Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Semary Rose on July 11, 2011 at 9:09pm

So interesting.  Telling off your grief.  Sometimes that is what I feel happened to me.  It has been such a short time--about 6 weeks, but I am unsure if it is numbness or my refusal to allow myself to become totally absorbed in this pain that lurks in every corner.  I appreciate the assertive approach.  It is somewhat empowering in a time where I feel completely powerless.

Permalink Reply by MIchael A Ballard on July 15, 2011 at 11:32pm

It does do something, telling the grief off that is, but you have to really put your foot into it.

I just got fed up one day and it really worked, and is still working.

Grief can make us very sick, can probably lead to something more serious also!

It has 2 faces, and I have been seeing the side of it that has wings.  

Still have my down days, but they are more manageable.

Please don't ever believe that you are powerless through this time, you feel that way because the

grief has us missing someone we love, and has us living in the past.  

You will make it.  Please read my reply to Dusty Chapman.  Hope I can help you too!
God Bless and it does get a lot better!

Trust your love and the love inside of you!  And please write any time that you want!
Michael 

Permalink Reply by Dusty Chapman on July 15, 2011 at 3:02pm

Hi MB, I recently lost my husband, this past April, he was the passenger in a accident where the driver was under the influence, and driving to fast, my husband hated driving fast, we just where able to have services this past weekend because of his father and sisters illnesses. So it's like even though almost 3 months have passed and I seemed to be doing ok, then the services came and it's like starting the whole process over. I have 2 sons, 5 and 7, who are each dealing with it in there own way also. I don't know how to feel, how do you find the rightway....

Permalink Reply by MIchael A Ballard on July 15, 2011 at 11:16pm

Hello Dusty,

Very very sorry to hear about your husband.  I get tired of my grief and it's control of me!  

When I have my foot on it's throat, I can see that my trials and struggling with my wife's health, are actually reactors today.  Meaning, I am aware that she is not here physically, but all of my fears when

she was here, worries about her health, her meds, her going to the hospital, her coping, sleeping, etc,

all of these things are reactors still, as if she was still here.  After almost 4 months since the trauma began, I can see there are still stressors that I had when she was here.  Which may just be my emotional defense against the grief.  Don't really know, kind of lost in that, as you can probably tell!

There are a lot of ways to deal and cope with grief.  

The best thing to do is to stay close to your children, express your love, and don't forget to love

yourself.  

I am into the fourth month since my wife passed and it has gotten a little easier, but there is still

that sting, that anxiety that can be overwhelming.  There recently was a day that came when I was on my

couch and pictured the grief at the other end.  I just started wailing and telling the grief off and believe it or

not, I felt an overwhelming relief.  Now, I have tried relaxing music, but my wife and I listened and danced

to music, so that kind of brought me down.  I have tried getting in touch with nature, blanket on the lawn,

lying back, seeing the wind thru the trees, but once again, that was something she and I would do also.

I would recommend warm showers, massages, comedy, and just really put all of your effort into your

kids, having fun with them, going places, any kind of outing.

Everyone is different with grief, just like grief is different for everyone.  Grief is a part of our lives, part of you, and

part of me, and just a part of us all.  In all of it's torment, torture, and darkness, it must be as natural

as being born, living, and dyeing.  I can only tell you to hang on for days to pass, and they will, for

time to heal, as time always does, and to be reassured that we are all here with you.

It is not just you.  I made a chant that helps as well as sounding like a 'geek' and telling off my grief..

Lift me up holy spirit, Pick me up and let me soar thru this bad time.

This world isn't all that you know, there is something else, has to be!  We can only guess, but 

if you ask me, we weren't put here to suffer, but to express love, be loved, and share love.

Keep your love stronger than your grief and you will be surprised what you can feel!

Believe it or not, it does get better as time goes on.  Good ol' Father Time!

You have a good friend here, be strong and ride the storm out, everyone who hasn't will have to one day!

God Love You,

Michael 

 

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