. It wasn't fair and still isn't and there is periods of time when it gets beter but then something triggers a bad spell again like hearing a song or seeing a scene and then the heartache returns. It doesn't really get better  over time, rather we accept the inevatible and carry on with our lives as best we can carrying our memories with us wherever we go. I miss hearing my wife's voice, there wasn't one day when she was here that we didn't kiss each other in the morning and in the evening and telling each other "I love you" Now i get to say that to her in my prayers and it's just not the same. As much as i hate admitting it i took her for granted and even when she was diagnosed i didn;t truly want to believe that she was going to be taken from me, it was only on the morning when she passed  and as i looked at her and realized she was gone that i totally broke down.Today is going to be hard for you Ron, but just remember your wife is now watching over you and spiritually she is with you. Memories is all we have now and that is what keeps me going and remembering the good times we had.

 

Permalink Reply by mercy on December 24, 2011 at 10:08pm

I'm so sorry for your loss. The first few weeks are the worst. The pain of watching your loved one suffer is unbearable. Its been six months since mom died and I'm still in agonizing grief but its gotten a little bit easier than it was in the beginning. I guess I'm just trying to reassure you that even when everything in you just wants to give up, push yourself because it does get a little bit easier. For me I didn't even get a chance to mourn my brother before I had to deal with the loss of mom. Its very hard and we understand what you are going through. Big hugs to you and I wish you peace as you go through this very tough period.

Mercy.

Permalink Reply by Ron on December 25, 2011 at 6:35am

It is so empty in this house.. Christmas is here and i feel so lost.Could not sleep last night. I layed there and watched tv going randomly channel to channel.Then I think ,is it me feeling sorry for myself.I am getting to the point where i wish i could die just to get rid of the hurt inside me. I cry often. It is so  terrible without my wife. She was my life.Now i feel life has no meaning.

Permalink Reply by michael sandoval on December 25, 2011 at 4:24pm

I have the same feelings

Permalink Reply by Ron on December 25, 2011 at 6:01pm

As well as feeling this way for the holidays  I have to set and watch the football game tonight without her.My Jean was a die hard packer fan. Before she got really sick she rented a sky box in green bay for the whole family. After it was over everyone thanked her and said it was a once in a lifetime thing and they would never forget it.I asked her why she did it and all she said was because she wanted to. So anyway i am in for another long lonely night with a broken heart.

Permalink Reply by michael sandoval on December 25, 2011 at 6:11pm

me too Ron

Permalink Reply by Tracey Bottoms on January 29, 2012 at 11:43pm

I lost my Husband to bladder cancer also. He whipped it in 2009 and it came back in his bones in 2011. He left me, I believe to go to Heaven, on Dec. 3rd 2011 in the early morning hrs. I bolted  as soon as the funeral was over and about a week went by with me still not sleeping. I packed all of our things and came to Florida to stay with my Dad. We finally left Kentucky the Monday before Christmas. I could not stay there and face the Christmas celebrations! I got through the holidays without having to deal with decorations gifts and all the trimmings. Now it seems as if time is going so slow. You know how as you get older time just seems to fly by? I feel like time is almost at a stand still. The days are so long even when I am busy. Does anyone else feel this? I am here to talk if anyone wants to. All of you are in my prayers.  

Permalink Reply by anna l. on January 30, 2012 at 12:05am

Tracy Im so sorry this has happened to you too.  It is such an incredible pain I wish no one else in the world would ever have to feel it.  My husband was diagnosed in April as well.  3 days before our 30 wedding anniversary.  He lived just 10 weeks after that fateful day.  Time is a weird thing for me.  Sometimes it feels like only days since I sat with him and held his hand, kissed his forehead, told him how much I loved him.   And other times its like a hundred years have passed.  You are in my prayers as well.  Hope you have found a way to get the rest you need. 

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