It's been a little over two months now living at my moms, things been ok just unhappy with things. I don't have anyone I could talk to about this and it's hard talking to my mom about it. When I was young I was depressed most of the time, my mom would always assume I did something wrong, there's time I would cried to her about how I feel but I not sure she was listening or understand. A lot of time I tell myself I no good for anything or I don't deserve anything I might as well give up on hope. A lot of these feelings builds up and I started to feel trapped by these feelings, always tell myself no one will ever understand, just hide it don't put yourself out there it not wroth it. I was a very sensitive person, I cried a lot, I never seem to be happy, if I do things go wrong. Then I met my soulmate my worries was slowly gone away. I was free and loved by a man who love me deeply, nothing could ever go wrong in this relationship, for ten years. At that moment everything was going great in our life then one night he got hit by a car and left him dead. The world I felt safe and happy once again disappear in front of me. Now I'm crying, screaming inside, I'm trapped inside, my mom could not understand how I feel, I not sure she understand what I'm going through, I feel like all she want to do is help me forget him, well I can't just do that. She worries so much in her life, I feel bad, I feel if I done something wrong. It hurts that I can't speak to anyone as I continue live in this silence. This is the worst feeling I ever being into in my whole life, the feeling of losing him. He maybe my first series relationship I ever have but it was the best in the world, I miss him so much. We talk about getting married, but it was too late. It hurts, it hurts so bad inside, please God forgive me and let me be with him soon, I can't keep feeling like this.