Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Sharon Reynolds on November 8, 2010 at 12:54pm

Hi Cindy- I am so sorry that you are having this hurt added to the horrible pain you already have. I am going to offer something, not knowing the whole story or remembering he exact relation your husband was to your son (dad VS stepdad). Please understand I am not taking anyone's side here and am just throwing out what came to my mind as I read your vent: Can you tell your husband exactly what you wrote, or something close? He is not a mind reader and if you have been holding this inside and hiding your true feelings from him you are eliminating a chance for him to be supportive of you and a chance for you to let go of this weight. I understand what you mean about not wanting an apology from her that she may have been shamed into, but I wonder if you are at a place where you can call her yourself and just see what develops. Do you have that kind of relationship with her? I hope something I have written here helps but if it doesn't please know my thoughts came from my heart in a desire to help you. I am so sorry for all of this but am really proud of you being able to get it out somehow.

Permalink Reply by Gyla Lynn Darden on November 9, 2010 at 8:04pm

Cindy,
I agree with a lot of what Sharon said.

All people grieve differently. I too don't know the exact relationship that you have with your stepdaughter. She may not know what to say to you. I know a lot of people give their condolences to others, but this is relation. She may not have words that she can use to express or it may hurt her to talk about it. This may be how she grieves, by avoiding the whole situation. As for your husband, he is also grieving. He may also be avoiding the situation because it hurts him to think about it or talk about it.
The only reason I am saying this, is because my oldest daughter, never talks about her sister. Doesn't ask to go to her grave, and doesn't even want me to bring it up around her. She doesn't like me to refer to us as going to Brittainy's grave she will correct me and say "we are going to visit Brittainy". Everyone has different ways of dealing with grief.
I feel the best thing you can do is to talk to your husband about how you are feeling, but don't make it sound like you are angry. This can spark the "defense mechanism" in him. Just talk to him. I think it would also be a good idea to just call the stepdaughter and talk to her just a normal conversation. Don't bring up the death. She just may need someone to open that door for her, to get rid of those fears of not knowing what to say or how to say it.
I hope this helps.

Permalink Reply by cindy parrott on November 23, 2010 at 9:16am

i finally heard from my step daughter. after i let my husband know that my feelings were hurt that it took her so long to contact me he said that she didn't know what to say and when he told her she started crkying so hard she couldn't talk to him anymore. i guess i have a lot of pent of anger and needed to direct it at someone.
thank you for your replies

Permalink Reply by Gyla Lynn Darden on November 23, 2010 at 11:08pm

Cindy,
I am so happy that your step daughter contacted you. I know that it is hard not to have the anger that we feel sometimes. It is a Blessing that she finally let out what she needed to and you received the Blessing from her that you needed as well.

I hope that you have a Blessed Thanksgiving, and if you need to talk or vent again, then do it. It is better to get it out than to keep it inside.

May God Bless you and keep you. Gyla