Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Connie K on June 10, 2015 at 4:15pm

I'm so very sorry for your loss. hugs

Permalink Reply by Roberta Annett on May 16, 2015 at 9:38pm

I'm Roberta , Josh's  mom. I liked to be called Robbie. Josh was born 4/26/1988 he went to heaven 3 months and 2 days ago. He has battle drug addiction for years. We never gave up. Went sent him to Doctors,  to inpatient and out patient rehab, tried Narcotics Anonymous.  We tried keeping him at home, someone here with him all the time for a few months, that was tough because through withdraw he would get violent and he was a strong guy. This last year when he went to jail. I got a lawyer and got him in a faith based recovery center out of town. There was this is one girl in his life, she could never say no to. She would not contact him or a period of time and then she would. He had been at the rehab 3 months and doing well. He got saved, he helped with the church there. Apparently not to my knowledgeable  ( like I could've changed it , I couldn't ) He was 3 mos clean, she told him she was clean too. So he went to her aunts house,  where she lived. Friday night they "partied", they used drugs, I knew from the past she did every drug A-Z. No drug of choice. Saturday night he stayed again 

She went to wake him around 11 am on Sunday, his lips were blue, he wasn't breathing.  911 was called. Major crimes ( Homicide )to the case, his bank cards and ID was missing. And the detective in charge told me something  just want quite right. Ends up no evidence to charge her. She made the statement that around 4 am, my son was in distress,  but she was high and had her kids there, so he "went to sleep" she said and she covered him, till she made call to 911. I have (had) 2 sons, Dustin  is older.  I still have to be a mom and wife. My husband is also just devastated . We have a close loving family so that helps also. I've heard the girl since has been arrested 3 times on drug charges. She goes to court in June. I'm considering writing to the judge, since there are no charges on this so that he has the info and as Josh's mom, Josh loved her, the manner of death was accidental,  I have no doubt there. He'd been clean 3 months, the body can handle the amount of drugs that in was used to using. She has 2 children,  that the father's have custody of, she's living on the street. I guess what I'm thinking of asking the judge is to put her on probation, that includes a live in rehab. She's a lost soul, and was before she came into my son's life 4 yrs ago. Her mother shot herself in 2011, her mom Cindy had been my best friend for 32 yrs. She need help and when she gets clean she's gonna need help. My son Josh and I were close, and I know he would want her as well as his family to honor him, by living the best we can. And she's young, he would not want her to leave this world  especially for her children's sake. Believe as a Mom, I want to shake her screaming and crying WHY??? WHY did you not call 911? Maybe he could have been saved,  but he wasn't.  Yes my son was a drug addict, but that never stopped being inside, the loving ,caring, thoughtful person he was.  His Dad took on alot of hunting trips and he'd come home and say that people that never spoke more than 2 words to my husband  (at camp site) they immediately to to Josh, the loved him, like they had know him forever. We will love and miss him forever. 

Permalink Reply by Toni Jones on June 10, 2015 at 2:52am

Robbie, I am truly sorry for your sons passing. Our sons choice of girlfriends is questionable. For my boys, they all seemed to like the mean girls. They could get my boys to do things they wouldn't have chosen themselves. With all the questions surrounding my sons wreck, I know how frustrated you are with the whole situation and I hope that what you present to the judge helps. We are the only ones that can represent our children. Don't give up until you have your answers. I sincerely hope that you can find some sort of peace. Sending you comforting hugs.

Permalink Reply by Margaret Kinney on December 29, 2015 at 8:19pm

I am so sorry. Addiction is terrible. My son died yesterday from liver failure. My son could not rid himself of his alcohol addiction. You did everything you could. He loved you and you loved him.

Permalink Reply by Toni Jones on June 8, 2015 at 2:37pm

Hello. My name Toni and my son has been gone since November 20, 2014 although we think that the day before is the day. Jamey was in a single vehicle wreck while driving back to a job he was on for the company he worked for. There are so many unanswered questions about how it happened. It runs the gamut from reckless speeding to vehicular manslaughter. I don't know why my baby son is gone. The why and how, which I've been told won't matter to me eventually, are questions that I need answers. I live in a state of nothing. Nothing matters except...,I want to do nothing....nothing interests me. I feel like I'm not living in reality. We live in one of the most beautiful places on the planet, but as hard as I might try, it's not real. My very soul is shredded and I do know there is no healing it. I know there's no bringing it back because I can't bring my son back. He is 30 years old and well never be any other age. He won't get to do any of the things he wanted so much to do. I am always on the verge of tears and there's absolutely nothing I or anyone else can do it help me. I've considered ending my own life but that wouldn't make any sense because how am I to find out what happened to him if I'm not here to look over the shoulder of the investigators. I'm sorry this is so long winded. I've not spoken to many about Jamey. I think people are sick and tired of me crying al the time. I thank all of you for having started this group, although I know none of us wants to be here. I have so many more things I'd like to say, but everyone has their own hell. I am so very sorry to all of you who have lost a child. I hate that too. I didn't "lose" my son. I know where he is.

Permalink Reply by Connie K on November 6, 2015 at 2:43pm

I understand Toni. After almost 3 years I feel the same. I know people think I should be moving forward. I, too, seem to have very little interest in anything.I think I'm doing better, but then wham! I feel lost and hopeless. The only hope I have is to be reunited again someday. Love and peace to you.

Permalink Reply by Margaret Kinney on December 29, 2015 at 8:20pm

Toni, I pray for your peace.

Permalink Reply by Sharon on June 9, 2015 at 9:22pm

June 12th will be 6 years that we lost our youngest son when he was 28 years old. He was quading in the mountains in British Columbia and fell over a waterfall. Six years and still feels like yesterday. I hate this time of year as his birthday is in May and he died in June. I get angry all the time and don't feel like doing anything. The only thing that keeps me going is the birth of our granddaughter. She has taken a sting from our lives that we didn't realize was possible. Her Uncle Jordyn would have been a great uncle. I see him in her a lot. Our oldest son has become a different man since her birth. One day at a time is all we can do.

Permalink Reply by Toni Jones on June 10, 2015 at 2:40am

Sharon, I am deeply sorry for your sons passing. The grandchildren are the anchors that keep me from going totally insane. It takes a lot of self control to NOT let myself get overly emotional with my sons children. I feel your pain and know exactly what you're going through. I wish there was something I could say to ease your pain. All I can do is send you comforting hugs. 

Permalink Reply by Sharon on June 10, 2015 at 3:24pm

Thank you Toni. Just went to his grave to check the lights and will put flowers out Friday. Hard having to visit him there and know he is only six feet down and can't touch him. I don't go often as it is just to hard.

Permalink Reply by Brook on October 7, 2015 at 5:26pm

I lost my firstborn son, Brian, at age 23 on August 30, 2015, when he drowned in the Pacific Ocean while hanging out at the beach with his friends.  The medical examiner report showed that he sustained a severe head injury and broken neck, believed to be caused either by a wave slamming him into a rock, or an undertow caused him to hit his head hard on the bottom of the ocean, where there are a lot of rocks as well.  It took them 25 hours to find his body.  He left behind a 7 month old daughter, 4 little brothers (ages 19, 11, and 10 year old twins), a devastated father, mother and stepfather, and a multitude of others who loved Brian dearly.  He was a great kid with a wonderful heart and was just finding himself.  We were (and remain) so incredibly proud of what a wonderful human being he was. Part of me literally died when he died, and I carry on because I have so many people who still need me, but I can't help but think that I have to do everything in my power to fulfill his responsibilities and make him proud.  He and I were exceptionally close, speaking almost every day. He had moved back in with us about 6 months ago and his friends have told me how weird everybody thought he was because when he was stressed, he would go out on the patio and call his mom to talk for an hour rather than talk to his friends about his problems. I feel blessed that when Brian left, he knew full well that he had my full love and support, and that I would do anything to help him. My last words to him were I love you, and his last words to me were the same. My surviving 4 sons are struggling with his loss and are barely consolable at times.  The twins have slept with my husband and I since the day they found Brian (we didn't tell them the first day that he was missing, hoping to find him safe and thus avoiding them having to undergo the stress and pain), and they are really clingy.  We just do our best to be there for them, let them know they can grieve with us and that we are always going to support them no matter where they are at emotionally.  I've tried to be gracious and strong, but I am so incredibly changed by Brian's death.  He was my first true love -- unconditional and eternal.  I can't really wrap my heart around the thought that he is gone, and although someday I hope to acknowledge it, I will never accept it, because accept sounds to me like I have given permission or agreed, and I will never agree to Brian being dead.  I returned to one of my jobs a week after he died -- I usually work 76 hours a week and the job I have returned to is at home, so I have the ability to walk away and cry when I need to.  It does help keep my mind occupied though.  I do find that I have a lot of new rituals that I do -- first thing in the morning I light a candle that burns on my desk the entire day, and there is always a candle on in the house 24/7 (I got the battery operated ones for night time).  It makes me feel like I am honoring him and letting him know that we will never stop waiting to see him again.  It sucks having to do all the things that need to be done -- life insurance policies are a nightmare, and trying to fulfill his earthly obligations is very painful to deal with.  I miss him so much and I don't know how to carry on, other than wake up each day, do what has to be done, make sure I am there for those who need me, and go back to bed to start it all over.  I am not me anymore.  I miss me almost as much as I miss him -- I was so happy all of the time, now I'm just sorrowful 24/7.  It is horrible, and the feelings are just too much to bare at times.  I hate being a member of the bereaved mother's club!!

Brook

Permalink Reply by Barbara Dare on November 6, 2015 at 2:11pm

I lost my 30 year old daughter on January 2nd 2015. At first it didn't seem to have overwhelmed me. I coped. Now, 9 months afterwards, I find that I cannot cope with the loss of my lovely girl. I could put up with crap in life because I had her. Now there doesn't seem to be anything that interests me in life. I am totally overcome by the gaping hole in my heart. 

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