I titled this post for the non-religious simply because I don't know what I believe. I have always been very analytical and I am trying to wrap my head around death which is so abstract.
Where do we go when we die if it's not a place dictated by religion? I fully support those with strong faith and am so grateful that those people are comforted by their faith. It's just that my mind has always considered a wide variety of options, making it far more difficult to bring my brain any peace.
This is not a post to encourage people to respond trying to convert me to religion so please don't attempt that. I just want to invite others to share their non-religious beliefs about where we go when we die. Do you believe our bodies have energy that can never be destroyed? Do you believe that the essence on someone it around you and can communicate with you?
I'm just so confused. My mother at age 84 died quite suddenly only a month ago. We knew she was sick, but we went for answers and she only spent one night in hospital and died the next day due to having been over-medicated on opioid medication through the night. We know the hospital made a mistake, the doctor admitted it, but we would never be able to deal with the emotional agony of holding them accountable for it. The truth is, we know that if she had lived, she would have had few remaining years and they would have all been full of treatments, hospitals and pain.
I still want something I can hold on to though. Just knowing it probably spared her pain in the long term is not enough. ,I have so many questions for which there are no answers. I want to know if my mom knew she was going to die, why did she use all the energy she had to fling her arm over me as I stood by her bedside when she had no strength, was totally out of it, and couldn't breath, was she mad at me for not understanding she couldn't breath, was she mad that I didn't do something more to help. What was she trying to tell me, or was she not even aware she did that, was it just an involuntary burst of energy!?
After they rolled her our of her room to the ICU I want to know if was she ever in any pain before she died. Did she know they were putting a tube down her throat and into her stomach and a port in her neck? Did she feel it?
I looked at her Face when she flung her arm over me as I stood at her bedside, her eyes had pinpoint pupils and she appeared vacant. I can't understand why I didn't say anything to her. I should have said "mom, can you hear me" , "mom, we are getting help".... but I just ran out of the room and called a nurse. Did my mom know I tried? It had been raining that day and The moment right after we were told she died there was a huge crack of lightening in the sky. Was that her?
I'm sorry, I'm so off topic....I just have so many questions and it defies my logic not to have answers. I wish sometimes I could just turn my brain off and accept there are just no answers sometimes....so sorry for rambling....I'm having a rough day.
My heart goes out to all of you who have lost loved ones.
