Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Megan on April 19, 2016 at 3:54am

Sarah, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I have sat here for a few minutes trying to form what to say to you and I am having trouble because there is nothing anyone can say that will make your situation any better. Similar to you, my mother was such an integral part of my life. My siblings and I relied on her so much. She was our person. Right after she passed my sister confided in me that she felt like an orphan and truth be told I felt the same. I can't say if a growing distance between a child and the remaining parent is normal, but it certainly isn't abnormal. I know my mother's greatest wish was for us to be close as a family after she died. It's been difficult. She was what held us together and from what I gather on here that true for a lot of families. I am hoping as time passes it will get easier, but unfortunately I feel that it is going to have to be me putting in the effort to rebuild a relationship with my father. It might be the same for you, but if losing my mother has taught me anything its the importance of family. Milestones are difficult, the big ones and the little ones that you don't even anticipate until they are upon you. Guilt and grief are difficult emotions to bear and they don't really lessen, but you learn to live with it. I am sending hugs your way. Please don't ever feel like you are alone. The people on here are so lovely. They have been a great source of comfort to me and they can be for you. They are always there when you need an ear. xx

Permalink Reply by Sarah on April 19, 2016 at 9:50am

Megan

Thank you for the kind words, I'm glad I'm not alone. I would just think that as one parent passes the other would try to be there as much as possible, yet I guess that's not always the case. Like you said, I am probably the one who is going to have to build my relationship with my dad in hopes that we get closer. As I am reaching adulthood, my dad may not think I need him as much but you'll always need a parent. Thank you I'm new to this site so it's great to know there's such kind people!

Permalink Reply by Theresa on April 19, 2016 at 4:52am

Sarah

I feel your pain, the same thing happened to me my mom went in cardiac arrest right after she got to the hospital, she was not sick, I got there as they were performing CPR and I watched at the foot of the bed, frozen, not being able to move only to answer the questions the dr asked me.  It was awful.  I didn't get to say goodbye, I love you mom, thank you for everything you did for me my whole life.  Nothing....

I spoke with her everyday, sometimes ten times and went to her house every Sunday.

I have no one, my dad passed 16 years ago and my brother lives five hours away.

I was the closest to my mom, I sometimes think it is not real, but it is.

My faith is the only thing that keeps me going. 

Permalink Reply by Megan on April 19, 2016 at 4:55am

Sarah, you are right about it not feeling real. I will see her photo or something will remind me of her and I just cannot believe that she is gone forever. I don't think it will ever seem real.

Permalink Reply by Sarah on April 19, 2016 at 9:57am

Theresa

Same things goes for me, I didn't get to say good bye or I love you to her for the last time, and it hurts so much.

I know, with my mom bother her parents had passed and her brother lived in a different country so she felt alone as well, yet she had her kids. Losing parents is one of the hardest things.

For the longest time I thought that I was in a dream or some kind of joke and I would wake up and my mom would be there again. It really did feel so unreal. I hope you're hanging in there and know that you're not alone, whenever you need someone to talk to this site can be very helpful.

Permalink Reply by Theresa on April 20, 2016 at 5:31am

Thank you so much, yes I found this site helpful, because you know we are not alone.

I just take one day at a time and count the time my mom has been gone.

I had said before this is the absolute hardest part of my life and I am 51...

Permalink Reply by Lisa Green on April 21, 2016 at 8:15am

Sarah, Your story touches my heart. I am 47 and lost my Mom two months ago. I am having such a hard time dealing with the reality that she isn't here and she isn't coming back. I remember my college days and how stressful they were and fun but I always leaned on my Mom to get me through those days so I can only imagine the pain you are feeling now at such a young age. I believe our Moms are still with us in spirit and are able to watch over us and experience all of our milestones even though we can't see them. It's not the same I know but it gives me comfort to know I can talk to my Mom, kinda like I talk to god in prayer I guess. Not a day goes by that I  don't tell her I love her and I miss her. Sometimes when I do silly things, I'll laugh at myself and share it with my Mom out loud. I don't know if this is normal or not and I don't care if it is. It helps me to cope and makes me feel closer to her and like I can still have some kind of relationship with the most wonderful, loving and supportive person I have ever known, my Mom. This site is a wonderful place to share your feelings without judgement. We all are hurting and at least here, I can express my feelings and know that these people understand first hand. 

Permalink Reply by Monica on May 10, 2016 at 8:27pm

Sending my heartfelt condolences Sarah. I began writing before i read the other comments...which pretty much summed up what was in my heart to say. That just goes to say how truly helpful and supportive you may find it here,,,however often you feel the need. Most of that wise advice came from members who helped me, and continue to validate the pain we share. This is no easy road. Never knowing what new painful direction we are emotionally headed towards. I lost my Mother 28wks ago today. It stings my soul every doggone day!!!!! Tearfully,,,sometimes even frustrated or angry....i can atleast come here, and be in the company of ONLY THOSE WHO COULD POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND THE MAGNITUDE OF MY GRIEF. Bless you all

Permalink Reply by Stephanie S. on May 24, 2016 at 11:33am

I'm so sorry Sarah. I'm 24 and I lost my mom in March 2015 to cancer, so it was a different kind of loss (she was sick for a while) but many of the feelings are the same. My mom was my best friend. We talked all the time, it was strange and heartbreaking to go from that, to not being able to converse at all. The milestones are also something that upset me, and seeing other women in those stages with their mom by their side just hurts my heart so much. Like when I'm out running errands and see a young woman and her mother, often with the mother helping with a baby. Or when friends post about their mom on Facebook whether just as a day to day thing, or a post about their mom helping them with a wedding or something. These people are just going about their day, and don't mean any harm (and they shouldn't) but it makes me so sad and angry to see. It doesn't really get easier but the grief does change and become less intense (though at times, out of nowhere, it comes back really strong).