Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by kim on March 20, 2015 at 7:56am

ronda, im so very sorry, I know the pain to well that you are in. I pray every night to go with shawn, I cry all the time, shawn is and will always be the love of my life.  I go see him every morning, and cry my heart out.  please know im here for you, not sure how much I can help you but we can try to help each other.   hugs   kim

Permalink Reply by Michelle Hill on April 8, 2015 at 5:26pm

Ronda, I am so very sorry for your loss of your son. It is still so new and raw for you. I lost my 17 yr old son, Marcus to suicide June 12, 2014. The pain for me has shifted a bit, the edges are a little softer. I have no wise words of wisdom. Just be gentle with yourself, this road is so very hard. One breath at a time.
Michelle

Permalink Reply by Rj on April 8, 2015 at 6:34pm

Michelle, thank you for your note. I am so sorry for the loss of your Marcus. Oh, the road is so very hard indeed and that is what it is, one breath at a time.

Permalink Reply by Nadin on November 24, 2015 at 12:28pm

I know how you feel. My daughter took her life on Thursday November 19th 2015. She was 18 years old. This loss cut me right through my heart and I feel this horrible pain in every cell of my body. I could scream and shout to turn back time. Everyone tells me to not feel guilty but this goes right through me. I feel I died with her because this blackness is to painful to endure. I'm so sorry to load all my grief in this here but I want that you know that I know how you feel.

Permalink Reply by Sandy Hendrix on November 24, 2015 at 1:40pm

Give us your grief and we will share it with you. Don't ever be sorry, we are all here to support each other.  My son overdosed on heroin and I also have a lot of guilt as to why I couldn't help him. My son was 18 years old as well, it's just not right, it's the worst thing in the entire world and theres not a damn thing we can do about it but take one minute at a time.  Wish I could give you the biggest hug.

Permalink Reply by Rj on November 25, 2015 at 12:37pm

So sorry sandy...yes, one mnute at a time

Permalink Reply by Rj on November 25, 2015 at 12:36pm

Dear Nadine. So sorry for the great loss of your daughter. I have been diagnosed as being frozen or stuck in grief, it will be 10 months on the 1st. I will say the place you are now, your entire being is in shock. You can no way process anything at this point. Oh my dear God, i could not feel the ground beneath me, everythng, everyone, became so unfamiliar. I was tossed into an unknown world, an alien. I screamed and pleaded with God to take me. I researched online, how to take my own life, why did i continue to wake up each morning...only to experience hell on earth another day?? Nothing anyone can say will help, they mean well but i just wanted everyone to shut up! Leave me alone, go away! Needless to say, i have not killed myself but i will be so honest to say, most days i still find myself pleading with God to take me. I am divorced and larry was my only child. Im nowhere close to the point where his memories make me smile, i truly long for that day tho. Right now they only make me cry and make my heartache and the suffering worse. I have been on and off at my job...i have heard they we should not allow comfort and grief meet but i find peace when i am alone, solitude has become my friend. Where it never was before. Let me grieve, let me do what works for me i have to tell others, please! The holidays are beatng me down no matter how i try to stay busy. My family is understanding but very concerned, my brother said, my inner light is gone, im just here. Thats about it, he calls it right. I have changed and it is a forever change. I can get thru the day now but Im just sad, a deep sadness,one that lingers. I miss larry so much, every second of the day. We are all in this horrific, unstable and rocky boat. I hate it! I havent heard the word mom in almost 10 months...i beg and wait patiently for signs, anything to let me know he is at peace, hes ok, anything! Stay close to yourself Nadine, let yourself grieve. I have learned that cryng hard and often does help me. This is the biggest monster to tackle. God bless..much love. Ronda

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Permalink Reply by kim on November 25, 2015 at 2:34pm

omg RJ  you said it all , I feel the same way, I to pray to die. I would do anything to hear  MOM again. I cry everyday all day. I stay in bed  everyday. . I pray  NADIN is getting help.  hugs  kim

Permalink Reply by Rj on November 25, 2015 at 5:38pm

Oh kim...life is truly a struggle, yes. Everything is still an effort, showering, going to grocery...everything. I have never looked so awful in my entire life. Coming up winter time and i am still wearing white sandles with sweat pants.i have been off workfor 2 months, again, and there are days when my hair is so dirty and matted. I shower now only when i feel my skin crawling and smelling. I could pass for a homeless person on any given day. My desire to dress up and care for myself is just gone, put makeup on? Why? All the while knowing larry would not want this type of life for his mom. Im just not there yet...

Permalink Reply by kim on November 25, 2015 at 6:54pm

I know , my son shawn has giving me many signs that hes here with me, and I saw a medium, she told me things only shawn new.  hun its so worth it to look into ok? I have lost my friends and most of my family, because they cant deal with it. I feel so very very alone.  I have been thinking a lot about taking pills to be with shawn, I need my son, hes the love of my life and I cant and don't want to go on without him. this unbearable pain is just to much. I want to hold him, kiss him and hear mom I love you one more time.  I wish we could hold each other, and cry together, but I think we live to far apart. but remember im here for you ok?  hugs  kim