Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Linda Gutierrez on January 18, 2011 at 11:57pm

You sound like me, once you've had your life partner, why would we waste time . I dislike the word ''Widow". Just can't get that out of my mouth!

Permalink Reply by sheila kerr on January 19, 2011 at 6:30am

I know what you mean because I am still Marvin"s wife I feel as though I will always be his wife.We were not seperated by choice and my vows sais till death do you part well only one of us died but it feels like I did too sometimes.

Permalink Reply by Amy on January 21, 2011 at 5:24am

I can say that I know how you feel.  I also despise the word "widow".  Twice, I have had to fill out paperwork in the next few weeks when I checked off the box for martial status as widow, I have had the person that checks the paperwork tell me that I checked that box.  Aloud.  In front of the other people waiting.  When I nod my head, because I can't speak, they look at me and say, "Oh, you look too young to be a widow".  I want to scream.  If there is one thing that we have all learned, there aren't any rules.  Life isn't fair.  I didn't choose this fate.  Neither did my husband.  I don't want to be a part of this club. 

But, I will not let this break me.  I will not stop talking about my husband.  I don't care if it makes my so-called friends uncomfortable.  They can't relate to anything that I am going through.  I told one of my closest friends that I was having a bad week and I didn't want to get together and she replied that she was having a bad week, too.  REALLY?  Why, because of your job?  Your husband?  Your kids?  Your car?  NOT THE SAME!  Don't compare your trivial problems to my husband's death.  I know I sound angry but really I am just annoyed at the fact that my friends don't get it and for their sake, I hope they never have to.

Permalink Reply by Stephanie Legge on November 22, 2011 at 7:01am

Thank you Amy that's exactly how I feel most days!  AUGH!!!!!!  How can you tell me that you are having a bad week....someone extra special to you passed away suddenly did you have to find them did you have to administer CPR even though knowing full well he was gone?  It's the most horrific experience in any human beings life everything else is trivial.  Peoples pity little complaints about life in general is stupid it just is.  LIFE IS TOO SHORT PUT ON YOUR BIG GIRL/BOYS PANTS AND MOVE ON and leave me alone!!!  Sorry about that Amy it feels good to vent and yes I still talk about my husband Bob I lost him in June and I will be damn if I am going to lay his memories to rest because other people are like ewww don't want to hear about it.  Take care Amy and thank you so much for venting.  Some people cheeze!!!!

Permalink Reply by Stephanie Legge on November 22, 2011 at 7:04am

I've actually had people when they find out I am a widow they started calling me Ms. and I correct them by saying Mrs.  I am still Mrs. and will continue to be Mrs.  just like I will continue to wear my wedding bands with my husbands band.  What is it with society today just so damn COLD!  Widow...someone has to come up with something different.  They are always fixing other things so, why not that damn word!  Take care Linda thank you for sharing.

Permalink Reply by Annette Dominguez on October 13, 2011 at 9:52am

I lost my husband on 1/1/11 and I still cry almost everyday. I am 51 years old and like you never thought I would have to live without my husband. It is so hard. I cannot think of tomorrow because he won't be there. I can only take care of today and some days are just horrible. My son will graduate from college in December and I know I will be bawling my eyes out. I can't imagine being with anyone else either but I don't want to be alone either. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. I am trusting in God and that He will get me through this horrible nightmare.

Permalink Reply by Amy on October 14, 2011 at 6:36am

Annette,

I do know that feeling.  My friends keep asking me when I think I will be ready to date.  This question angered me  when they first starting asking.  I felt broken and didn't want to replace my husband like he was a family pet and I could just go get another one.  Now  I'm having the same feelings as you.  Really can't picture myself with some one else but I don't want to live alone for the rest of my life.  All we can do is trust that there is another plan for us.  I have a daughter that will graduate from college in December.  I am sure that our husbands will be there watching over their children.  I will be thinking of you and your son as I am crying, too.  Sending you a hug....

 

Permalink Reply by Stephanie Legge on November 22, 2011 at 6:54am

Hello Sheila:

 

I feel the same way my husband Bob died in June and as you said well meaning people say some of the strangest things to you.  I am looking at five months on Sunday and Bob was my world we just found each other in Spring of 2006 and he was one of the rare ones sensitive, empathic just plain wonderful and now I wake up to silence every morning it's not fair.  Take care Sheila and know you are not alone we didn't ask to be widows and we aren't looking for love when we already had what we wanted. 

Permalink Reply by Amanda Ab on November 22, 2011 at 1:20pm

Hello wonderful ladies,

I am a 27 year old widow. And I am too bothered by the word and how other people view it. I just cant get to accept this reality without my sweet loving husband. I am going on 7 months without him and i can say that it does not seem to get any better. Dont know if its because of all the stress that i am carrying and/or holidays, winter?. My life changed in a matter of seconds. I did not plan on raising my son on my own, providing for him, what to do when he starts asking Why he does not have a Dad?.. Oh noooo. I just did not become a Widow, a became a mecanic, a plumber, a technician, an electrician, a head of household, a mommy/daddy. There is so much i have lost that will give anything, anything to just have my husband back here with me and my son. I too, get bothered when people comment that I am too young, that i should be able to date again soon and find someone else. That just upsets the heck out of me.  They do not have a single idea of what i go through every day? the emptiness that i have inside, the loneliness, the sadness the frustration of wanting my husband back..  How do i live without him? If I have never been without him?

Permalink Reply by Rebecca Dyson on November 25, 2011 at 3:00pm

I don't know how to be a widow either. The word just seems completely off somehow. I am 49, my husband died a year and a half ago when I was 47.  Jim made me promise I would "find someone" but I can't even fathom how to do that. My friends are all worried about me being alone. I told them I would be open minded, but right now I am still focusing on getting through one day at a time much less even considering a new relationship.