Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Lee Evans on December 11, 2013 at 5:18am

Hi Jenna.

I lost my friend on the 15th of November this year. My best friend was an alcoholic. I loved him till he passed away which was unexpected and sudden. I am sorry for your loss. In short NO you could NOT have done anymore for him, he actually needed to help himself and make that decision for himself. The day after my friend died I walked into my first Al-Anon meeting. I had actually arranged to go before he passed away, so going to the meeting was extra hard. In my head I thought if only I made it earlier I maybe could have done more and TRUST me I did everything I could. Al-Anon has taught me that it is not about the alcoholic whether in your life or not anymore, it is about YOUR recovery. It is a journey and I cannot tell you what to do but I feel Al-Anon will help you in the ways you find in your own journey. It is very supportive and you get to share plus it is non-judgemental.

For me my friends death is unknown and they have done the autopsy. I have to wait six months to find out how he passed away. That is really hard. Al anon will help you get past the guilt as you have nothing to feel guilty about. Usually I would type more but my grief is also still so very raw and I hope this litle bit has helped you. Feel free to write back.

God bless you.

Lee.

Permalink Reply by Jenna on December 11, 2013 at 8:35pm

Hi Lee,

Thanks for your response. I am so sorry to hear about your friend. It is still very soon for you and I commend you for seeking support from Al-Anon and this webpage. When my dad passed, it was suggested to me to go to an Al-Anon meeting but I thought to myself, "everyone will be talking about how much they don't like their loved one drinking, and I will be there wishing I could be in their shoes instead of my own." I thought it would scare people to talk about how my dad died from drinking and they would worry about their own friend/family member. I gave thought recently about going to a meeting, actually it was supposed to be yesterday, but I chickened out. The meetings are held where I work and feel a strange amount of guilt/anxiety about having someone I know see me there. I know that sounds weird, but I couldn't help it. I am hoping next week I have the courage to go to a meeting. Thanks again for writing back to me

Permalink Reply by Lee Evans on December 12, 2013 at 6:38am

Hi Jenna,

You're welcome. Thanks for your compassion and encouragement. As for what you originally thought about Al Anon I can help you with that I have heard many shares. Al anon is about the individuals recovery. They get to say whatever they want and it is to be respected. There are NO fights in Al-anon and everyone is very helpful and empathic. Like grieving people  there are so many similar feeling and thoughts yet it is such a personal journey but you come here because you find support and people who understand and you get to share. Al-Anon is the same really. Evereything that is said in that room STAYS in that room and does not go out of it. I speak very openly about my friends death and it has been very accepted as other people in al anon have lost people to drinking as well. You will not be the first nor the last. I assue you of that. As for your work situation, I understand. Al anon meeting are all over the place and there should be an al anon wesbite in your country that will have a list of meeting on, where they are and at what time. Also there will be numbers to contact if you want to find out more about the meetings and to make sure they still happen at that location and time. If you choose to go to the one at your wokr then remember it is none of their business why you go to al anon meetings. I do not know the people you work with and how they would react, only you can make that decision but I wish you all the very best. Get to an Al anon meeting and keep going. One of the best things I ever did for myself.

Permalink Reply by Linda Kelly on December 15, 2013 at 1:10pm

Thank you so much for your post.  My daughter died of alcoholism four months ago today.  I miss her so much and wish her life could have been better and that she could have conquered her addictions.  I have been in Al-Anon for many years and believe it would help you immensely.  I understand about the guilt, the anger, and the sadness.  We all try to control this awful disease--and it is a disease--but find that nothing we do helps.  We talk about the three "C's" in Al-Anon:  you didn't cause alcoholism, you can't control it, and you can't cure it.  When I first heard this, it helped me so much.  Before going to Al-Anon, I felt somehow responsible for her drinking, I tried to control it by pouring out alcohol and in a number of other ways, and I tried to cure it by talking endlessly about what my daughter should do to help herself.  None of it worked.  I hope you will try a few meetings to see if this program is for you.  All I can say is that it has helped me and is still helping me get through each day.   It is a program for those of us who have been affected by the disease of alcoholism and teaches us that we need to take care of ourselves.

All the best to you.