Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Viv on May 16, 2015 at 7:39am

I lost my dad in January. Although it's not quite the same situation as you, my family refuses to speak about him. I am fortunate to have friends close by but I'm the first who has lost a parent so they try but they don't really get it.

Music? Yes totally. I'm a music teacher and I run my departments ceilidh band. My dad loved ceilidh music and all forms of traditional Scottish music. We played him a lot of it in hospital the few days before he died. I find ceilidh band really difficult. My kids are amazing and they know what happened and they understand. There's one song I've had to completely scratch from the list. The Royal Scots Dragoon Guards playing Highland Cathedral was the song we played on Cd when his coffee left the church. There's no way I can let my kids play that right now. I went in one day a little late and found them already playing that song. I couldn't handle it.

The other musical problems I have are the two hymns we sang at dad's funeral. If we sing them at church (which has happened a few times) I can't handle it. Cry like mad.

I really think it's normal, I've been assured by an older friend it's normal. I wish I knew how long. I don't have a clue.

But you're not alone x

Permalink Reply by Gilda on May 16, 2015 at 9:34am

Thank you so much for your kind reply.  My dad and I listened to music and watched movies together nearly every day of our lives, so there are thousands of songs and films that are potential triggers for sadness.  One of our favorite films was "The Tunes of Glory" (1960) with Alec Guinness, so I can certainly understand your being moved to tears by the highland music. 

I am suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from watching my beloved dad die for 36 hours straight from respiratory failure in Comfort Care at the hospital.  I have tried three therapists who were not very helpful, but I finally started a new one who looks promising. Sometimes you have to keep trying until you find a counselor who is the right fit.  I also feel that my relatives can't understand my grief.  My cousin told me that my father appeared to her in a dream and asked her to take care of me, but she has her hands full taking care of her own mother, husband and two daughters.  When we were having lunch together I told her that of all my relatives she understands best what I'm going through, because she lived with her mother all her life.  Then she started crying and said, "We were having such a good time until you said that."  She said she would rather die before her mother, because she couldn't bear to lose her.  I told her I'm glad my father went before me, because I wouldn't wish this loneliness I feel on anyone.  Now I can't say too much to her or anyone really.  I sometimes find myself crying in cabs -- the cabbies are often better therapists than the ones I was seeing. 

I'm glad that I'm not alone, but I pray that we both will find comfort and resignation soon.  XO

Permalink Reply by Coartney Hale on October 21, 2015 at 7:31pm

Hello, I know exactly what you mean. My dad died 6 weeks ago, and i can't listen to any music, period. We had the same taste in music, he took me to my 1st concert, and every concert after that....i drive with my radio off now. I am a huge music person and music has always been a big part of my life, i get that from my father, but now, i cannot listen to any...it haunts me almost. I was at a friends house night before last, and she had the radio on. The first few minutes was fine, as i didn't even notice the music, but then one of my dad's favorite songs came on, and i immediately walked right out of the room...it was almost a run...everyone came out to see what was wrong and they found me in the kitchen literally plugging my ears...when she saw the tears rolling down my face she knew instantly what it was...so, she turned off the radio. It hurts too much. I cant say if it gets better,but i just wanted you to know you not alone. 

Permalink Reply by Coartney Hale on October 21, 2015 at 7:34pm

Oh, I should have told you that i'm new to this site so, I hope as far as posting i did everything okay and you can read it...and btw, that's my dad in the pict with me. 

Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on October 31, 2015 at 3:42pm

me 2 dad luvd ballds he did if i hear 1 evn if itss on adss on tv it sets me

dad died in 2012 iv