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Comment by Linda Engberg on December 7, 2019 at 5:28am

Wendy,

So sorry for your loss. Yes I know how you feel and it is a horrible thing to go through. Everyone in this forum care for one other and it is a place to go to share your most inner thoughts.

God Bless You and Your Family

Comment by Wendy on December 6, 2019 at 3:53pm

This is the first year in 31 years that my husband will not be here. I've not put up a tree or participated in any holiday celebrations. Instead, my Son, unpacked our tree and decorations we had collected thru the years and while visiting his family at Thanksgiving, decorated his home with them just as his dad had done all these years. It was beautiful but bittersweet.  My 5 year old granddaughter announced she would be asking Santa for Grandpa to come back. This of course reduced me to tears. It was always he and I, and our three sons and their families. Somehow even amongst my family, I feel out of place, and still alone. I wasn't supposed to be staying at my son's house, waking up there alone on Thanksgiving and Christmas. I'd hosted the holidays all these years. I miss him terribly each day. Trying to navigate this life id known that was abruptly changed is so hard, it's all so different. I wasn't supposed to be a widow at 53. 8 weeks after my husband was murdered my mom passed away. This is my first holiday without her as well. My two go to people all my life, gone, just like that. Thank you for providing me a safe forum to navigate this process, learn from others, share. Here, I know, you truly do know how I feel. Thank you for being here. 

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 6, 2019 at 8:12am

Comment by Linda Engberg on November 30, 2019 at 2:58pm

Comment by Joe Kelly on November 28, 2019 at 8:44am

Today is the 2nd for me.  Last year I stayed home alone because my Love was always so involved with it every year at my daughters house.  Two years ago, we spent it alone together in the hospital.  Again, Catch 22 because whether I'm there or not, they will feel Her missing.  I don't know how my being there will affect everyone else.  It's not just my family but the extended family and I am afraid, but I said I would be there after the cemetery and I have no idea how I'll get through it but just have this feeling that my Love wants me to go.  I won't be staying very long and asked to eat at the children's table.  The only thing I'm really thankful for is the wonderful life my Love gave me.  Yes, I have great children and grands but it's just not the same.

Tuesday is our 50th wedding anniversary.  It would had been so wonderful celebrating it but I know it will be more painful day without Her here.  As I pray each night be my last, I hope so much this be the last holiday season I'm here.  That soon I will be dancing with my Love in Her realm.

I wish Peace for you all today, even though for many of us it won't be.

Joe

Comment by Fran on November 28, 2019 at 7:32am

Linda we share your pain here. It's been 5 years for me. I find myself increasingly pulling back, esp. at Holidays. I just wish family understood better that it's hard for us to celebrate anything. I don't wish this apathy on anyone. 

Comment by Linda Engberg on November 28, 2019 at 6:36am

Today is the 7th year of not sharing Thanksgiving with my Husband. I will be spending it alone from now on. It is to hard to bear seeing everyone happy and I am tired of faking it.

Comment by morgan on November 16, 2019 at 5:40am

Linda,

Your post is a perfect description of where I'm at.

Morgan

Comment by Linda Engberg on November 15, 2019 at 6:12am

Comment by Trina Mamoon on November 14, 2019 at 10:54pm

morgan,

Your message is so moving! Every word you say rings so true! I could have written the message. You express my innermost thoughts and wishes. It's been a little over five years for me since Joseph has been gone, but I feel his lack as deeply as I did when I first lost him.

I, too, keep myself busy. but it doesn't do much to alleviate the pain, the void that I feel because I have lost the love of my life. I just wait for my natural end. I am afraid that it could be a while since I just turned 59, and my mother and aunts all lived into their eighties. This thought is so frightening and depressing! But I will wait for my natural end. It will come someday, but not soon enough. What a way to live one's life, waiting for the end. But without Joseph with me, my life is meaningless.

My empathy to you morgan, and to Linda, Joe, and Monty, and all others here who are in the same boat as we are. Let us be granted peace.

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