Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Robin Williams on July 29, 2011 at 6:56pm

Laura-

I am so very sorry for your loss.  I too lost my Moma very unexpectedly.  It was one year ago this week.  I wish I had some magical advice for you but I don't.  I am still a mess to be perfectly honest w/ you.  The only thing I can tell you is to take it day by day.  Every day will create a different emotion and you should go w/ it.  Don't hold anything in.  This is an incredibly hard and lonely journey.  I have family and friends who try to help but don't really understand what I am going through.  Journal and reach out to others that have some understanding of what you are going through.  I also believe in the power of prayer.  Good luck to you and God Bless you.

 

Permalink Reply by Laura Krause on July 29, 2011 at 10:47pm

My family has been great but they just dont know what I'm going through. I started to cry at the store and my 26 year old daughter asked me what was wrong. I had to tell her that Im just  gonna cry sometimes. I dont understand why she didnt understand. Im not sure I can do this. Thanks for sharing with me, it helps to talk with people who are experiencing the same pain.         Laura .

Permalink Reply by Robin Williams on July 30, 2011 at 1:49pm

I understand about your family not understanding.  I am in my early thirties so I really don't have anyone who can relate including my husband who still has both of his parents.  You will cry (a lot) and at very odd times.  I had no reason to cry when I got home from work last night but I sobbed for a good 30 minutes.  I never thought I would survive 1 day w/out my moma much less 1 whole year.  It seems impossible but you can do it.  Because of the stress of my moma's passing I have experienced chest pains for the past 8 months now.  Grieving my moma has been the hardest thing that I have EVER gone through.  She was my best friend, counselor, cheerleader....you name it and she was it.  I can't say that it gets easier but you will somehow survive each day w/ God's grace.  I myself wish I knew when it would be easier.  I wish there was a timeline but there isn't because each person in unique and so is their relationship w/ your mother.  Like I said just keep reaching out to others and hopefully it will help.  Anytime you need to chat I am here!!

Robin

Permalink Reply by Laura Krause on July 30, 2011 at 10:34pm

Thanx Robin. I really do think talking with others who have gone through the same thing helps. sometimes I think Im losing my mind, until i read some of the posts here, Im sure I'll be reaching out to you again. thank you so much. Laura

Permalink Reply by mercy on August 1, 2011 at 4:19pm

Its very devastating to lose ones mom. Its been two months and honestly, it just gets harder for me each day. It seems like years since I heard moms voice. I wish for death every day but then again I imagine my daughter growing up without me. She's fairly young (20 months)so I keep saying, its easier for her to lose me now than later when she gets to know me and love me more. I have physical symptoms from my grief and sometimes I feel like it will just kill me. My co-worker who has an elderly mom (89 years) wishes she were dead! I despise her for this. I wanted mom to live as long as possible and this person wishes their mother dead? She feels like her mom is a burden. I don't have any words of comfort right now but I hope it helps to know that others understand. Lets just hold each other up in prayer and hope for better days.

Mercy.

Permalink Reply by Laura Krause on August 1, 2011 at 11:44pm

Thanks so much for sharing Mercy. It does help that others know our pain.  I have a friend who is comin to visit me next week. she mentioned casually that she hadnt spoken to her mom in a year. I asked her why. It had something to do with some gossip between her mom, sister and niece about her. Petty stuff. I told her that I thanked God I saw my mom just a few short hours before she died. I wouldnt have been able to live with myself if " we werent speaking". My friend n I grew up together. My mom was her 2nd mom n her mom was my 2nd mom. When she comes to visit Im going to make sure we go visit her(our) mom. Life is too short. Heres to better days, i hope they come soon. Laura

 

Permalink Reply by Suzanne Davis on August 5, 2011 at 9:15pm

I just wanted you to know that my heart goes out to you.  I recently lost my mom and my life has literally been black.  Black is all I can think of to describe it.  I don't leave the house, don't answer the phone, and don't want to see anyone.  I don't not know how to redefine my life without her.  I have no life without her.  I miss her every minute.

I just wanted you to know that I am suffering with you.  I miss my mother so deeply that I can hardly even get out of bed.  I don't think I will ever to be happy again without her.

 

Permalink Reply by Laura Krause on August 7, 2011 at 1:24am

Suzanne

I miss my mom so much every day. My computer went out on me and I havent been able to get online for the last few days. Its been hard not being able to have my support. I had a really bad couple of days.Thursday n Friday. I was angry at the world. Its not fair that my mom had to die. she was a really good person and never had anything bad to say about anyone. I just dont know what to do without her. I too am suffering and I know exactly how you feel. Hang in there. Talk to me anytime.

 

Permalink Reply by mercy on August 7, 2011 at 3:08pm

Suzanne; its so hard. You took the words right out of my mouth. Life is just black and I feel the same way you do. If I didn't have a daughter to take care of, I would just slowly die in my misery. I miss her, it feels like the air I breath has changed and even food and everything else doesn't have the same old flavor. Its just so miserable. I pray we can all find peace some day.

Permalink Reply by mercy on August 9, 2011 at 11:17am

Suzanne; I hate that you too are going through this hell. I think my job and daughter are my saving grace otherwise I would be housebound. I work full time and have a 21 month old baby girl, she needs to eat and do activities everyday so I'm forced to pull myself together and do these things for her. I'm also constantly on the move, shopping, cleaning, etc. Do you have a job? I think it can be a good distraction. I hope you find something that will occupy your time since I totally understand that grief can be debilitating. You may even try and volunteer at shelters or foodbanks. Please just do something to distract yourself even if just for a few minutes. Sometimes I play with my daughter through the tears, and I work through tears often but I think its better than being in bed. I'll be thinking about you dear and please take care of yourself.

Mercy.

Permalink Reply by Suzanne Davis on August 13, 2011 at 7:25pm

Thank you Mercy for the kind and wonderful words.  I would give anything to have a child, but I do not.  I do have a job which makes my situation even harder yet.  I am a nurse and I take care of very sick people and yet I had to help my mother die in peace.  It would be wonderful to hear the laughter of a child.  Thank God you have her - life is worth going on for your child. Love always.

Permalink Reply by Linda McDonnell on August 12, 2011 at 8:04pm

Suzanne:  I can really relate to what you are saying.  This is my first post.  I have a job to go and no one else to support me so I have to get out of the house but wish I could never leave it.  My mom lived with me all my life and I feel so lost and alone.  My family (siblings) don't understand.  They say I am being negative and that I need to move on with my life.  I just don't know how to do that. 

 

I am sorry for what you are going through.  I am glad I found this group.

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