Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Connie K on May 28, 2014 at 11:03am

KIm - I know your pain. I lost my only child on Dec. 1,2012 in a tragic car accident. He was 17. For the last 1 1/2 years I have been dragging myself through this horror. Through his 18 birthday and 19th and holidays, etc. I think for the first year I was in shock - unable to bear even the thought of what has happened. The sudden loneliness and uselessness you feel when your only child is gone. And the hollow future - no marriage, no grand children, no heir. Who would even what my "things" that I would have pass on to my son. No one really. They only held meaning in our family. The only thing that has gotten me through is that my faith has strengthened and I know this spirit lives on and one day we will be together on "the other side". Until then it is so so hard to re engage with the world. I don't want to live without him either Kim. None of us do. But finding the way to do that is what your child would want you to do. I try to do things to honor his memory and the things and people he loved the most. But my house is so quiet and lonely. I was a stay at home mom and my son suffered from Crohn's disease so he was home schooled  the last year of his life, Just when he was getting better , this stupid, unnecessary car accident. It is hard work to get through all the emotions -  the anger, the shock, the depression, the unbelievable pain. I am so sorry for everyone here and appreciate a place to share.

Permalink Reply by kim on May 28, 2014 at 12:03pm

hi connie, im so very sorry for your loss to. and thank you for careing. I go to see him everyday, and all I seem to do is cry. my husband has been my rock helping me with everything. I feel so empty in side and just want to go with him. I do know your pain, and it is so unbearable. I have lost my faith in god for taking away the love of my life. I have lost friends because they say they don't know what to say to me,  I feel my sisters are not here for me either. both sisters have 2 daughters each and I don't want to hear about them, I feel its just not fare. why my son why? I sleep with everything I can of his, to smell him makes me feel close. I have not had a dream since he went away. I need so bad to hear from him, to know hes ok and with my mom. how can he take him and not me? and leave us in so much pain for the rest of our lives?  again thank you and please take care,

Permalink Reply by Connie K on May 29, 2014 at 9:07pm

Dear Kim

 I do know how hard this is. i wish I could be there to give you a hug.  I know it feels like it is impossible to go on. I know. But you have to be strong and know that God did not do this to you and that your child will always be with you in spirit. I have found comfort in seeking spiritual counseling because right now the pain and grief are so overwhelming it helps to have a guiding hand. Just know that you are not alone. We are all here for you and altho that doesn't help the reality, it is the reality. Hold on, and take it a day at a time, one minute at a time if you have to. Have you looked for any support group in you area? Compassionate Friends is a support group that is national and for those who have lost children or siblings. They also have a facebook page you can go for support. Some days that's all you can do. And that is enough. I have found that doing things to honor my son's memory helps me and others who just don't know what to do or say. For instance, planting a tree or garden in their memory. Or releasing balloons with personal messages. Anything positive that you can do with others will help lighten your burden. Also just helping others in need refocuses your energy. Right now, your grief is so raw, I know this all sounds insane and you just want to curl up and join your child. I get it. We all do unfortunately. I am so sorry for your loss. Please PM me any time you want to talk.

I too want to hear my son's voice saying "hi Mom". I imagine it everyday

Permalink Reply by kim on May 29, 2014 at 9:36am

just sitting here crying, wishing with all my heart for a hug, a kiss and phone call from shawn to hear him call me mom, my heart will never be the same, ever. I feel so alone so broken,  so very tired,

Permalink Reply by kim on July 17, 2014 at 8:06am

I miss my shawn so much, the pain never goes away. his butterfly bush is his memory garden is so beautiful with flowers, they smell so wonderfull. I hope he can see it. I keep asking why am I still here, why has shawn not come to me, to take my hand so I can go with him. please let me hear  ( mom ) again, let me here  ( I love you ) his laugh his smile. where do all the tears come from, everyday and night. I keep telling myself he will call me soon I know he will . I know shawn would never ever leave me. I just want my suffering to stop, why does he not take me, I need my son without him I cant live or go on, hes my world, my love, my life.  I love you baby and miss you with everything I have.   forever mom

Permalink Reply by Vicki on September 18, 2014 at 12:12pm

Hi Kim.  I lost my beautiful son, age 25, to a drug overdose last month and I feel the same way you do.  My life stretches out before me so empty and desolate.  I feel like all the love I have for my son is pouring from my body like blood and without him here to absorb it, I will die.  He was my favorite person to spend time with and he was doing so well!  I can't believe that he could make this one mistake and now my life is in ruins.