Comment

Comment by Trina Mamoon on September 9, 2019 at 3:01pm

Hello All,

I am sorry that I have not posted here for a while now to show my support for you. On August 4th it was the fifth anniversary of Joseph's passing. I just don't have the strength or energy anymore to keep pushing to survive each new day. That's why I have not visited here, but I think of my family here often and empathize with your pain.

John, morgan, Linda, Joe, Elynn, Nancy, Bluebird, and many others on this forum who are having to survive the loss of our soulmate, I send you all healing vibes and prayers for peace. 

For the likes of us living is now pointless; we have to go on because Death hasn't come to fetch us yet...

Comment by Joe Kelly on September 9, 2019 at 12:56pm

I'm in the 19th month and don't know what to say, except that the only time I'm not living this horrible nightmare is when I sleep and don't dream at all.  Even when I post in a way to try to console anyone here, in a way, I'm just trying to console myself.  It sort of helps when I'm writing it because when I try to give empathy, comfort, or hope, it's those things that I need so desperately.  That's why reading everyone's posts and chiming in my own suffering at least I'm not alone having to hide from the whole world.  It doesn't take the pain away though.  Only ONE thing will do that and it can't come soon enough for me.

"I will live to the end of my days only desiring one thing. To be reunited with my soulmate." 

Comment by Linda Engberg on September 9, 2019 at 5:47am

Morgan,

Once again I want to Thank You for sharing you thoughts with us.

You put into words the things I don't know how to express.

Comment by morgan on September 8, 2019 at 8:09pm

John T,  

I saw your post late late last night.  I see you are still doing your best to cope. I remember a time that I wasn't even coping. I was barely standing.  After six years seven months I have become anesthetized.  Took at least up until the beginning of the sixth year before the numbing really started to set in more often.  I walk and talk and do things in order to pay the bills that keep coming and in order to keep my brain from having to think.  Because when I THINK, when I slow down and allow my thoughts to drift they immediately take me to how my life was comfortable, secure, safe and most of all loved.  It wasn't because we had an easy time of finances etc but we had love.  I woke up this morning and contemplated how he always had my back.  There wasnt anything that was ever going to break us apart.  Plus I ruminated about how some people marry and they have a husband or wife.  People like us had a soulmate.  Husband/wife is a term of legal stature.  I had an integrated soul and now I am torn apart.  

Luckily I am seeing my body start to deteriorate.  The rheumatoid arthritis and my immune system is working against me.  I am seeing manifestation of cachexia.  This is good.  I am having more pain throughout my body and I will stand it as long as I can.

You are absolutely right when you say it wasnt one day you lost her.  It's all the days that follow.  We all get to a point if we had the kind of love that leaves us still "coping" after the initial six months society gives us, that we understand only those who have had the experience of the loss of our soul can really know the pain.  It is why most of us come here to share our pain.  

I know I have transitioned so many times in the years since his death into different phases of how i handle my grief but the missing never stops.  It is with me every second of every day.... it's just longer periods of time between my terrible breakdowns and in between it's just managing the drudgery of living.  

And you are also right.  How is one supposed to find meaning in life?  I can't.  No matter what I do, it's not there.  It won't be.  I will live to the end of my days only desiring one thing.  To be reunited with my soulmate.  

Comment by Linda Engberg on September 8, 2019 at 6:59am

John,

We are blessed to have this wonderful group to come to and share our grief.

Comment by Nancy on September 7, 2019 at 9:02pm

Thinking of you John T.  I understand.  

Comment by John T. on September 7, 2019 at 6:04pm

Yesterday was the 5th anniversary of the death of my wife.  I spent the day unable to believe it has been 5 years but somewhat surprised at how well I handled the day.  Today I have kept having outbursts of crying and overwhelming memories of our life together.  I realized it wasn't that one day that I lost her that was so unimaginable and painful.  It has been all the days that followed.  Now I have all the days to come.  This is a truly an awful day and the sense of loss is agony.  No one around me today would understand my feelings and they're not really in listening to them.  I needed somewhere to express them and I have always returned to this group over the last 5 years.  I probably will be here for all the days to come, all the days in the future from which she will be gone. 

Comment by Linda Engberg on August 31, 2019 at 6:41am

Joe,

This grief site is the only place I can go to share my feelings and my friends here really care about what I say.

Elynn,

It has been 7 years since I lost my Husband, Julian. I don't post much on Facebook anymore because nobody really gives a shit.

I live in Florida and hope Dorian takes me to him.

Comment by Elynn m on August 31, 2019 at 12:50am

Tomorrow  will be our 45th wedding anniversary.   Joe has been gone 4 years in September.   I miss him so much.

      I'm not going to post  our anniversary on Facebook because I don't think anyone cares.   Loneliness is the worst condition to be in!!!  I only have one friend I can call a "true friend.".   The rest have become aquaintainces since Joe is gone.   

       Keeping busy by myself is a way of hiding my pain.  But when I sit down at night, without Joe here, I realize how much I miss him.   It's really lonely around here!

Comment by Joe Kelly on August 30, 2019 at 8:58pm

I'm not sure what I'm going to post but have to say for starters that we few on this forum group are the only ones I can find who have hope and belief that we will reunite with our Loves when we go where they went.  I search and search so many grief sites and haven't found one that is like us.  

Yes, many explain that grief is forever, life changing, and hard, but I haven't found one like ours where we believe our Loves still exist and are waiting for us.  They all focus on going through the grief and in some way starting a new life minus their Love, albeit keeping their Loves memory alive.  In other words, their Loves don't exist anymore, try to move on even with the pain of their lost Loves.  I look at their comments and have found no comments about what we post here.  Many do come close to the missing of, pain, and suffering, but their loves are just gone, like forever.  I'm talking about a lot of grief sites too.  Glad I found this site to share on and it's strange but this was the very first grief site I found.

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• …
• 13
• 14
• 15
• 16
• 17
• …
• 339
• Next ›
• Page