Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Kirsti lisa michels on January 10, 2010 at 9:43pm

hi tammy,
im so sorry for your loss,melanoma is nasty cancer,ive been looking to talk to someone who has been through this too! i watched my mum go through it for 5 years and she passed away this past feburary,im only 19 and she was only 45 and its nearly been a year since she has gone and i still stuggle alot,how old are your sons? you cant really say anything to them to try and make them feel better ( trust me i know) you just have to let them grieve i know it must be hard to watch them suffer,but what they need is for you to be strong,you are there only parent left now they need you. and it is normal to cry so much,the smallest things make me cry all the time,like when i went christmas light looking with my boyfriends family,i had to try and hide the tears that were rolling down my face because i was so sad i wasnt doing this with my mum.

This past year i have done nothing,i tryed working and i got fired because i didnt seem ready,ive failed my license test twice now,i nearly failed this make up course i did,i have just been so lost this year and stuck in a rut,but i said to myself this new year i am going to try and look forward,i know i will still cry all the time but i know my mum wants me to move on and try and start living my life again,so im going to try,and i hope you will too, you know he is looking down on you wanting the same :)

Permalink Reply by Tammy Seymour on January 17, 2010 at 5:51pm

Hi,

I am so sorry for your loss. It must be hard for you without your Mom.
Yes, Melanoma is a very BAD cancer. My sons' father passed in February also. It is coming up on a year. It will be a year on February 16th. But for some reason I feel like it was just yesterday. I am being strong for my sons.......but when I am alone, I cry, cry, cry. I cry all the time. I miss the father of my sons. I miss him terribly. I really don't feel that I can share that with my current husband as I don't want him to feel bad. But, an important part of my life is gone with the passing of my former husband and VERY dear friend. My sons are 26 & 27.....they are men, but they are young men. Who will be missing their dad for a long time, just as you are and will miss your mom. Keep writing and maybe we will get to feeling better. Take care.

Permalink Reply by Nancy Nixon on March 20, 2010 at 7:53pm

My ex husband passed away about 12 years after we were divorced. I think I felt that maybe I was not entitled to grieve as he was no longer my husband. I was devasted by his death as he had been sick for a while but did not tell his family or friends. I had spoken to him just a few days before his death. We had remained friends. He died more than 10 years and I still miss talking to him. As you mentioned, he was a big part of your life and the father of your children. I hope things are better for you. Hang in there.

Permalink Reply by Riana Alexander on June 25, 2010 at 5:22am

Hi Tammy

I have not yet lost someone to Melanoma, but we found out 3 months ago that my grandmother age 79 got it she went in for two operations and it came back with a bang, it spread to her lungs, livers, kidneys and looks like it’s moving to her bladder too. Yesterday she went to her doctor and he told her he will not do chemo as he is going on leave to till the 7th July and he does not think she will last that long. I need to know how to cope with this news, I need to be strong for my mom and two girls.

Permalink Reply by Kathryn Jean Rippley on August 4, 2010 at 8:38pm

Hi. I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my 47-yr-old husband to melanoma on July 31, 2010. He was buried yesterday, leaving me with a 3 1/2 year old daughter(his). I also have an 11-yr-old son from a previous marraige who is devastated by the loss of his stepfather. I am in shock and disbelief, and I can't seem to stop crying. I don't think I can take this.

Permalink Reply by Kathleen Lange on December 20, 2010 at 9:10am

Ahhhhh melanoma!  What a killer.  My husband died from this monster in Oct. after a 3 1/2 yr struggle---we had 3 good years with clinical trials (some good will come from his participation in these trials), but the final 4 months were a challenge.  He never had a primary site---so what a shock that was for us.  I urge everyone out there to see someone yearly to get their skin checked---sadly for melanoma many have left this earth way tooooooooooo young.  I will keep all of you in my Christmas thoughts for peace.

Permalink Reply by Laura Salefski on February 16, 2011 at 9:15am

I lost my husband of 20 years on Dec 3 2010 to melanoma.  It has been the hardest thing I have ever experienced.  he was diagnosed on Dec. 29, 2009.  I thought we would have a long time together even after his diagnosis.  I never realized how aggressive melanoma was.  I too cry all the time.  My friends have told me this is very normal and actually good for me.  Jon had a very rare form of the disease in that it started within.  There was no telltale mole, so we were quite surprised at the diagnosis.  He also had gone 8 months without a diagnosis because the doctor failed to send the tissue for analysis because he "knew" it was just a fatty tissue tumor and no problem.  I wonder every day if our outcome might have been different.  I know it has been a very short time since Jon passed away, but I cry everday multiple times per day.  I miss him terribly. 

Permalink Reply by Laura Salefski on February 18, 2011 at 12:08pm

Last night was the first night I've slept since Jon's death, actually since before his death. Unfortunately it was not a natural sleep, it was a prescribed sleep....ambien.  Not one hour of one day goes by that I am not missing him.  "OUR" friends were wonderful in the beginning but now they have gone back on with their lives and it feels like they think I should too.  I has been 11 weeks, not 11 years.  I am still waiting for him to walk through the front door.  I still think he is going to call me and ask me to bring him some cigarettes home on my way home from work.  I lie in bed and cry for him everynight. I cry on the way to work , at work, and on the way home.  He was my best friend, and now he is gone.  I can't "just get on with my life" a major part of my life is gone.    

Permalink Reply by Stan Goldberg, Ph.D. on February 25, 2011 at 8:31am

Hi Tammy,

People cry to express feelings that often don't have words. It's neither good nor bad, it just is another way expressing grief. I wouldn't worry about not being a grief expert. As a bedside hospice volunteer for eight years involved with patients and their families, I've learned that the grief I witnessed and was involved in was different from what many noted authors said grief should be.

 

The grief expressed by each person was different. It's form was determined more by the place a loved one had in the survivor's life and less by steps. There's nothing wrong with you. You're doing what grieving loved ones have been doing since we've been human beings.