Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
I loss my 21yr old about 14 months ago, due to him riding his friend's motorcycle. Time has not even begun to ease my pain or my anger. It may sound irrational, but I am really angry that the world is "going on" WITHOUT my son. When they told me that there was nothing left that they could do for my son, I felt like the sun and the moon should never rise again. I felt like I passed away with my son. I want him back.
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Hey Sandra, I feel that way about many of you guys postings too. It's so hard, if not impossible, to make others, fortunately, NOT in our shoes, understand what we are feeling. Somehow, someway we seem to get through each day, no matter how difficult it may be. Some days I'm just so tired of this and I can't take another second and there are others that I just convince myself that nothing happened to him.
Thanks for all you guys support, I really mean that.
Thinking of you . I know you are going through the same pain as me. Our babies "left" us at the same age. Yes they were just babies. August 13 will be 2 years my baby left me. I'm scared and panicking for this day to come. I share your anger about the world going on WITHOUT..our son/daughter. It's like you just want it to stop because our pain is too unbearable to watch the days go by. To have one more day come that we don't have them. One more day longer since we've seen them. I want to stand in the middle of the street or wherever and just scream! "Don't you people know that someone precious was taken from me? How can you just go on like business as usual? How can you not feel my pain? How can you not hear me screaming and crying inside.My child was taken from me! Does anyone care?!" I scream at God all the time to give her back to me, that she's mine. I scream at her to come back. Nobody listens. Why did this happen? I will never understand or accept it as long as I live. I wasn't done with her yet. I didn't have enough time. There's never enough time.
Take care and hope to talk to you soonn
Hugs
Love
Julie
A poem-"Normal'
My new "Normal" Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile when you realizesomeone important is missing from all the important events in your family's life. Normal is feeling like you can't sit another minute without getting up and screaming because you just don't like to sit through anything. Normal is not sleeping very well because a thousand what if's & why didn't I's go through your head constantly. Normal is reliving that day continuously through your eyes and mind, holding your head to make it go away. Normal is having the TV on the minute I walk into the house to have noise, because the silence is deafening. Normal is every happy event in my life always being backed up with sadness lurking close behind, because of the hole in my heart. Normal is telling the story of your child's death as if it were an everyday, commonplace activity, and then seeing the horror in someone's eyes at how awful it sounds. And yet realizing it has become a part of my "normal". Normal is having some people afraid to mention my baby. Normal is making sure that others remember her. Normal is weeks, months, and years after the initial shock, the grieving gets worse sometimes, not better. Normal is not listening to people compare anything in their life to this loss, unless they too have lost a child. NOTHING. Even if your child is in the remotest part of the earth away from you - it doesn't compare. Losing a parent is horrible, but having to bury your own child is unnatural. Normal is taking pills, and trying not to cry all day, because I know my mental health depends on it. Normal is realizing I do cry everyday. Normal is disliking jokes about death or funerals, bodies being referred to as cadavers, when you know they were once someone's loved one. Normal is being impatient with everything and everyone, but someone stricken with grief over the loss of your child. Normal is sitting at the computer crying, sharing how you feel with chat buddies who have also lost a child. Normal is feeling a common bond with friends on the computer in England, Australia, Canada, the Netherlands and all over the USA, but yet never having met any of them face to face.Normal is a new friendship with another grieving mother, talking and crying together over our children and our new lives. Normal is not listening to people make excuses for God. "God may have done this because..." I love God, I know that my baby is in heaven,but hearing people trying to think up excuses as to why babies were taken from this earth is not appreciated and makes absolutely no sense to this grieving mother. Normal is being too tired to care if you paid the bills, cleaned the house, did laundry or if there is any food. Normal is wondering this time whether you are going to say you have a child, because you will never see this person again and it is not worth explaining that my baby is in heaven. And yet when you say you have no children to avoid that problem, you feel horrible as if you have betrayed your baby. Normal is avoiding McDonald's and Burger King playgrounds because of small, happy children that break your heart when you see them. Normal is asking God why he took your child's life instead of yours and asking if there even is a God. Normal is knowing I will never get over this loss, in a day or a million years. And last of all, Normal is hiding all the things that have become "normal" for you to feel, so that everyone around you will think that you are "normal".
~Written by someone that knows exactly what I'm going through, this woman loss her baby girl, it does not matter how old your child is, they will always be your baby.
Oh my I can understand this!!!! I am in the same "grief place" as you are. My son died from a drowning accident last May and he was 16 yrs old. He's been gone 15 months and somedays I can't even face the world. I see everyone going on with their lives like NOTHING has happened! How can they do that?!?!?! I remember thinking I could NEVER get through the death of a child, yet here I am, getting through it...one day at a time. I still want him back! I want him to come home! I know what you mean when you say you died with him! We will never get that part of us back! What I would like to know is how to go back to work and get through those times when the grief overtakes you??? I thought I had an understanding boss and coworkers, but I think I was mistaken. They don't get it!!!
Hi Cheryl. I'm so sorry for your loss!! Hugs and prayers to you. Karen also!! I lost my daughter just 2 yrs ago last week just before her 22nd birthday. I know exactly how u feel. Everyday gets worse and I wanna scream at ppl when i see them laughing and going on with their lives. I think My God it's just not fair!! Don't u ppl know a precious life is gone!! Can't u hear me screaming inside? Can't u feel my sadness?!!..they will NEVER get it unless they have gone thru it. I hope to God no one has to feel that unbearable pain of losing a child but they just don't understand unless they've walked in our shoes.
Karen I LOVE this poem!! It's so on the dot how we all feel. How can anyone not feel tihs way? Our lives have all been so turned upside down and inside out. It's very sad that losing our child is what we all have in common and what brought us all together but I am very glad I found all of you!
God Bless u both..Cheryl and Karen and all the other grieving parents out there we all have a bond which will never be severed.
Hugs to u both!
Hey Cheryl, is that a picture of your beautiful son by your posting? I am so sorry for the loss of your baby, 16, wow!!! This pain is too much. How will this ever get "better"?! It still amazes me that somehow, I get through each day. I talk to my son everyday and I still call his cell phone hoping he will answer, I leave him text messages, hoping he will text me back. Please talk about him as much as you want, someone here will always listen.
Hey Julie, thanks for all of your support, it's like what else can we all do, no one could really understand unless they have experienced this nightmare. I went to a cook out with my dad this past weekend at a neighbors house and after being there for a short while, I couldn't hold back my tears. My son would have been at this same bar bq with his friends that were there. I sat there looking at everyone eating, laughing, dancing, just having a great time and all I could do was cry. I started to wonder if anyone there even remembered my son. Some days are better than others but they're pretty much all bad........thanks for your hug!
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