Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Christian on December 7, 2010 at 11:30pm

HI Trish -

I lost my mother very suddenly in April. She was the chief coordinator of our big Irish family. So we're getting together as much of the family and friends as we can, feeling there is safety in numbers. We know it's going to suck, but perhaps being together will help. I wish you peace and the joy of your memories.

Permalink Reply by Janice C on December 8, 2010 at 11:10am

Hello Trisha. I'm new here but just lost my mom on October 23rd so the holiday's have been tough. My siblings and our families all got together at Thanksgiving and made the traditional dishes that my mom always made which made us all feel like she was there in some way. My siblings want to start "new traditions" too but I'm not sure how I feel about this. I say let's just get through this Christmas and see how things are next year and then decide. You shouldn't have to paint on a fake smile - you're still grieving and you need to give yourself time to heal.

I'm decorating the house and Christmas tree today because my husband and I are having a Christmas party this Saturday but I found myself crying in the middle of all the decorating. It's tough but they do say it will get better.

Here's hoping you do have a Merry Christmas.

Permalink Reply by Tammy on December 14, 2010 at 12:19pm

My Mom died in April of this year and so these are the first holidays without her. I wish I could make myself "enjoy" the holidays, because I know my mother is with God and she suffered so much from the cancer that finally resulted in her death. I know she would want me to be happy and I know she is happy, at peace and no longer suffering, but the sounds of Christmas music makes me sick to my stomach. I avoid stores because of all of the decorations and the Christmas music is so loud that you can't ignore it. I haven't done any shopping and I plan to buy gift cards instead. Generally, I'm not coping very well and I admire those of you who can force yourselves to move forward and "celebrate" despite your pain. I wish you all peace and blessings.

Permalink Reply by Trisha H on December 14, 2010 at 1:05pm

  Becky...i like that you don't pull punches with your comments. It's so easy for people to dismiss all the emotions we are going thru during the holidays. Just saying that my Mom would want me to be happy sometimes isn't enough. I am hurt..angry that she can't be here to celebrate with us..it's not fair and I am not gonna pretend that it is. I got a Xmas card from my father a few days ago. My dad would not have touched sending cards with a ten foot pole in years past. I cried like a baby when i got it. Just because..our world is so different now..because we are forced to live differently..not by our choice..and frankly..i HATE IT!  It's so much easier to vent someplace like here where people understand your pain and don't just try to put a band-aid on it. My friends, bless their hearts, try to make me feel better..but there is no way they can fill that hole in my heart and honestly no one will be able to. I know there will be some smiles and laughter this holiday...like you said..its inevitable that time and life marches on whether you like it or not..but life and that includes any holidays..will never be the same.

     btw..i very much relate to what you are saying bout the year ending...its a confusing feeling..but i feel the further away we get from it, the more people expect you to be healed..and i am far from that. and frankly...i dont have alot of optimism for a new year anymore..i did at the start of this year and well....

   on another note..i am not as bitter as i may sound here..i did make Xmas cards and they were sent out today with loving messages for all. Life is too short.

Permalink Reply by Trisha H on December 19, 2010 at 5:28pm

Here is a poem some of you may or may not have seen...I am hoping it gives some hope to you and comfort through this incredibly tough time. As for me, I am going thru the motions..feeling empty and lost. Keeping up the "traditions" because its what is expected and helpful to others..but I kinda just wish the holiday was past. Sending love and thoughts of peace to you all. One breath at a time..embrace this moment.

 

Merry Christmas from Heaven~

I still hear the songs
I still see the lights
I still feel your love
on cold wintry nights.

I still share your hopes
and all your cares
I'll even remind you
to please say all your prayers.

I just want to tell you
you still make me proud
You stand head and shoulders
above all the crowd.

Keep trying each moment
to stay in His grace
I came here before you
to help set your place.

You don't have to be
perfect all the time
He forgives you the slip
if you continue to climb.

To my family and friends
please be thankful today
I'm still close beside you
in a new special way.

I love you all dearly
now don't shed a tear
cause I'm spending my
Christmas with Jesus this year.

Permalink Reply by Tammy on December 31, 2010 at 9:22pm

That was beautiful Trisha! Thank you! Tammy