Just Another Christmas

I am now going on on my 3rd Christmas without my Husband, I cannot stand to listen to Christmas Music as it brings me no joy or happiness.I wish I could just sleep from now until the next year. I have a family but it hurts so much to watch all the spouses hugging and kissing. I am the first of the family to lose a spouse, so no one gets why I don't feel any happiness. As Scrooge said, screw Christmas.

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Permalink Reply by Linda Engberg on December 10, 2015 at 5:33am

Me too.

Permalink Reply by bluebird on December 10, 2015 at 6:19pm
Linda,
I don't decorate for Christmas anymore, either. I haven't, since my husband died.
The "Tree of Life" ceremony soubds lovely; I hope it brought you some peace.
Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on December 3, 2015 at 4:39pm

xmas ba hum bug

luvd yrs go thn dad dies so mush loss on top dnt giv a dam abot gofts gifts its pelple it wz still hear 

Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on December 3, 2015 at 4:45pm

ill get a big botl of wine or so mush bear drink till it maks me sleep go  2 dream dream of grt thng wen thng wz grt not shit lk it is nw

so mush loss u cid say its fuckt me up nt in a nasty way bt a loss way 

hollow h 

dnt hav tree nw coz cat destreyt yer my dad died she did im plesd she did she  must of took her grief angr on tree wish i dnt balm her  lk vet says cats dogs hav fealins 2 thy do

iv nt evn witen xmas crd yet coz iv no fealin g 4 xmas 

in nov u had xmas ads evn in oct we did wish pist me off i t did juts hp u dnt md me rant on yore post 

Permalink Reply by HollowHeart on December 3, 2015 at 4:55pm

JO,

I was thinking about xmas cards and even gifts for co-workers before my sister passed, now I'm like fuck all that. I loved sending out cards and picking them out and all that and now nothing. I hate it will be like this for the rest of my life. Christmas will forever be tainted and joyless.

Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on December 3, 2015 at 5:04pm

plus my dad wud of bean 80 on 26th so we wud of all gt tolt pst pist we wud of nw all of dec i wnt 2 get so pist so i can foget it bean dec

crd gt thm bt i cnt evn say merry cm xmas i cnt 

cnt evn wite 1 i cnt its lk my bodt frze agan xmas kills me evry yr 

in 20111 wz grt goz my dad wz still hr hear he kpt is all goin he did thn so mush loss in 2012 yr he died thn 2013 2014 2015 

nt evn lokin fowd 2 2016 

coz 2016 be lk he;lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll 2 it will

Permalink Reply by Hilary Christene on December 4, 2015 at 4:40pm

Jo says

her dad would have been eighty years old this Christmas. Together, they would have drunk a lot, until they were "pissed" or very drunk, in a happy way. Now, all December long she wants to get drunk to forget.

She can't deal with Christmas cards; she can't even say the words Merry Christmas anymore.

She can't write anymore; she has frozen up again. Christmas "kills" her every year.

In 2011, Christmas was great for her because her dad was still alive. He kept the whole of them going. A series of losses befell her starting in 2012, so many losses that she is terribly, terribly traumatized.

She says 2016 is going to be more hell.

Jo, don't be mad at me if you're not really a girl!! I think because you spell your name Jo instead of Joe.

Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on December 5, 2015 at 12:51am

sorry

my hnds is shaky mums illnes gt me shaky 

Permalink Reply by Linda Engberg on December 6, 2015 at 5:52am

I am so sorry Jo, please accept my humblest apologizes.

Permalink Reply by Linda Engberg on December 6, 2015 at 5:54am

I just did and I apologize, I am just a mess and didn't think before

I posted.

Permalink Reply by Hilary Christene on December 6, 2015 at 11:50am

I'm so very, very sorry for your pain.

My D has just died in August, 2015. He is my very soul; my love for him is as immense as worship. It's such a bowled-over, utter adoration, that it's not something I've ever been able to articulate to myself or others very well.

It's been 109 days. I am looking ahead to the three years you've suffered and fervently hoping for an early death.

Permalink Reply by Linda Engberg on December 6, 2015 at 3:25pm

Hilary,

My own family just doesn't get it why I want to die, they have never lost a spouse and the relationship my husband and I had was very unique and they know how close we were. The only thing I am thankful for is this wonderful web-site, chatting with people who understand.  

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