Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Gabrielle on March 3, 2015 at 11:43am

Hi Carl, my younger sister died unexpectedly 3 weeks ago and I'm utterly desolate. She was only 22 and the closest person to me in the world. I'm in this bubble of shock/denial/grief and already I can see life moving on around me; already people are getting bored of asking how I am especially as they get an entirely negative response. No one understands. Even while writing this it feels like I'm talking about someone else. It's inconceivable to me that I'll never see or speak to Francesca again. I'm terrified and distraught by what's happened and a future without her. I've always been a happy, optimistic person so this has knocked me for six. it's a living nightmare.

Permalink Reply by Michele on May 17, 2015 at 4:56pm

I lost my only sister/best friend on March 16. I am still in shock that its been 2 months since it seems like only yesterday. My sister and her husband and their dog died in a cabin fire in N.C. their little vacation get away. I talked her that night at 10pm and she was begging me and my husband to come up there the next day. The fire happened at midnight. I feel so many of the same emotions you are feeling, I feel so lost and my heart sinks everytime i get a message or a call on my phone, we lived near each other and talked all the time on the phone. They leave behind 4 kids the youngest being 20. It really is devastating how life goes on for so many people when i literally feel like a dark cloud hanging over my head. I have always been a happy, optimistic person as well and i just can't seem to find this new way of life i know i am going to have to find. I am still unable to sleep and have lost almost 20 pounds because i just feel sick. Life will never be the same I don't want to celebrate any holidays or do any get togethers because it just hurts to bad. It is absolutely a living nightmare that just won't end. 

Permalink Reply by Gabrielle on May 17, 2015 at 5:16pm

Hi Michele I actually read your story a while ago, and I'm very sorry for the loss of your sister and the circumstances surrounding what happened. I also had contact with my sister just before she died (which isn't unusual considering we spoke every day, but it does blow my mind how suddenly she was there and the next she was not). It's now been just over 3 months and I am still in a state of disbelief. It just feel like this is a terrible, terrible time that I'm going through but at some point she'll be back and everything will return to normal. It's very hard to accept that won't happen. I have been prescribed sleeping pills by the doctor (maybe you should too?) because sleep is literally the only respite I get.

Sometimes I go though our messages on my phone and it's like she's still here because everything is so FAMILIAR....and then I have to shut the phone without sending any messages because there's no one to read them now.

It's so sad and isolating what we're going through x

Permalink Reply by Michele on May 17, 2015 at 5:42pm

I feel the same way. Its like they are still in N.C. hiking and doing the things they love and will be home at any time. I also read through our messages and it still just seems like we are chit chatting like normal. I have also been prescribed a sleeping pill it makes me so sad thinking i will have to take these things just to be able to lay down and not see the god awful images in my head of her last moments on earth. We recently went to SeaWorld and was standing in line behind two women that were obviously sisters and i just couldn't help but cry ... I will never have those meaningless conversations with anybody ever again. You know the sister conversations about nothing my heart shatters thinking of all that will never be again. 

Permalink Reply by Gabrielle on May 19, 2015 at 3:33pm

Yes I totally know the conversations you mean. It didn't matter how many times I spoke to my sister during the day we would always have something to chat about. I phoned her voicemail last night and it was so crushing to acknowledge that it's been SO long since I spoke to her. And that time will just extend and extend. She only says the one same thing on the voicemail, she will never say anything new. It's impossible isn't it. I also feel sick thinking about it. When I'm doing simple things like eating a meal or walking around the shops or listening to the radio I keep thinking "She will never eat anything again. She'll never buy anything again or listen to a song". I had potentially another 60 years with her and I've been robbed of that. And she's been robbed of her life. Where is she now?? Does she just not exist?? I hug her photo as I go to sleep every night and tell her I love her, and I wonder if there is anyone to hear me.
Xx

Permalink Reply by Sam on October 31, 2016 at 10:34pm

Hi Gabrielle, I've read some of your posts and I relate to them so much. I lost my younger sister 3 months ago. She was my everything and I don't know if she even knew how much she meant to me. 

Permalink Reply by Hope Lowe on September 15, 2015 at 3:09pm

Hi Carl,

I did not see response from you.  How are you coping now? This group has so few members and discussions.  I just lost my sister and just could not go on living. 

I need some one with experiencing the death of a sister to help.

Thanks,

Permalink Reply by Karens sis on June 1, 2016 at 2:18pm

It is so strange how the world moves on but after losing a sibling, you feel as if time has stopped. We have lost a part of our past and part of our future. It's a terrible double whammy that continues to cause pain.

Permalink Reply by HollowHeart on June 9, 2016 at 4:42pm

Karen, that is so true. That is what makes me so angry. I feel like we are the forgotten ones. I don't feel like people consider losing a sibling that important. Lose a child or a parent and people are all over you to help. I'm not saying losing a child or parent is not just as bad, but I have yet to feel like people really get how horrible this is for me.

Gabrielle, I don't know if you still come to his site, but I read so many of your posts and they all just seemed to click with me. I feel the same way. I am so happy to find others who was as close to their sisters as I was with mine. We talked and texted everyday and went EVERYWHERE together.  I see her in her last days, she had gotten sick and was not herself. I can see her barely able to walk. I think I was just in denial and hated seeing her way and just didn't want to believe it would end up the way it did. I remember she was in the hospital before, all upbeat and talking and joking and I just didn't think about her heart failure being as serious as it was. I was in denial and failed her because I didn't take it as serious as it was.

I think the same thing that is just a horrible time. I have thoughts of doing something or seeing something and I will say "I'm going to show her when she gets back" and then reality hits. The reality that she will never be back, that she will never come and wake me up and see if I want to go out shopping. That she won't text me silly Memes or gifs or texts. I have no one to joke like that with. We were just alike and liked all the same things, so to find someone with my sense of humor and personality will never happen again. I lost someone very so special and lost something so special to my life.

I hate to see siblings together. I get so jealous and angry. I'm an only child now. I just sit at home alone. I have no desire to do anything but think of her and just lay in bed. Nothing is fun. I also used to be happy and optimistic! I always thought on the bright side and was the one joking and being silly. My heart is forever shattered. I have potentially another 45 or 50 years without her. I think about all that was lost, all she won't see. I'm just angry, miserable and lonely.

Permalink Reply by Gabrielle on July 5, 2016 at 4:22pm

Hi HollowHeart

Yes I still come on here. It's been nearly 17 months now since my sister died. Old news for everyone else. Raw and bewildering for me. I don't really know what to do with myself anymore. I do things with friends and I'm just bitter and resentful that they're not my sister, and therefore I can't joke in the same way or be entirely myself. It's so exhausting putting on a 'normal' act. But I have to put on this act, because after 17 months I probably wouldn't have any friends left if I was constantly crying to them and telling them how awful it is, and how I'm so lost and my head is just a mess. And that they can't possibly imagine HOW BAD THIS IS and that it DOESNT END. Yep- that's pretty much where I'm at! I struggle to see the point in anything, I think a lot about ending things but I don't see how I could possibly do that to my poor parents who are already broken desolate people. I don't see how it can be possible that I won't talk to or see or hug my lovely wonderful sister again. How on earth can that be?? It is just horrendous. X

Permalink Reply by HollowHeart on July 5, 2016 at 5:55pm

Gabrielle, Ditto to everything you  just said. I wake up every morning and can't believe the reality I'm in.  But at least you still have friends. Mine disappeared. I didn't have a lot, because my sister was 10 friends in one and we were always together so she was my main and basically my only social hub. So losing her caused me to lose EVERYTHING that made my life worth living. I had a couple of friends, but one close friend just abandoned me. I don't think she knows how to deal with the situation so she chose to run in the other direction. I just refuse to chase her. I want someone to come to me. If she can't contact me then that means she doesn't want too.

I go out with family and I feel just like you, trying to act normal. The sad thing is that we lost a lot of the younger people in my family so all that is left are old people. My mom is the next person I'm closest to and all she wants to do is sit on the couch and watch murder mysteries. I feel so old now. I want to go out and do things, but not alone. It's almost impossible to make friends, and I will never have a friend the way I want. My sister was always available to me. Anytime. I think 'Is this really possible?" I just can't believe she is really gone.

And the kicker is I just bought my first brand new car. Imagine the fun we are missing together. Can you imagine the shopping possibilities of 2 girls with a new car? I feel sick and bitter and angry. I feel sad and that it's not right she is didn't get a chance to experience that. My car just sits at the curb most weekends. Just so sad. I have thought of ending things too, but my parents are the reason I don't. We're all miserable.

Permalink Reply by Sam on October 31, 2016 at 10:43pm

Hi HollowHeart, I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my younger sister a few months ago. I'm going through pretty much the same thing. I always thought that it would be me and her against the world. Now thats never going to happen and I have no idea how I'm going to live life without her. If anything, this entire ordeal has shown me who my true friends are. One friend who I thought was my best friend completely abandoned me.