Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Paula Marie on September 29, 2019 at 12:06pm

I am one who can understand your sad situation. I lost my beloved mother, who I adored, over six years ago. Life completely stopped for me then. She was my rock, and when she died it felt as if reality itself had disappeared. I have never since been the same. I was in agony every hour of every day for over four years. It was torture. I was very grateful when a man I knew very well (ten years) came back into my life, even though I was in an emotionally unstable place due to grieving. Through long hours of deep and philosophical conversations with him, and special times spent together in unique life experiences with him, I felt the color slowly coming back into my life. One day, I realized that my mind felt relaxed for the first time since my mom died, and it was because of him. For the first time in years, I was aware of the beautiful sunshine on my skin, and realized I actually was feeling some mental peace. Fast forward to the present time, and he, too, has since died. I am stunned. Both deaths were unexpected and so close together. I’m right back where I was before, with an even greater fear of life and knowing I will never again trust it. Everything again feels completely gray in this world, and it’s a huge challenge just to wake up. There is no more sunlight. They have “disappeared,” and I know I cannot find them on earth. I have isolated myself completely and am so lonely. Nothing feels real to me anymore. I feel all those same emotions you do. My deep condolences to you, this feels so impossibly difficult.

Permalink Reply by Dayna on September 29, 2019 at 8:14pm

Thank you for your response. I am very sorry to hear about your Mother and your significant other. Death is so difficult to figure out. We are born into this world and you dont realize how quickly it can be taken away from you until you lose someone. My anxiety with death has gotten worse since my Mother. I do not feel life as enjoyable these days. Granted my sister just passed away a little over a month ago but I see everyone else moving on and smiling, laughing and doing their normal routine. I feel they make it seem like they have moved foward. I could be assuming this because nobody talks to me about her situation or my moms. I am always the one who has to say something. Idm. It just bothers me. I have tried to protect my sister for so long and now that she is gone I am afraid ppl will forget her. This just sucks and hurts so badly. Thank you again for writing me. Ppl always say time heals all wounds, GOD needed an angel, she isn't suffering now. All of that does not comfort me. Because I understand her pain is gone but now I an suffering with the pain that she is not here.