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Permalink Reply by Patricia J. Jones on October 5, 2011 at 2:33pm

Stephanie~

My husband was on the cardiac transplant list at the University of Chicago and passed away before a heart could be located for him.  As part of the transplant program we were required to write a letter to the donor family.  It was with love and truth in our hearts that we wrote, "As thankful as we are we are more saddened by the earth shattering loss you have just suffered.  It breaks our hearts to know that for him (my husband) to live it brings the untimely death of someone younger and much beloved by their family."  We really meant that.  My husband had such mixed feelings about being on the transplant list.

I told my 11 year old grandson one day, "Jacob pray for grandpa to get a heart donation."  He said, "Grams are you seriously asking me to pray for some young person to die so grandpa can get their heart?"  I said, "Well....no."  Then I thought ~ what do I mean?  He said, "Because that's what would have to happen you know!!"  I did know.  It's all so confusing.  Such an unpleasant emotional roller coaster ride. I tried to explain to him that God has a plan for every life and sometimes young healthy people are torn away from their loved ones with no explanation at all.  I said, "The family is making a wonderful gift to a complete stranger so their life can continue.  It is the beautiful gift of life."  When my husband passed one of my first thoughts was.....well we don't have to go through that confusing feeling of feeling grief for the donor's family.  It really is a hard situation.

If it is any comfort to you at all, please know that he families and patients that received your husband's donations are extremely thankful and grateful to you both.  They have a new lease on life and will never forget where that second chance came from.

I know this doesn't ease the pain of your loss.  I still miss my husband so much I can't stand it.  I'm too young to be a widow.  None of my friends are.  I'm alone in that regard and people who haven't been through what we are going through just don't get it.  I'm sure your husband was a beautiful and caring person.  We grieve so hard because we loved so deeply.

God bless and I really hope you find some peace in this day.

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