Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Katie Grace on September 23, 2009 at 8:42am

I think that the feelings of low energy, numbness, etc. are all normal. You also have to realize that you are going through a lot of changes and have a lot on your plate so its good to give yourself some extra slack because you deserve it. After my mom was diagnosed I went through a series of changes: moving to a new apartment, breaking up with my boyfriend, losing my grandmother, etc. and all I could think about was why I wasn't coping as well as I thought I "should" be until I realized all that I was going through. Its gonna take time and five weeks is not that long at all to adjust to the loss of your mother. I wish you the very best in your journey through this pain and I hope you are as generous and kind to yourself as you are to others:)

Permalink Reply by Julie Dolsey-Weiss on September 24, 2009 at 2:38pm

Thanks for the kind words! Yesterday I went to my externship and my preceptor said "Maybe you should work in a different department", "you have alot of memories here". Now my instructor and the people where I WAS doing my externship act like i am falling apart because when I took vitals signs my hands shook. I suffer from hand tremors and when I get nervous it gets worse.

The area I worked in has the physician assistant & medical doctor that took care of my mom and every time I hear there names or see them it rips through my heart. I felt I was doing good and now it seems people feel like I am falling apart it is just harder for me. Why can't people understand this? I decided to quit that externship because of the doctor being there and if my preceptor has negative comments to say about my abilities and I was not given much of a chance to prove my skills. Incidentally, this also happened to another student in my class her car broke down and her husband was rushed to the hospital with a suspected heart attack, thankfully he did not have an attack. His heart is stressed.

Permalink Reply by Katie Grace on September 28, 2009 at 10:15am

I'm sorry to hear that the externship didn't work out the way you had anticipated. I dont know if he thought negatively about you and your skills or was just concerned about you and your wellbeing, you prolly know better than me since I wasn't there. It does seem like there are a lot of triggers for you in that hospital, which is completely understandable, and it may be helpful right now to not be surrounded by all of it. It doesn't mean that you wont make an amazing physician assistant one day, it just means that right now it may be extremely painful to be reminded of your mother's loss on such a frequent basis. Its also hard to remember the positive memories of your mom when you are surrounded by very negative ones. I know you will find what you need and what is best for you to cope with everything you have gone through. The most important thing is to take care of yourself!

Permalink Reply by Rochelle Kramer on January 27, 2010 at 11:38am

All those things you are feeling are comletely normal. Suprisingly enough, when going through something this tragic, we tend to think were crazy. It's been 3 years since my mom passed and there are still times that I get those emotions and feel wut we call crazy. Its not as much now as it used to be. The first year is hard on a lot of levels. Your learning and trying to figure out how to be yourself again. Whatever/Whoever that is. The numbness is expected. Death takes a toll on your body in a huge way, the chemical changes can be scary. The numbness is a way of your body and mind trying to figure out, grasp, what is going on. I am so sorry. There is no manual on how to deal with this. Even though it may not feel like it, from what it sounds, your doing well. Your getting up and trying to live life. It's the most you can do at this point. Just think of it as a journey, its going to be hard, but let yourself see the good in life. I had a friend tell me, shes a psych major, "once you close the blinds, and cut yourself off from the rest of the world, the world will turn around and do the same thing to you. The day you decide to open those blinds, who knows what can happen". Dont give up, you deserve better!

Permalink Reply by Kandi Broussard on September 9, 2010 at 1:14pm

Today has been 5 weeks for me too. I think that however we are feeling is "normal". Everybody grieves differently but 5 weeks is a very short time. My hurt is as fresh as it was when the detective told me what had happened to my mom. It is not something that you just "get over". You just learn to cope, is all. Well--- for me, anyway.

Permalink Reply by Kandi Broussard on October 6, 2010 at 11:56am

Today is 2 months since my mom was murdered. It does not hurt any less. I do not feel better and it takes everything I have to do anything at all. I am still struggling daily and still just trying to accept the harsh reality of the brutal way my mom was taken from me.

Permalink Reply by Tammy on October 6, 2010 at 7:47pm

Every time I read that your mother was murdered, I cry. I don't even know you, but the pain you must feel is just unimaginable and in a strange way, I mourn for you. I am so very sorry that your mother died in such a brutal way. No one should ever die such a terrible death and no child should have to bury a mother without seeing her face one more time. May God bless you and give you the strength to go on. Your mother has a beautiful smile.

Permalink Reply by Tammy on October 6, 2010 at 11:39am

Hi Julie,
I lost my mother 5 months ago and I am impressed by your resilience. There is nothing wrong with you. This is grief. The low energy and chronic fatigue, lack of concentration, and numbness are very, very normal. I lost both my mother and my husband during this year, and I first took a leave of absence from work, then I had to resign. I couldn't imagine moving during this process and completing an externship. In fact, my house is a disaster area and it looks like I'm moving, but I have recently begun to clean and organize. Give yourself some credit Julie, the fact that you get out of bed to do anything is impressive. I'm so sorry for your loss. However you feel is how you feel and that's ok. You are normal and you will tick off the weeks and then the months since your Mom died for awhile. That's normal too. People will have all kinds of advice, but do what feels right for you. Afterall, you just lost your mother and our relationships with our mothers are our first and usually longest of our lives. Take care of yourself and I wish you the best.
Tammy