Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Lee Evans on December 11, 2013 at 5:22am

Try Googling grief support hotlines and also crisis hotlines. I use them when I am up for it and need it and it can really help having a person on the other end of the phone who is not emotionally attached, compassionate, encouraging and helps through some of the toughest times.

Permalink Reply by Stanley Ruiz on December 11, 2013 at 6:43am

I AM GAY AND LOST MY LOVER OCTOBER 2012 .THIS WILL BE MY SECOND CHRISTMAS WITHOUT HIM.I USE TO CRY EVERY DAY  BUT NOW I AM GETTING BETTER>I HAD THERAPY BUT I THINK I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME MAN AGAIN.I HAVE MY GOOD DAYS AND BAD DAYS BUT I THINK RALPH WOULD WANT TO TO MOVE ON AND CONTINUE LIVING.YOU HAVE TO KEEP MOVING AHEAD .I KNOW IT IS NOT EASY BUT ASK GOD TO HELP YOU.NOW I PRAY EVERY DAY AND YOU MUST PRAY EVERY DAY AND ASK  FOR GUIDANCE AND  ASK GOD TO MAKE YOU STRONGER.TRY AND BE AROUND PEOPLE AND GOOD FRIENDS AND FAMILY.THEY ARE ALSO LIKE MEDICINE.Go to CHURCH AND KEEP WRITING ON THE INTERNET AND YOU CAN WRITE TO ME ANYTIME.GODS BLESSING STANLEY

Permalink Reply by Jenna on December 11, 2013 at 8:27pm

Hi John, I am so incredibly sorry to hear about your loss. I find comfort in some of the things you are saying, most notably writing the letter. I've spoken out loud to my dad before to try to get some of my emotions out, but always end up in a crying mess. I don't think I am quite strong enough to write my emotions out just yet. Somehow it seems too final for me. However, I hope that if you do it, you find it powerful and healing for you! I will also try lighting a candle for my dad. I think that is a wonderful idea and will inspire me to remember the bright and warm memories I have of my dad. This season will truly be difficult, but I hope you do not lose your smile and you can find some comfort in the things that you do to remember Carol.

Permalink Reply by Jenna on December 16, 2013 at 7:53pm

I admire that you can still be so positive, John. I was an extremely bubbly and outgoing person prior to my dad passing, and I feel like people were so used to that and they didnt know how to act around me once I wasn't bubbly anymore... so I faked it. I continue to fake being happy, but I cry on my way home from work and/or right before bed. I can't tell if it is helping or hindering me. Whatever works though, right?

Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on December 11, 2013 at 3:34pm

me 2 coz of my dad nt bean hear cpz xmas wz his tm of yr coz his bday bean on 26th dec i stil do sea thngs in a shp thng my dad wud lk tht nealy end up buyngg it thn i relize his gon thrs a few tms iv still bort him stuff its bean nealy 2 yrs nxt yr 

me 2 cnt fnd any grif suport grps in my area coz thr is non 

i no ths yr we hav no xmas tree coz or cat nockt it ovr lst mas tryng 2 play coz stuff on it sh thrt it wz smthng 2 ply withh she did we hav mas toys it sings so on but still dnt feal lk selbratng xmas

evry tm i hear lst xmas by wham it gets me coz my dads lst xmas wz in 2011 bfre he died 3rd mrch 2012

sory if iv saed wong thngs

brin is not switcht on t day i jst feal sad 2 day

Permalink Reply by Debra A. Whitemaine on December 11, 2013 at 3:40pm

I lost my Dad sudden and unexpected September 2012.  I felt the same way in that I wasn't allowed to be happy because he died.  I don't feel that way anymore.  I used this site, a counselor and family to help me cope and understand.  I found a lot of satisfaction in doing things in his honor or memory.  Donating gifts at Christmas, making donations in his memory to MDA and a making a section of quilt in his memory for organ donation.  You can still have a stocking up for him.  I made calendars for my siblings and myself with photos of us with Dad.  Our Christmas card last year had a fun picture of Dad on it.  This year I made my own arrangement for his grave and it felt great to do it.  Going to therapy helped me a great deal.  Having someone neutral to talk with and let your emotions out.  I did things that I thought were very strange or unusual but in the end we all grieve differently.  If it feels right to you, just do it.

Permalink Reply by Jenna on December 11, 2013 at 8:20pm

I think donating things in my dad's honor is a great idea. It's funny, we collected donations and have a fishing pier dedicated in my dad's name and I remember feeling so good about it but I haven't thought about doing something like that again. It's a great idea. Thanks, Debra!

Permalink Reply by Sheila B. on December 12, 2013 at 2:49pm

Sorry, I don't have any advice but I can relate to what you are saying. Wishing you strength.