Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Michael on April 26, 2016 at 8:14pm

Debbie, reading your story breaks my heart. I lost my wife, Michelle, to liver failure nearly 21 months ago. She was also a functional alcoholic.

It must be difficult that his family is offering little in the way of comfort to you. I know the feeling of literally walking around, not knowing where I was going or what I was doing. Not wanting to go places or even get up.

One day I decided that I would take up my friend's offer to go hiking (I had previously declined a number of times). As usual, every second was spent with painful memories of missing Michelle. But then something happened. For a few seconds, I laughed. It was only for a few seconds but it gave me the one reminder I needed. That there was HOPE.

And when I realized this, I realized my hope had never disappeared. It had CHANGED. First I hoped Michelle would recover and return home from the hospital. After the talk with a doctor, I knew this would not happen. My hope had to change to making sure Michelle had no pain or anxiety. After she passed, it turned to hoping I could survive one day at a time.

So to answer your question, it can get better. It will never be the way it was though. Seek others. I have been part of 11 support groups. Each has helped.

I am too tired to write more now, but I will be back!

Permalink Reply by Jackie Thomas on April 28, 2016 at 9:18am

Hey Debbie,

I know how you feel, my husband has been gone for 3 yrs.

He was a very functional alcoholic. I begged him for years to stop, and I thought why are you picking this over me and your family.

It was very hard for me to understand because I don't drink.

He tried a few times to stop but it was to late , he was in hospise  for a week at home then finally I was told he needed to go to the hospital for the end of the journey, and died 3 days later at the age of 59.

I was very angry the first year, went to grief counceling for awhile ,I felt like everyone moved on without me also.

But then one day I was thinking about him and I realized that his suffering and death wasent about me ,but about him I felt like a weight was lifted from me, It was his path that he was on and nothing I could do would stop him.

So he left me and his daughters, and five grandchildren behind.

I hope he has found peace, my journey is not completed, and I live it one day at a time, I still cry, and sigh, and I miss him, but I am releaved of the worry .

I hope this helps you, take it slow, don't let people push you threw this, it is a slow process.

and don't let people stop you from talking about him.

You can get threw it but you will never get over it . Jackie Thoms

Permalink Reply by Debbie on April 28, 2016 at 10:30pm

Thank you Micheal and  Jackie, I really appreciate you answering me, you said exactly what I'm feeling. I'm at up and down. I don't want to be alone but than I want everyone to leave. I'm so tired. Food has no taste. My mom went into the hospital 2 days ago and I hate visiting her but she needs someone with her and I'm it when my sisters are working. I am making so many mistakes because of acting without thinking. I okay ed a puppy which is driving me nuts and my daughter and grandson took me so we could all get memory tatoos, I'm 58 how did I get talked into that. Bank managers are calling and I don't know if I should move or sell my house but somehow a niece is moving in with me. I think I have lost it. I really like how you realized it was his journey and yours isn't over Jackie. I will try to remember this.I hope I can survive this too Michael. I almost divorced my husband last year over his drinking but realized how sick he was. I still loved him too much to let him struggle on his own but now I feel guilty. I have to stick to one day at a time although I'm tired of everyone saying it. Lol I didn't realize platitudes could drive you crazy. Well thank you both for listening. Good night.

Permalink Reply by Deborah Craig on May 10, 2016 at 11:26am

Guys, I completely understand. My partner was also a functioning alcoholic, pancreatitis took him away last year. He was my everything. My thing is, I have started drinking now, it's pathetic, I know this, but I relish the evenings when I have my wine and a little bit of piece, when my mind settles down. I know I shouldn't, but I almost don't want to care for myself anymore. I feel I am just in the darkness, and am even losing hope that any light is out there.   Please help!

Permalink Reply by Debbie on May 10, 2016 at 12:51pm

I am sorry to read of your loss. I too have bought a bottle of wine but it is still unopened. I don't think a glass or two will hurt. I just feel guilty that the last few years I begged him not to drink and now I want too. Our minds work in crazy ways. How long has your partner been gone Deborah which is my name too. I am forcing myself out there to do things with and for family members and somedays i still cant crawl out of bed. Wish I could give you a big hug. I wish my Greg were here to give me one. I do miss being held so much. It's where I felt so safe and loved. I grieve for that loss. There is light, there has to be. Or God would have taken us too. I'll be thinking you.

Permalink Reply by Debbie on May 5, 2016 at 9:23pm

My mom got out of the hospital today because the government decided she can have nursing care at home even though they hadn't finished fixing her up. I had to take my 16 year old grandson to the vet to say goodbye to his wonderful dog. I thought I had no more tears but the last couple days are tearing me apart. I feel like never getting out of bed again. I'm tired of doing what's expected of me . I am so tired.