Why are there no widowed Men

I feel like the only man to lose the love of his life with no apparent reason.  I find great compassion communicating with women and do enjoy the back and forth of sharing feelings. 

But I still find I need some fellowship with men who have experienced what I am going through right now. 

Is it because women are more willing to seek help than men or is it the reality that men have a higher mortlity rate?

I am 54 and spent nearly half of my life with a woman I fell for at first sight.  Not that our romance started right then, in fact I didn't see her again for 5 years even though we worked in the same building.

We were blessed and now I, like many women have stated am alone, confused very, very sad and apprehensive at the prospect of living a life without her.

If your out there, get in touch, we can't suffer this pain alone just because we're men.

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Rich Rader on March 14, 2012 at 1:37am

Hi, Jim; just recently joined and I too suddenly lost my wife just over 3 months ago as of this writing. I feel the same way you have stated. It seems like there are few of us that wish to talk about it, but I'm really hoping to learn from other folks that are coping with this and try to get some sort of structure in this new and frightening life without her by my side.

I hope this finds you well and that you have peace in your world.

-Rich

Permalink Reply by Julie Ann Finch on June 13, 2012 at 4:33pm

I know some men who have gone through this and they seemed to think they had "to be tough" because they are men. Also many of the people they seen throughout there day thought it best to avoid the subject of loss to protect them... when in reality these guys wanted to talk about there wives and cry openly too. If you wanna exchange email I am willing to and I am still learning as I go. I have heard he term "new normal" in my grief class. To me its not normal its a bad dream that does not go away. 

Permalink Reply by cliff g on January 4, 2015 at 2:43pm

is this thread still active?

Permalink Reply by pablo freck on February 17, 2015 at 1:06am

Unfortunately, there happens to be a few of us out there with the same experience of loss.  My wife died suddenly, too young (52), not supposed to happen this way! Society has set into our minds that us males are supposed to die before the females, just the way it is to be according to?   But, then someone like you or myself come along as a younger widower and no one knows how to react.  I would not wish this experience on my worst enemy!  Think only thing worse would be burying your own child, which I witnessed my poor father-in-law have to do.  It sucks totally, but life never is easy I guess.  Keep strong!

Permalink Reply by Jim Eginoire on January 16, 2016 at 6:16pm

Pablo,

I don't know how I missed your message!  It's been almost a year, and though time passes, it feels like I take one step forward and two steps back.

I remarried on New Years Eve, 2012, and love my wife greatly, but the pain of losing a spouse never leaves and I find myself on the verge of tears 24/7.

The biggest issue has been anxiety.  Going to bed and having your daughter wake you up a 1am, freaking out because she found her mom dead is pretty traumatic.

Her it is more than 5 years later and I still have to remind myself that I was traumatized by that and it doesn't just leave or disappear.

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