Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Patti Meadows on July 25, 2011 at 7:43am

My Son Matt went to heaven on June 28, 2006 at the age of 26 due to a car crash.....and strangely, I only feel that now I can even accept any of it.  I have busied myself and not allowed myself to fully grieve.  He is a wonderful young man who was married, has two loving brothers (he is the youngest) and a Mom & Dad you love him very much.  These groups are really helping me.  I read some of the blogs of people hurting so bad, and I can certainly relate.  It all comes down to faith...It has taken me all this time to realize that I either believe he is in a better place or I don't.  And..."I DO"!!!  It is not the plan I wanted, and I don't know what the answer is,  but maybe I am learning WHO the answer is.  I am trying to resolve today to remember Matt with love instead of sorrow.  I was priviledged to have him for 26 years, and finally I can say thank you God for that.  Thanks for letting me share.  Patti

Permalink Reply by Karen R. on July 25, 2011 at 12:18pm

Hey Patty, so sorry for your loss. I am suffering from the loss of my 21 yr old son, maybe 20 months ago.....I don't like to count the time that has gone by because it reminds me that the world is going on without my son and that makes me angry. Counting also sounds like to me, that I have accepted what has happened to my son and I haven't. I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts and your encouraging message. Hopefully I will gain my faith back and I will find comfort in knowing that he is "OK" but as of now, as I write this, I feel like his place is here with me and that none of this is "OK". Thanks again.

Permalink Reply by Maureen Mason on August 15, 2011 at 1:37am

Hello everyone...i'm new here so bear with me. Sigh...where do i begin? I lost my daughter Courtney on Wednesday August 27, 2008 to a ruptured brain aneurism. She was only 20 years old. She was the youngest of my 4 children (i have 2 daughters and a son). She was living on her own only 15 miles away from me, working full time and going to school part time. She was a perfectly healthy girl with no known medical conditions to speak of. She had gotten off work, and then gone to her gym. She was supposed to meet her sisters at a restaurant to have dinner, but she never arrived. My daughters texted her and she didn't respond, which was VERY unusual for her. After she was over an hour late, they went to her apartment and saw her car in the parking lot. They went to her door and saw the lights were on. After banging on the door for several minutes they were able to get a neighbor and a maintenance man who lived on the property to get inside. They found Courtney on the floor of her bathroom not breathing. They called 911 and they were there in minutes. The neighbor tried CPR and the EMT's took over and they immediately took her to the hospital, but she was pronounced dead right after they got there.

I was on my way home from work when they called me hysterical from the hospital and told me to get there right away. I don't even remember how i got there. When i got there, they told me she was gone. I remember asking them "What?" like 8 times. It was like somebody had punched me in the stomache. I became so light headed i almost passed out. They had called my husband right after me but he was closer so he got there first. He grabbed me and sat me down. All i remember was crying and screaming. My daughters were sobbing. I had no idea what to do. I felt so helpless. I just kept repeating "Why? Why?" I had always considered myself a strong person, but this completely destroyed me. My girls were able to fill me in on what happened a little bit and the doctor talked to us a few minutes later. I hardly recall all the things he said that he said, but he told us that she was probably already gone before they transported her to the hospital, and that they would have to perform an autopsy to find out what exactly happened. Of course, i did not want that, but he said they had to. They let us have some private time alone with her and i was able to see and touch my little girl. We all cried. My husband was able to call my ex husband (Courtney's dad) and tell him (we divorced when she was 12) as well as calling my son who was away at school. The next days were almost a blur. I got almost no sleep and could not stop crying. I threw up right after i got home. As everyone here probably knows, the worst and hardest thing in the world is making funeral arrangements for your child and i never in a million years thought i would ever be doing that. If i didn't have a strong family, i wouldn't have been able to do it at all. I dreaded going to do that more than anything. I also found out later that the police went to her apartment and they assigned an investigator from the medical examiner to find out any information. They were treating her death as "suspicious". She had been partly dressed when they found her, and they were looking for any signs of drugs, suicide or foul play. My daughters had to be questioned about what they saw. After the autopsy, they concluded that it was natural causes, but were still looking into the drug thing until the toxicology results came back (4-6 weeks). I knew that she would never kill herself, and i knew that she never messed with drugs..EVER. They found nothing out of the ordinary and they said she had probably been getting ready to get in the shower when she collapsed.

After that whole thing, which was finally resolved a month after she passed, we still had to deal with rumors going around that she overdosed on drugs, even though it was proven that she didn't and even with all of her friends telling people that it wasn't true. Some people are just idiots, but it made me angry. On top of it, we had serious issues with the funeral home and one of their employees. I won't go into detail about it right now, but that went on for over a year. I still am having a difficult time because i didn't get the chance to really sit down and think about things with all these things going on. I'm still angry and upset, and missing my baby every day, mainly because i constantly feel that i could have done something to help her. To be with her or protect her...from what i don't know, but i feel like a failure as a mother. I am always wondering and thinking about what happenend. Did she know what was happening to her? Was she scared? Was she in pain? I keep coming back to the thought that she was all alone when she passed and that no one was there to comfort or console or help her and it tears me up inside whenever i think about that. Now i have to face the date of August 27th again and thats one more thing i don't want to deal with, along with mothers day, thanksgiving, christmas, her birthday, blah blah blah. Anyway, thanks for listening to my rambling. God bless all of you and all of your precious angels!

Permalink Reply by Kar on September 26, 2011 at 9:56am

Maureen,

 So So SO sorry about your precious Courtney.   (( HUGS )) --    Hope the group helps you have a understanding place to talk- vent - cry - ----  what ever you need.    There are a lot of wonderful people here hurting right along side of you that do understand.    

I so hate that everyone here know the pure agony and pain of this.

LOVE and HUGs  to all.  Karen

Permalink Reply by Lorraine on August 29, 2011 at 9:22pm

 

IN MEMORY OF MY SON, SILAS “SY” RIVER BENNETT    OCTOBER 5, 1978 ~ MAY 27, 2008
"When you are going through hell, keep going." Silas read this on the inside of an iced tea lid shortly after his diagnosis of stage IV lung cancer that had spread to his spine, in early October of 2007. That same day he told me, "It's going to be okay, mom." Diagnosed just four days before his 29th birthday, Silas was laying the groundwork for how he would deal with having the rug pulled out from under him at a time when he was preparing to jump off into the world as a journalist. Silas was a fighter, battling his cancer with tenacity, humor, and a fierce passion for life. He raged against the cancer, yet somehow found a way to keep it from poisoning his ability to look to the future. My son died on May 27, 2008, less than 8 months following his diagnosis. During those months he endured brutal chemotherapy treatments, two surgeries, radiation, a clinical trial, and more pain than any human being should ever have to suffer. I cannot say that Silas "lost his battle" as I know in my heart that wherever he is, he carries forward in true warrior spirit. I brought my son into this world, and I was at his side when he took his last breath; without doubt my life is forever changed. However, that is not what I choose to share today. Instead, I want to remember how passionately my son cared for other human beings, how he was never too sick or tired or even delirious to help someone who was down on their luck, or to thank someone for something as simple as holding an elevator door so that we could squeeze him & his wheelchair in. He took time to share himself in a way that was generous yet humble. Silas was not perfect, but he was real with who he was. When he was sick, he didn't always make the decisions others around him would have preferred; sometimes he insisted on leaving the hospital before doctors wanted him to so that he could go home to his own bed, or refused pain medication because he wanted to be present rather than pain-free. I admired that about him. I grew to respect the stubbornness that I used to think of as one of his more challenging qualities at times. It had found a place with cancer, let the beast know what it was up against. Silas did not back down, did not give in. There are people who have asked, "Wouldn't it have been easier on you if he accepted the fact that he wasn't getting better?" To those people I must say, it wasn't about me. It was about respecting and acknowledging who my son was, and what he was about. The love and enjoyment Silas brought to life, his ability to feel the terror of bad news yet find something delightful to laugh about a day later, and the persistence to carry forward even during the darkest of times. The inner strength Silas gathered to carry on with mind over body astounds me to this day. I am certain it kept him here with us longer than what should have been physically possible. And for that I will be forever grateful.
Written by Lorraine Kerz, (Sy’s Mom)

Permalink Reply by Karen R. on August 29, 2011 at 10:49pm

dear lorraine, I read your posting, I am so sorry to hear about your tremendous loss. Your son is also gone too soon. Thanks for sharing........keep writing.

Permalink Reply by Lorraine on August 30, 2011 at 9:35pm

thank you so much Karen. I am so sorry for your loss as well.  this is unbearable so much of the time.... sending love

Permalink Reply by Terrie B on September 5, 2011 at 2:40pm

Hello--- My name is Terrie...........my daughters name is Candance

On July 11th 2011 Candance was murdered in her home...her murderer has not been caught.

I have 3 daughters, Candance is our second daughter.  She is also the mother of a 10 year old daughter.

I miss Candance everyday.........although she lived in TX and I live in VA we would talk, text and email several times daily.....she would send me pictures and recordings of the ferrell cats she fed around her house..........everyday she would tell me of a new cat that would let her get close enough to pet it. 

I miss her funny messages..............her silly sense of humor..............her beautiful eyes and her warm cheezy smile.

I keep thinking that every day it will get better ...it will get easier to be with out her, but its not.  I dont see how it ever can..................

Terrie

 

Permalink Reply by Rebecca Hill Loflin on September 5, 2011 at 2:54pm

Hi Terrie,  My name is Becky Loflin and I lost my son Marty Jan. 19th 2010.  I would love to say it gets easier, but it seems to get harder each day.  The miss is unbearable for me.  But, it's not just about me - I am angry that Marty is not getting to enjoy his life.  He died in a hospital in Pinehurst, NC after a cardiovascular surgeon did what he told us was a routine aortic valve replacement. The dr is no longer there, but is practicing in another state. Alot is wrong with this world! Marty was 34 and a beautiful person. He stayed in a coma for fourteen day at that horrible hospital.  We were not offered explanation or any compassion. My world is upside down and I think I am in shock still today.  He walked into that hospital completely fine and left in a body bag.

I am so sorry for you loss. How is her 10 year old daughter doing?  I know it must be horrible for her as well as the devastation for you.  Lossing a child no matter what age is absolutely the worst thing that could happen to anyone.  One thing that has offered me comfort has been going to Compassonate Friends. It is a group of bereaved parent that meet once a month.  They have chapters all over the United States.  You can google them for a chapter in your area, if you think that would be helpful to you.  I know what helps me might not help someone else.  Just a suggestion.  I wish you peace and comfort as you go thru your days without your beautiful daughter Candance.  You have my heartfelt sympathy.  Please be in touch at anytime!

Becky Loflin

Marty's Mama

Permalink Reply by Patti Meadows on September 5, 2011 at 3:22pm

Hello Terrie and so sorry for your pain....I try to never call it loss because I know that our children are not "lost" we know where they are they are

with the Lord, we just are not with them yet...My son Matt went to heaven on June 28, 2006...he was 26 at the time due to a car crash....I know your pain is so new and raw, and If it is ok with you, I will pray for you and your family...Anytime you would like to share, feel free to do so here, no judgements, just love and compassion......Blessings, Patti Meadows (Matt's Mom)

Permalink Reply by Terri Mosby on September 10, 2011 at 2:23am

I lost my beautiful son Rodney,20, on July 24th, 2011 to a car accident...My wounds are very fresh,so I will just say that I feel like my heart has been ripped from my chest and I can see it beating pointlessly in front of me, and there is nothing I can do to make it right again.

Permalink Reply by Kar on September 26, 2011 at 10:05am

Trust me Terri I soooo understand.  

    We all do here - that is the sad-rough thing about this page -  but hopefully you find a comfort from others here... I helps me to talk to others who GET IT....

    I too lost a son in an auto accident.   My Brad was 16 -   he was a passenger with my husband (his dad) and our older son.  10/19/07 -     

    I Hope you find some comfort here.  Karen

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