The Widowed Introvert

I am an introvert. I always have been. I have spent my entire life with just me and my significant other pretty much being my entire social network. Sure, I am good in social situations. But I don't want or need a lot of people in my life.

When my husband passed away (almost three years now) I was just totally lost. He was everything to me. My best friend, my husband, my father, my brother, my child. I know that may be hard for other people to understand but I didn't have anyone to fill those other roles in my life.

I soon realized that a HUGE problem for me, in addition to my grief, was how to find new people to add to my life. I mean, I never really needed or wanted a lot of friends and I guess I still don't now. Ideally, I would love to meet another man to spend my life with but if I can't find that, I need to find one or two good female friends.

The problem is, I'm an introvert. Everyone tells me I need to join groups or go to bars (I don't drink) or do something else that involves a lot of people but that just isn't me. Its hard enough learning to be a widow I really don't think it makes sense to try to entirely change who I am (from introvert to extrovert).

I'm retired so I can't meet people through a job. And the volunteer opportunities I have tried aren't really good for meeting people.

Are there any other introverts out there? And if so, how are you handling this situation? 

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Permalink Reply by bluebird on August 6, 2016 at 11:59pm

Hello Betsy. 

I wouldn't say I'm an introvert, exactly, but I do have panic/anxiety disorder, so I really don't like social situations unless I already know and am comfortable with most of the people there, and in any case I prefer smaller gatherings to larger ones.  I've always been that way, but since my husband died I really have no desire to spend any time with anyone, outside of small amounts of time with my family. I much prefer to just sit at home, alone.

If you do want to meet other people, there are activities you could join that don't involve going to bars or other places with lots of people. For example, if you enjoy reading then you could join a book club -- they generally only have 5 to 10 people per club.  Or if you attend a church/temple/mosque/etc., maybe you could get involved with some groups there (maybe a group that volunteers at animal shelters, or a group that organizes childrens' activities, etc.).

I hope you are able to find some activities that you enjoy, and that allow you to meet people in the way you prefer.

Permalink Reply by Betsy on August 7, 2016 at 7:38am

Thank you. 

Permalink Reply by Shannon Rutheford on August 17, 2016 at 10:03am

Hi, Betsy. I am an introvert. I cared for my dad for the past few years of his life and watched him slip away. This entire year for me has been nothing but death and loss. I have a couple local friends but I do not get out much, I just really have no desire too. I look for online friends and found the most supportive are online. I am on facebook and in a couple bipolar groups as I am bipolar. My online life helps me a great deal because I do not want to leave my house, I will not even go shopping really. I have been so lost this year and it started with my mother-in-law passing away. It has been all downhill since Christmas eve last year. Add me as a friend on here, I don't have any which is kinda sad. I would love to chat. (((hugs))) I know how hard it is not making friends, and getting out there. It will get better, and  just so you know you can meet nice people anywhere, restaurants, grocery stores...anywhere. If you happen to have a facebook send me a message and you can add me there. Have a great day.

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