Even those that have lost people I feel like they dont often understand what its like for me. My dad went to prison when I was 5 and havent seen him since so he is basically dead and lost my mom 5 yrs ago. I have no siblings, no living family. It sucks to lose anyone you care about but when you have someone to share that loss with, someone to lean on its just different than being completely alone in the world. There is no safety net for me. I cant fall because there is no one there to catch me. Things that arent as big of a deal to others are life changing for me. The stress of everything being on my shoulders, the fear is something most people just dont get. The fear is worse than even the loss. I am currently out of work and fear what will happen in the next couple months. I dont have anyone to help me or save me. I have health issues and when I get really sick I have no one to help me. Missing people is so far down on my list. I often think I have never really had the chance to just grieve. I have never had the time to just sit and worry about feelings. I am always so busy just trying to keep myself alive and just barely scraping by and this isnt a life and I wonder why I even bother trying because when I am honest with myself I really no longer care. I do it for my cats I think but soon I wont even be able to care for them. I really feel like life picks on me, like I am cursed. I dont understand how its possible for one person to have so much bad luck. I dont understand why life cant cut me a break. I dont understand why other people seem to be so much more deserving of anything good than I am. I feel like I am deserving but life must disagree. I just wish I felt like I could breathe. I wish I had some security in my life. 

Views: 216

Replies to This Discussion

Dear Tanya,

     Today is the first time I have seen your name. My heart goes out to you and many hugs as well. You are ever so right that I truly do not know how you feel but I do care. You said, "I wish I had some security in my life". Security in this world is more than elusive it seems impossible to find. There is a place of refuse and protection that many people do not consider. (Psalm 18:1, 2) "I have affection for you, O Jehovah, my strength.  Jehovah is my crag and my stronghold and the One who rescues me. My God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, My shield and my horn of salvation, my secure refuge." Please go to and read is article:

Look After Orphans and Widows in Their Tribulation

I hope this brings you some comfort. Lean on God and he will sustain you. (Philippians 4:13) For all things I have the strength through the one who gives me power."

(Isaiah 41:10) "Do not be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be anxious, for I am your God. I will fortify you, yes, I will help you, I will really hold on to you with my right hand of righteousness.’"

I care and I will be here to talk anytime but I can't give you strength, only God can. We are not living in normal times and as you pointed out, you are not in a normal situation. But, do not despair...

(2 Corinthians 4:7) . . ."the power beyond what is normal may be God’s and not from us." Lean on God and he will carry you.

Brenda

I understand what you going through and I pray to god to give you the best and most in happiness, good health and a great life ! Big hug Tanya

RSS

Latest Activity

Gary Ruby is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Tuesday
Julie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Nov 5
Speed Weasel commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"GriefShare is a church based support group. They do have meetings online, but the usual format is a group of people experiencing a loss getting together weekly to watch videos (13 weeks total) about grief and loss. After the video, we talk about the…"
Oct 21
Natasha commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"is griefshare a website like this?"
Oct 21
dream moon JO B updated their profile
Oct 16
Morgan Sangrouber is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Oct 10
Addie replied to Kali's discussion It was not supposed to be like this in the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
"Kali I’m so so sorry you are going through this. Grief is hard enough, but going through it secretly, all the while having to continue showing up for your kids, is just brutal. Perhaps your friend was careful to hide your conversations behind…"
Sep 26
Kali added a discussion to the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
Thumbnail

It was not supposed to be like this

In 2014 I met the most amazing man ever. We were both in our very early 20s and were looking for different things at the time. We ceased communication for roughly 6 months. During which time, he completed basic training and joined the Air Force. By the time we reconnected he was already at his first duty station.. 8 hours away.We decided we wanted to continue our relationship and proceeded to cultivate a deeply emotional connection. Regular calls and video chats, visits while he was home on…See More
Sep 26

© 2024   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service