Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Julie V on September 24, 2014 at 10:27am

Hi Karen, Gosh I know, I have heard all of those and then some.

I don't understand how people can be so stupid to say "it was their time"!!!

or how about "they are in a BETTER place"!!!

"I don't know how you handle it" you are right....we don't!!

I am not proud of the fact that I fell into the bottle for the 1st year after losing Jessica and was not a drinker before, but the excruciating physical pain was to much to bear.

People say "I understand your pain, I  lost my parent etc" and then they go on to tell you about their loss. There is NO comparison to losing a child!!

All we want is for someone to listen to us and NOT give advice etc.  

Permalink Reply by Brenda Ann on September 24, 2014 at 2:25pm

Julie,

I will listen anytime you need a friend's shoulder. Proverbs 17:17 says, "A true friend shows love at all times, And is a brother who is born for times of distress" Wish I could give you an "in person" hug.

People do say unbelievable things - Maybe they just don't know what to say? Well then it would be better not to say anything. Proverbs 12:18 says it all,"Thoughtless speech is like the stabs of a sword,. . ."

(((((HUGS))))),

Brenda

Permalink Reply by Mona Wills on January 15, 2016 at 6:36am

I've heard the same stupid comments.  I will add this one though.   "God only takes the best".  That whole God's plan makes me CRAZY.

Permalink Reply by Laura Villarreal on September 13, 2009 at 9:34am

How are you doing?
I am okay.
But how are you really doing?
My daughter is dead...what would you like me to say?

It will get better....what will get better? My life? My grieving? What??

I feel your pain...unless your child has died you have no clue as to the pain I am feeling.

I can only imagine what you are going through...no you can't. No one has this kind of imagination.

Why haven't you gone back to work?
When did you become my therapist?

These are the ones at the top of my list. As you said, I know they mean well but I would rather they not say anything, or simply say you are in my thoughts (prayers).

Permalink Reply by fred upton on November 17, 2010 at 1:42pm

amen to your ENTIRE post!! slap the next dumbazz right in the kisser! it has helped me when a fool told me i will stop hurting. sooo i shared a microbe of my pain, if i'd have shared a half he would have killed himself!

Permalink Reply by Marti Shaffer on April 28, 2011 at 9:25am

i just wrote about that 'how ya doin" question, i know people mean well but they really dont want the reply

Permalink Reply by Connie K on January 5, 2013 at 1:16pm

I agree Laura with all your comments. "He's in a better place," really? and "I can only imagine what you are going through" No you can't. This pain is unimaginable. My son died on Dec 1, 2012. I can hardly breath.

Connie

Permalink Reply by Gail Richardson on September 13, 2009 at 10:23am

Worst one ever for me was when a friend asked if my foster daughter was Meshael's replacement! I have never spoken to that 'friend' since nor will I!!

Permalink Reply by Mona Wills on July 14, 2017 at 4:46pm

Don't blame you ONE BIT

Permalink Reply by Kar on September 13, 2009 at 11:28am

Oh My- Laura & Gail --- People never stop surprising me.. I am sorry for the insensitive jerks that said that too you.

My sister in law told me that my young niece said I should have another baby to replace Brad. It was one thing for a young mind to think that up- But- for my sister in law to tell me about it----- ahhhhhhhhhhh

Permalink Reply by Stephanie on September 14, 2009 at 3:58pm

you know what some people said to me? "you've still got 3 healthy children who need you. you need to be strong and be there for them.
i feel like saying, "sort you arm's just been ripped off, and the pain is excruciation, but you still have another arm and 2 legs that you must look after!"
thanks for the advice, i'll bear that in mind!

Permalink Reply by tracie parker on September 21, 2009 at 7:35pm

Janice , the exact same thing keeps being said to me!!!! Its like they think we are forgetting about or being ungrateful for the ones we have. I love all my children and would grieve for anyone of them that was no longer with me. Do people think we are just suppose to pick up where we left off, even though part of our heart is no longer with us?? I quess because we have more children, we are not suppose to feel the pain of loosing the one we lost. People try to help, but sometimes they would help more by saying nothing.
When they ask me how I do it, how I face each day, I just give God the credit because I know if I had it my own way, and it wasnt for his help, I would just stay in the bed alllllll day and night until he came to call me home.

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