Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Sean Casey on May 4, 2011 at 11:49pm

I wish I could tell you.  I lost my wife to suicide three months ago.  I haven't felt the only choice is to join her, but I've also really questioned why I should keep going, why God wants me around still.  I do know that it's gotten a bit easier as time's gone on.  I know that talking to people who can relate has helped.  I hope that this site helps you out, too.

Permalink Reply by Sandra LaBonte on May 9, 2011 at 12:17pm

Sean, Thank you for writing me back. I apologize for my choice of words. I didn't mean to sound insensitive and I am sorry for your loss.

Permalink Reply by Kandi Broussard on May 5, 2011 at 8:34am

Oh my gosh... I am soooo sorry.  Please be prepared because you may feel like this for a while but you eventually find a way to cope even though the pain continues.  It does take time, just hang in there

Permalink Reply by Amy Smith on May 9, 2011 at 6:30pm

Dearest Sandra..

    I cannot tell you how much my heart goes out to you.. i lost my husband 1 year ago on April 30, and still have thoughts of wanting to join him.. but God has dealt me this hand and i must not fold. We had 4 beautiful children together and he left me here to take care of them. I cannot imagine the Hell you experience every waking minute of the day, but i am here.. Never give up.. think of what she would want you to do.. that is hard i know but if you EVER need anyone just know that we all here have our hands out to you. We will help you up. Love and God's great blessings to you my sister.

 

Permalink Reply by Sandra LaBonte on May 22, 2011 at 4:40pm

Thank you. She was beautiful inside and out. She just didn't realize it yet. I don't really cope. I just try and run away from myself and it doesn't work. I can't settle anywhere. I'm mean to everyone around me. I cry and have panic attacks. I like you, reached out to someone on this site that lost her only child. Her name is Laura and sometimes she is all that gets me through the day. I know when you have other children it doesn't make the pain any less and that people with other kids or grandkids are still in the same agony that I am. I never want it to sound like I think my pain is worse than theirs I know it is not, it is just different. I hope this is coming out right because I don't want to upset anyone who is hurting. My little brother has 3 kids and 1 grandson and he says he doesn't know how he is going to go on without his favorite niece. I know 1 child or 15 children the loss of any child is devastating. I just feel that if Kasey would have had a sibling or a child that I would still have a reason to live. Right now there is no one on this earth that needs me. She was my best friend. She was my first call every morning and my last call at night. I do want my life to be over, but I too don't want to risk never seeing her again.

Your son is very handsome. . Do you feel like he has sent you any signs?

Permalink Reply by Terri Kuta on June 2, 2011 at 12:40am

Sandra:

 

I lost my 17 year old son last november, and as you I felt he still needed his mother and have tried more than once to end my life but as a christian i couldn't kill myself, my baby still needs me, i have a daughter and 2 step children that i have raised so no i don't know about losing your only child, but he was a our child when i married my husband it became a his mine and ours and i spoilt my son so much, he became my best friend since his siblings are all older than he was and was out of the house and my husband works out of town, we had weekly movie night no matter what he would stay home with me, he was killed 500 feet from out house, my husband got to him in 2 minutes but he was gone it took me 15 mintues because they shut down the whole road, I feel my son and he send me signs that is the only way I go on, have you asked your daughter to send you a sign that she is still with you,

 

Permalink Reply by Sandra LaBonte on June 2, 2011 at 5:07pm

Everyday I pray for a sign that she is ok and doesn't need me to join her. I don't get anything but nightmares where I have to tell her she is dead over and over until she disappears. It's just too much. I'm very sorry for the loss of your son. No one should have to feel this pain

 

Permalink Reply by coachlouise on May 12, 2011 at 8:47pm

Oh I know that feeling, but there is another way to join her, feel her here, listen pay attention. The more you do the more you will see she is still with you, if you ever want a listening ear, you may call me, 541-821-6213 Coach Louise Rouse www.americasgriefcoach.com

Permalink Reply by David A on May 26, 2011 at 5:53pm

Dear Sandra,  as I sit here typing you are response tears comes to my eyes as I remember my loved one who committed suicide on April 20th.  Just when I think it will get better I take a step back.. I have found a couple of sympathetic ears and I  appreciate their patients with me. They say things will be better and they will be never feel like you have to hold back. I have come to accept the fact that I will cry whenever it suits me well. I try to remember the good time we shared over 17 years and that helps at times.  I hope you can understand that people love you and are wishing you the best in these hard times.

Permalink Reply by Sandra LaBonte on May 26, 2011 at 6:15pm

Thank you David. I am very sorry for your loss. I do understand that people love me. I know it sounds selfish, but it just doesn't help or matter to me. Believe me I wish it did. I am searching for a reason to be here. My entire life was wrapped up with Kasey and all I can see now are years of pain and loneliness without my baby. I never want to hurt the people that love me I just don't see the point.

Permalink Reply by David A on May 26, 2011 at 6:39pm

Sandra, my Lisa suffered from Huntington's, a disease she would have died from by the age of 51-53. She was 48 when she died. Its hard to believe that we were together over 16 years and I will admit that I too have thought about joining her but what good would that do?   I too see nothing but pain and loneliness in my future but as a recovering alcoholic I have learned that you need to take everything one day at a time.  I have been sober since June of 1992 because I take it one day at a time.  I know at times I feel the "dread" of the moment when I realize I will never hold or kiss my beloved Lisa but time will heal my wounds and they will heal yours too.  There are times I can laugh and cry all within the same minute.   Take care.

Permalink Reply by farida narain on June 1, 2011 at 6:22pm

Dear Sandra,  Your daughter was very beautiful.  It is a tremendous loss to all of us when we lose a child.  I have found my solace in prayers at home and by myself when I am having a very difficult time.  The sudden , tragic loss  is not at all acceptable.  I am at the stage now where reality is sinking in and I panic at the thought of my child gone.  It is just so very, very, painful and unfair.  I will pray for God to give you strength and comfort Sandra.

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