I know I'm not the only one suffering here. The problem is the fact that my isolation, loneliness and guilt are swallowing me up inside. I still have the images of Annette's blue lips. I still have the hell of memories where we argued and fought and the survivor's guilt I feel over those petty stupid fights we had.

I just want this agony to stop. I want the memories to end but they keep coming like a storm. I wake up every night screaming and it hasn't gotten better.

My life is hell in its purest form. It's a never-ending cycle of wanting my old life back -- even if it meant Annette and I were too poor and always on the brink of homelessness like we were before.

I can't stop sobbing even as I write this. I beg, on my knees asking God, or whomever to please end my suffering. To let me and Annette be reunited.

Please God end this madness and suffering. Please, please, it's beyond the pain anyone should have to endure.

To add to my misery, I was issued prescriptions for my various illnesses and the total (despite being cheap) would have wiped me out without money for food. I was given one free prescription thanks to the kindness of the doctor at the clinic for my diabetes. She had a huge sample bottle. I was grateful.

I'm going mad as my mind is full of despair. No group therapy for me, I'm sorry to say. I just want my suffering to stop. I want peace. I just want to wrap my arms around my beloved wife. I want to caress her, kiss her, run my fingers through her hair. Kiss her over and over and hold her tight in bed, never letting her go.

I'm begging that the rest of my illnesses finish me off as I can't afford to buy the medicines for it anyway.

I don't want to disappoint my brother who has been helping me. Despite my pain, the wait for benefits (assuming I qualify despite the doctor's letter to Social Security Disability), I will most likely now will wind up homeless in the few months once again.