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Grieving the loss of a husband through divorce
I was with him for 5 years and this past Feb he had a mental breakdown. I have a 16 year old daughter from my previous marriage and he had the breakdown in front of her and he was violent. I decided that for the good of my daughter that I would have to leave. We were scared of him. Before this he was my teddy bear. I was so in love with this man, I still am. He was my everything. I just couldn't have my daughter around that environment. If she was grown up and gone I would have stayed with him and put him in a mental health place to get him help. I did recommend for him to get help and he was put on meds. As I write this I am crying, I miss him so very much. The divorce was ugly, one minute he was nice and the next he was so ugly with me. We can't even be friends. I miss him every single day. Just about every week I want to go over to the house just to drive by just to be able to see him. I have explained how I feel to some ppl and they said it sounds like I am grieving him. I think I am grieving the loss of the love of my life. The man he was before his break. My chest hurts just typing this. I miss him horribly.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Baxie Baxter on
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"I know there are deeper losses out there but I am still having a hard time." 2 seconds ago
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Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on
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so sorry on yore loss i am my moms got azmers demt so i no wot u goin thu i do its livin hell ok 1 min thn abuv nxt u cud say i had a bit of abusv 2 day lst abot 30 or 40 mins but flt lk all day
say stiks stins but calin cnt hrt u but it can it wz so bad wen she haz thes tanrtms u cud say my moms a difrt persn coz of it
got so mush bda bad shit goin on it min on hear thy hav grt chat room on hear if pepel on we all hear for evry on hear we r evn wen we hav or own hells we all hear
jut mom alzmers so mush loss not bean well my slf wish dnt helpp got 2 get my blood levls bac im ordr wish can carz a lot pf probs in pele dr tld me
sorry if im rablin 2 mush
i thng loss can do a lt harm 2 pele it can
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Thank you for your positive reply. Some days it wells up inside me missing him so badly. I still love and miss him so bad even though we have been apart for almost a year and I am already in another relationship. I mourn the husband I had before he had his break. The man he was, was truly my soul mate.
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Permalink Reply by Cindy Mont on
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I have to chime in! I Grieve the loss of my ex husband like a death, In part because I had to separate from him for similar reasons you describe. I still loved him deeply! Even though he put us through horrid things. And we have compounded griefs to this day because there is a cascade that comes from loss, especially loss through abuse issues and that forcing the divorce. I was married to him for 15 years and this thanksgiving made 18 years since our meeting. I still have a lot of pain involved in my thoughts about him. I fear him and love him all the same. I have NO DESIRE to ever be with him again... but this took about 2 years plus to get to the point that I accepted we'd never find a place of trust again. he actually had to be incarcerated and just recently was released. I have moved a thousand miles away and that has compounded my losses. We also had a lot of children together that I am now struggling to raise alone ... because he was incarcerated there was no ability for child support to be paid so poverty that we already knew plummeted to new extreme levels. This has made us so vulnerable to the world around us. So life as a whole has become more scary. All that to say please know that I am praying for you and have true empathy for what you are going through! I've found some healthy ways to cope but truly everyday I feel like I am still at risk of drowning. No matter how hard I work at healing I still struggle greatly! Take Care... go for walks and focus on breaking
up your day with positive distractions knowing the pain is there just under the surface and can take over if you let it!
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Thank you for your reply. Some days it wells up inside me missing him so badly. I still love and miss him so bad even though we have been apart for almost a year and I am already in another relationship. I mourn the husband I had before he had his break. The man he was, was truly my soul mate. It is so hard because I didn't want to divorce him. I really hope things turn around for your family and you. This website is a positive way to let my feelings out. When I feel it welling up I come on here. Thanksgiving was hard. Last Thanksgiving was so great with him and I did have a good Thanksgiving this year with my new boyfriend, but I still missed my ex husband. Sometimes I feel so selfish. I know others have it worse than I do, but it still doesn't help the feeling of loss that I have.
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Thank you so much fo sharing it helps the process seem normal where most people just don't understand. I too have a friendship with a man budding just in the last 6 months but it is very complicated and It actually hurts too! We were attracted to eachother because of both suffering losses. his wife passed very early but just a year and a half ago so he is still in the deepest pain. I'm a little farther along with acceptance. Well actually though he shows real care for me he has not accepted the passing of his wife. He is yet very tortured... I feel his loss right now as well as my own and then the additional loss of not having him really emotionally available during the holidays because he refuses to share his most negative feelings with me! If it were up to me I'd rather be along his side in his sorrow than pushed away but he is trying to protect me... all the same I hurt one way or another! You must have a gem by your side hold on tight! Sometimes love means letting go no matter how hard we want to keep someone and embracing the next love. Shudder I never thought I'd be saying that. My friend and i both deal with guilty feelings for being attracted to each other and "needing" each other in ways that we always thought would be reserved just for our first loves!
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I just read your post and I am so sorry to hear about this. Every divorce is very tough. I can understand this very well as recently my sister applied for divorce by hiring a lawyer Bechara Tarabay. The lawyer Bechara Tarabay is an experienced professional and provides the best resolution. She is also trying to deal with the entire divorce process. Baxie Baxter, it is good to know that you took every possible step to protect your daughter. I wish everything goes alright for you soon.
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