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Permalink Reply by Lou LaGrand, Ph.D. on July 7, 2009 at 8:17am

Joy: I can only imagine your sadness at death of your Dad. I am deeply sorry. It is important for you to understand that it is next to impossible to love someone and when they die not feel guilty about something. I don't know what your particular guilt is, but it will help you immensely to talk to someone you trust about it. You are not responsible for his death. Challenge your guilt with questions for yourself. You did not deliberately do anything to hasten his natural death. Women in our culture are brought up to feel responsible for everything, which is so wrong. Focus on all the good things you did for your Dad, especially when you start thinking of your guilt. I'll bet you did everything you could and more. Lou

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Permalink Reply by Yvonne on July 7, 2009 at 9:26am

Please, do not be so hard on yourself. We are after all only human w/all of the imperfections of our conditions. What do you think you did that let your father down? Every person that lives makes mistakes and we all do things that we wish we had not done or we have things to be ashamed of. These do not make us bad people, only people. If we are so blessed to live long we will undoubtedly make more. We must learn to forgive others, as well as ourselves. Remember that God loves you and certainly understands you.

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Permalink Reply by Gina Stroup on July 7, 2009 at 10:46am

Sometimes we play the what if game. What if I would have done this or what if I would have dont that. I thought maybe I took my husband to the wrong doctors, wrong hospital etc.. I started second guessing all the decisions I had made for my 54 year old husband. He appointed me to make all his medical decisions right after we found out he had cancer and was in stage four. I wondered why we had not had a sign that he was sick, why did we find out when it was to late, should I have taken him to City of Hope, should I have made better decisions. Second guessing only leads to added pain. We miss them, we did everything humanly possible, and everyone was praying for them. We have to just accept that it was their time, that is the only way we can start to heal. My husband left me June 24, 2007. I am still grieving his death. It is still painful, but I can now also look back on the happy memories we made in our 27 years together. I hope you know that none of us let our loved ones down. We loved them with every thing we had. Trust me, they know that we did...

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Permalink Reply by machelle on July 7, 2009 at 5:23pm

Please dont feel guilty about lettin him down, take a few minutes to yourself and remember what all you did for him and just know that you did the best you could and you did take care of him, he is truelly thankful you cared to do that. I lost my father in aug 08, my husband in oct08 and my mother in nov08 i understand what you feel and for awhile i felt as you do because i worked and tried to care for them all as well i did the best i could and they atleast passed on to a better world knowing they were loved and cared for the best i could.

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Permalink Reply by Katherine Ellis on July 24, 2009 at 1:06am

guilty is an evil snake that comes around to bite everyone after someone we love dies. We always wonder what if I could of-should have done that. Maybe if I stayed up longer with them. Maybe if we hadn't gone that day. There are always second guessing. Everyone does it. But you have to let it go. Just from the little bit you wrote I'm wondering if you weren't your Dad's primerary caretaker. That takes a lot of courage, strength and love. I'm bbetting you did everything you could and more. If for some reason you didn't. What now? It's time to let go. You need to get some counciling if you can let it go. Reach out for help if that is what you need. I glad you found this website. Use it, thats what we are all here for.

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Permalink Reply by Stephanie on July 25, 2009 at 5:23pm

why do you feel guilty? why do you feel that you let him down?

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Permalink Reply by Serena Ellis on August 25, 2009 at 6:50am

Joy, I m very sorry for your dad. But why do you feel guilty? I know its hard time for you but you can trying to move on. Death is painful but it spares nobody, its the law of nature. You should join grief counseling for deal with your grief. I hope it will helpful for you.
I will also pray to God for you. Accept my condolences.
(((((((((HUGS)))))))))))

condolence message

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