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mad at god
i am mad me for bean mad god
i am so mad at god for stuff he has put us thru if i sea him or her im worid in i say horble stuff 2 him or her im worid i will puch or slap him or her
i bleve in god im so mad at god i am i am so mad at him or her
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Jesse's Mom on
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M morgan, I am sorry for the loss of your husband. It is indeed a very rough journey. It is hard to take care of yourself at first, as when one is mourning so many little things are overlooked or we just don't care. Be gentle with yourself. I have also read some of the medical/scientific advances that have been made, Dr Sam Parnia and Penny Sartori in the medical arena have interesting thoughts...
Jo B, thank you for the lovely photography you post. You are very gifted with taking such beautiful pictures and thanks for sharing with us all.
Zell, I had noticed you witnessed a tragic accident the other day. I am sorry that it compounded the grief you already are experiencing. In my case, only kind passerbys were on the scene for my son as he lay dying in the ditch...I am thankful for the people who cared enough to assist.
At the end of the day, we all miss our loved ones. I am so shaken by the loss of my so I can barely go out. It is my second child loss. My mother has also had two child losses.
There were times at first, I wanted to find a very high bridge and just jump. The urge has gone down but I will not regret to have a short life. My son was always kind to others, had intregrity, and listened to many hurting people. He was ran over and killed in his own lane by an inattentive driver that had a long history of drugs and run ins with the law. (clear day, no factors) She ran after she was charged with vehicular manslaughter. She did not care about killing my son, as at the time she was on the run, she was on Facebook trying to pick up men. Someone spotted this and it led to us being able to find her and have her picked up.
Why is there such injustice such as this, the one that was truly good gets mowed down by some stupid idiot?
There just are not any good answers for all of this. When I go to my son's grave side all I hope for is that my time will come soon. He tried to serve his faith in honesty. And now on the weekends, instead of having dinner with my children, I get to go to two grave yards instead.
I just don't know.
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Permalink Reply by morgan on
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Let me try to make this a little clearer. The day before “Christ’s birthday” in 2012 my husband ended up in the ER. The day after said birthday I was presented with a gift that said my husband had Stage IV cancer and had on average 5 to 9 months to live. He died Jan 21, 2013. 35 years of dilated time came to a screeching halt.
For those who want to quote prose to me that if I don’t have faith in the Sky Fairy, I sin, and am not cleared for takeoff into some kind of eternal salvation is hooey. That this Sky Fairy also has relevance to the feelings I cannot shake that are driving me to my own death because I cannot accept this fantasy is also hooey. Each and every one of us suffering from the kind of feelings that emerge from losing the person we loved whether we believe in some Sky Fairy or not are in a hole. A big hole. Just because you believe, the Sky Fairy is not making it any easier for you to crawl out of the hole anymore than me, is she/he? So where is the Sky Fairy when you need him/her especially if you have the faith? Seriously, you think h/she would cut you a break.
I hate to sound so pendantic but the problem with the idea of a “god” is that it doesn't make things easier to explain, but instead suggests that there's a man behind a curtain, and that the curtain can't possibly be pulled back, at least from the side that we're standing on. It's clever, but it doesn't serve as an explanation for those who wish to understand.
Please stop throwing the ball into my court that says somehow I am responsible for changing the results of what happened here or what happens when I die if I don’t “believe” while I am struggling with what I know has happened. It doesn’t make it any easier. The universe is a big place and trying to cram it into a book of belief is …………………………....
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Yes, M Morgan, all I can say is I am sorry. Hugs.
I tell that to my deceased son, Jesse all the time too, "I am sorry...so sorry..." Meanwhile trying to walk around with a figurative "pickaxe" stuck in your back all day is exhausting.
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Thanks Zell. The next trial date is set for December 17, the day after my wedding anniversary. The court called the most inept witness they had and I do not see the expert accident reconstructionists that actually teaches our state troopers on the witness list. What a bunch of crap. Too often justice is swept under the rug because those on the scene just want their next "coffee" break.
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There is no way to explain sorrow is there? Or justice? Or the world? You are going to have some very rough road ahead of you. I seriously don't know how we are supposed to do this. I know this new reality has no resemblance to what I was used to in the reality that included my husband, Loss has tossed me into a whole other dimension. I come to web sites like this to pass the time because I can't keep the pain inside of me and no one in my other older dimension has the time to hear about my struggles. It's like I am now living as a reincarnation of self in the same body, same place.
I was already pretty jaded about the state of the world before my husband died and now I still am only worse and don't have the energy to do anything about it. I am lucky when I have two days in a row when i get dressed and get something at all done so saving the world is now beyond reach. That you are having to deal with a trial two years later begs belief. I am so so sorry for what is happening to you. To us. To everyone who is struggling with death of love. So sorry.
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Thanks Zell and M Morgan for the kind responses..
Morgan, the comment you made about being in some other dimension sinced the passing of our loved ones....in some ways it seems worse now...like I have be "relocated" to a different camp in life..sometimes I feel like a "living ghost", people are going on around me with their lives and I just don't fit anymore.
All I can think about in the back of my head is about the death of my son...it is the background music that is almost always playing.
Zell, I don't know why things work that way, those whose actions take the life of another often seem to go on unscathed...
Like I said there no good answers for this all...just don't know...
....I am on some medication still for my nerves...I think I have PTSD...it has made it difficult to be out in public because I never know if an anxiety attack will hit or a meltdown...I am on slippery ice at all times...those around me just don't understand this...
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Permalink Reply by MarieSte on
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I believe that a part of our loved ones remains with us whatever it is called, the soul/spirit, it's not just the love that remains in our heart. I've had lots of signs from my Angel that have inspired me to write poems. I live in pain daily not being able to take comfort in my Angels physical presence and I miss him more than any words could describe. But the signs he sends me grant me some solace.
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Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on
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my dad wz not religers only tme he wnt 2 church wz for funrels or weds or chrisnts only ths 1 tme he did coz it wz raing him a budy wnt in 2 kp dry he told me lots befre he died bigest laff wz wn he got out of churxh he put his foot in a pile dog poo he did
even dog didnt thng mush abot relgin i wish evry 1 wz still hear so we cud be happy again not sad lk we r now
yore pomes r so grt gift iv got is 2 snap pics i do
jo
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Thank You Jo, photos can be wonderful too and say more than words. Bless you
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yea pics r so grt marieste
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Thank you Marie Ste for sharing your lovely writings and for the telling of the signs you have received from your Angel.
I believe that a flock of swans was used as a sign from my son. The first time I went to the cemetery with my daughter a flock of them flew directly overhead. I had never seen swans in this area before and the sight of them was very moving as they flew majestically overhead. A few weeks later while in deep mourning, a flock of them again flew directly overhead my home, again this never happens. These two locations are several miles apart. They have not came back since.
So this prompted me to look up the meaning of spirituality and swans and found this to be of interest because the swans while flying over the cemetery where my son is laid to rest did sing, it was very distinct:
"The swan was seen as a traditional symbol of beauty and grace in ancient Greece. At the time, the people believed that the swan sang a sweet and beautiful song when people died. The swan song was supposed to be the most beautiful song the bird had ever sung, since swans aren’t known for their singing."
Here is a chapel from the site of the cemetery:
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Laurie-what a truly beautiful sign thank you for sharing it with us. One of my favorite songs is by Nick Cave and the video features swans. It's called To Be By Your Side. I'll try to put the You tube link below. It's a beautiful tune. This is the link that has swans in it. http://youtu.be/Ny4izkgnX_k
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