Waiting

It has been a while since I visited this sight. It has been two plus years since my husband died, and I am now in a calmer state. Now, I just wait for death, and, for the first time, I am not afraid of it.  It seems as I head for my 78th birthday, I am ready to say that I lived a "kick ass" life, and I am ready to say good bye to this place and move to the next life that God has promised.  The pain and ache that I have endured this past two years is probably the worse torture I could ever imagine. Some people move on and make a new life, but that has not happened for me.  I have made new friends and joined groups, but, when I return home, the emptiness awaits.  I can hear the silence; I can "feel" the loneliness.

I see all my friends running to the doctor for every test to prolong their lives, and I know, as widows, they are lonely and sad like me.  I wonder why they want to stay here and endure the endless ache for their loved one.  They all tell me how sad they are, but yet they want to continue on.  Me, I am wishing for it to end now.  I remember that song phrase:  "those were the days my friend; I thought they would never end" - but they did end!

The days now are just, for me, a waiting game.  My hope now is to join my husband.

Hopefully, this is not too much of a "downer", but I am beginning to feel "old" and I feel blessed to have had the life I had.  My life really began when I married my husband, so it seems like this life now is shallow and empty.  

So, every day, I wait.

Views: 272

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Linda Engberg on December 23, 2017 at 6:51am

Hi Maxey,

I love your post, it is exactly what I feel.I don't want a new life, my life was my Husband, Every day for 5 years I just go through life motionless. The fastest I go the better, I want to be with my Husband. The attached poem explains it all.

God Bless you. Linda 

Attachments:
Permalink Reply by Maxey on December 27, 2017 at 1:03am

Thanks for sharing this poem; it reflects my feelings.  Peace, Maxey

Permalink Reply by Linda Engberg on December 27, 2017 at 6:19am

Hi Maxy,

I had a wonderful life being married to my Dear Husband, the day he died, I died. I do not go to any doctors because I don't want to have to face each day I wake up and the sooner I go the better, my pain will finally end . The morning is the the worse time of day as I sit thinking of him and all that we did together.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me.

Linda 

Attachments:
Permalink Reply by Kyle McKay on January 1, 2018 at 9:30am

It's only been a week for me since I lost my wife but a large piece of me died when she went onto heaven. 

RSS

Groups

Latest Activity

Gary Ruby is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Tuesday
Welcome Them!
Julie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Nov 5
Welcome Them!
Speed Weasel commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"GriefShare is a church based support group. They do have meetings online, but the usual format is a group of people experiencing a loss getting together weekly to watch videos (13 weeks total) about grief and loss. After the video, we talk about the…"
Oct 21
Natasha commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"is griefshare a website like this?"
Oct 21
dream moon JO B updated their profile
Oct 16
Morgan Sangrouber is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Oct 10
Welcome Them!
Addie replied to Kali's discussion It was not supposed to be like this in the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
"Kali I’m so so sorry you are going through this. Grief is hard enough, but going through it secretly, all the while having to continue showing up for your kids, is just brutal. Perhaps your friend was careful to hide your conversations behind…"
Sep 26
Kali added a discussion to the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
Thumbnail

It was not supposed to be like this

In 2014 I met the most amazing man ever. We were both in our very early 20s and were looking for different things at the time. We ceased communication for roughly 6 months. During which time, he completed basic training and joined the Air Force. By the time we reconnected he was already at his first duty station.. 8 hours away.We decided we wanted to continue our relationship and proceeded to cultivate a deeply emotional connection. Regular calls and video chats, visits while he was home on…See More
Sep 26
1 Comment

© 2024   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service