Terror terror and more terror

I went To the free clinic today to find out about my blood test results. I have type two diabetes and out of control blood pressure and depression that is crippling beyond words.

The doctor also suggested very strongly the gastric bypass procedure otherwise I will not survive .

The doctor is also writing a letter for me to give to Social Security disability so that I could submit my claim so that's one decent thing that came out of my visit today .

The problem is now even if I take the medications which they told me were cheap I still have to find a job despite all the pain and I still have to convince someone to hire me despite my huge weight.

In short I have to either find a job because I can't rely on the time it will take to get my claim through and approved let alone get a gastric bypass and free insurance and free medical. I could easily find myself back out on the street once more and that's what occupies my day, my depression, death of my wife and it is a miracle today I haven't lost my mind yet but it's almost there.

Each day for myself is just a struggle to survival .

I making a confession at some point if I can't afford the medicine if I cannot afford to wait I'm just going to stop taking the medication and let nature run its course. I'm just too damn tired too damn weak and too dmnt terrified at the loneliness which is growing day after day.

I just want the pain both mental and physical to end and I'm trying my best but without aannett to take me by the hand and take me with her.

I speak to her every night. I cry every ni.ght waiting and hoping she comes fo me.

I have nothing.

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Permalink Reply by Jackie cooke on June 1, 2017 at 7:56am
Hi richard, I'm sorry you are suffering so, I read your post this morning and have been thinking about you.

I know how you feel, I to am alone although I have my dog who is now my world and I can not leave her. I know you believe that Annette is still with you, loving you and waiting for you. I think if our loved are watching us they will not want to see us in pain and suffering. There must be a reason why we have been left behind. We are both waiting to be reunited but if Annette and Shirl thought all that was left for us is this pain surely they would come for us?

What I am trying to say is Annette must know you have more to do before your time comes, she must have left you here for a reason the same as Shirl has left me. At the moment we can't understand or imagine what's going to happen to us, but I know if Shirl thought I was in any danger she would do something about it and I'm sure Annette would do the same for you.

Try to be strong, I know you are in America and I in England so all rules on benefits and health different but surely someone must be able to help with the physical pain.

Sorry if this is rambling but I just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you x
Permalink Reply by Richard Rivera on June 2, 2017 at 6:26pm
Jackie:

I'm sorry for the pain you've been going through. Sometimes I think wouldn't it be nice if people like those of us here lived closer to one Another? We could have the face to face that helps those of us who live alone with no children, friends, or pets. I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night, my eyes filled with terror and fear knowing that I am strictly alone and there's no one there to hold me and tell me everything will be OK. That is the life I have and I feel bad for anyone who does have the same life.
Permalink Reply by Nora on June 3, 2017 at 2:42am

Dear, Richard, we all here feel the same. Everyone here can relate and feel your pain. It is the tragedy, it is impossible, it is horrific. Unfortunately, it will happen to every family sooner or later.

Jackie, said it should be a reason for all this suffering. I know Annette, Shirl, and Steve would never ever wanted to hurt you, Jackie or me - they truly loved us. They don't want us to suffer. Asking

Asking God to let you die? It will not happen as people say God loves you (I doubt it!).

If you stop taking your medication - it will be not God's or Annette's will - it will be your choice.

I think we all have the right to take decisions about ourselves - you already took your own decision so you will be responsible for it - not Annette. I am sure she is looking at you right now with love and sadness. No words will help I know. I wish I would have lots of money to help you... I wish....

No words can help I know. Actually, nothing can help. I wish I would have lots of money to help you... I wish... I am on your side and I am thinking about you.

Permalink Reply by Richard Rivera on June 3, 2017 at 10:33am
Nora:

I called you today (Saturday) but there was no answer so I left you A message.


Thanks
Rich

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