Hi. I'm new here. I'm looking for something - probably some understanding as I feel I'm all alone. In the last 16 months, I've been on a rollercoaster of grief. I lost my dad in January 2013, followed by my father-in-law last May 31, a priest friend June 16 (which was also Dad's birthday & Father's Day), another priest friend Oct. 3, a friend in January of this year and then my mother-in-law on April 29. Most of my loved ones died of cancer. I fluctuate between shock, catatonia, anger, moments of happiness and then right back again. I don't feel like doing anything, especially my job, which I'm considering quitting. I never know how each day will be for I am living very much by my emotions right now. Probably not a healthy state to be in, but this is what's happening. I wish I could just retreat so I could figure everything out, but that's an impossibility as I have a family to care for. Prior to my mother-in-law's death, I felt I was in a good place regarding my grief. Her death has ripped it all apart. I don't know what to do.  

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I am so happy you were able to meet with hospice. I did the same and like you, realized I was extremely depressed and needed additional help. I have been in therapy and meeting with a psychiatrist as well. Depression can be extremely debilitating and prevent you from moving forward. I am so happy that you recognize and are able to reach out for additional help. We are in charge of our health and well being and this is a huge step in putting yourself first and being kind to you. I know for a fact, had I not taken this step I would not be in a very good place right now. My fog finally began to clear about a month ago. I still have difficult moments and some days I feel a bit off, but I can function and am learning coping skills that are helping me live this new life I didn't choose for myself. Stay the course and I will continue keeping you in my prayers. Keep me posted and remember you are not walking this journey alone.

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Addie replied to Kali's discussion It was not supposed to be like this in the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
"Kali I’m so so sorry you are going through this. Grief is hard enough, but going through it secretly, all the while having to continue showing up for your kids, is just brutal. Perhaps your friend was careful to hide your conversations behind…"
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It was not supposed to be like this

In 2014 I met the most amazing man ever. We were both in our very early 20s and were looking for different things at the time. We ceased communication for roughly 6 months. During which time, he completed basic training and joined the Air Force. By the time we reconnected he was already at his first duty station.. 8 hours away.We decided we wanted to continue our relationship and proceeded to cultivate a deeply emotional connection. Regular calls and video chats, visits while he was home on…See More
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